


Haunted Love

by CynCyrGaines (lexa1214)



Series: Pleasure and Pain [4]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Attempted Murder, Confusion, Explicit Sexual Content, First Love, First Time, Hurt Kirk, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Alteration, Mind Meld, Not Canon Compliant, Not Really Character Death, Oral Sex, Out of Character, Pining Spock, Pon Farr, Possessive Spock, Rough Sex, Sexual Tension, Sorry Not Sorry, Worried Leonard McCoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-08 18:58:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 73,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4316028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexa1214/pseuds/CynCyrGaines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“That is not true, Jim.” Spock stated softly. He watched as Jim tried to figure out what he meant. Spock wanted to tell him everything, to explain to him his part in what happened..."We are friends, I will always care about what happens to you...”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_They found him curled into a ball in the far corner of the room. A whimper of pain escaping him as he tried to remain still. They had taken his mate from him, the bond ripped in half somehow. He could see the frayed ends as he tried to build up his shields. They were reaching out for the other half, the bright, golden light that had led them to paths of extreme pleasure in just a few short days. He shivered as he tried to block out the memories of what happened. Tried to forget how he had been ripped away from him. He had fought for him, trying to protect him from anyone who would harm him and yet...they had still been able to take him._

_He tried to stop the tremor that raced along his nerves. The rage and pain almost blinding him to the others around him. He could hear them telling him it would be ok. They were there to help and that everything would be ok but he couldn't tell them. Couldn't let them know that there was nothing they could do to help him with his pain. He shivered as memories floated through his mind. He could see his smile, hear his voice, and feel his touch. Could remember what it felt like to be so close to him, to ease the fire that burned within him. He groaned as the memories became painful. Clutching his head, He tried to block out the images, to find a way to control the pain. It wasn't until he felt a hand pressed against his face and a familiar voice whispering softly in Vulcan, did it all stop. He let out a soft gasp and blissfully fell into darkness, grateful for the dark embrace of silence._

* * *

 

_He couldn't help the shiver that raced across his body, the minute tremor that made him bite his bottom lip until he tasted blood. He was pressed against a glass table. His over heated body lapping up the feel of the coolness against his blazing skin. He tried to keep from moaning as a pair of soft, strong hands moved over him with the knowledge of where and how he loved to be touched. He couldn't see who it was, tried desperately to catch a glimpse of...of what? A pair of eyes, hair, facial structure? What was he trying to see?_

_He tried to focus his thoughts but was immediately brought back to the fact that there was someone touching him in the most intimate of ways and all he could do was let it happen. Silently beg for more as his body responded to the stimulation. He pressed himself closer to the cool glass, gasping softly in relief. His overheated body wasn't going to be able to take anymore stimulation. It felt like he'd been here for hours, trembling and shivering with the desire to come. He tried to catch his breath but it entered as a shudder and exited on a moan. He could feel his body tightening with the start of his orgasm and tried not to make a sound or move. He jerked as a voice spoke softly near his ear, whispering things that made him want to wait, made him want to hear more. He couldn't help the small whimper that left him as those hands slid over his back, slowly teasing in their exploration. He bit back a groan as they slid lower, rubbing gently as they went. When they slid slowly, teasingly over his ass it took everything in him not to press back into the touch. He could hear the roaring in his ears, feel his blood rushing through his system and prayed that whoever it was, they didn't stop. He could feel his toes curling as he tried to fight back the tide rising within him. He gasped as he tried to hold on._

_It wasn't until he heard the voice again, telling him how good he was doing, how obedient he was, and how pleased they were with his behavior, did he recognize the sound of an alarm going off somewhere in the distance. He frowned slightly, trying to figure out why there would be an alarm going off and he was in the middle of..._

It wasn't until the alarm became clearer, the sound sharper, did he realize that he wasn't having sex with a mystery person. He was lying in bed, _dreaming_ of having sex with a mystery person. Groaning, he slowly slid a hand down his body, making sure to maintain the stimulation from before. Trying to recall the sensations from the dream, he wrapped a hand around his cock and squeezed gently. There was no way he was going to be able to hold back the moan that left him. He was way beyond the point of caring if he was heard. He felt his hips thrusting up into his fist as he stroked himself. He needed to come, having waited so long, his entire body strung taught with the sexual tension from his dream. He groaned out loud as he moved his hand faster, trying to remember the mystery person. That is, until they slowly morphed into someone else. Someone with dark hair and eyes that looked into his soul. He rarely touched him but when he did...there was something...something that seemed to make him hyper aware of the other. As he thought of that voice, the soft soothing words, his hips thrust faster, his breathing became choppier, and all he wanted was to come to the sound of _his_ voice. Hear him giving him the same praise as the voice from his dream. He squeezed his cock tighter and arched up off of the bed. It wasn't until that voice echoed through out the room did he let go. Gasping harshly, he jerked as he slid his fist up then down once, twice, and...and...

_"_ _Spock to Captain Kirk...Captain, you are needed on the bridge immediately."_

He moaned louder as he heard him, trying not to get off on _that_ sound...that _voice_...but it was to late. Jim cried out brokenly as he stroked himself to completion, He writhed against the bed as he milked himself, panting harshly. His body slowly losing the previous tension that had held him in its grip. He groaned in frustration as he reached over and pressed the button on his intercom.

"Kirk here, I'm on my way Mr. Spock. Anything I need to know before I get there send it to my padd and I'll go over it on my way to the bridge." Jim knew he sounded breathless but hoped the other couldn't tell. Silently prayed he hadn't heard it but knew it was impossible to trick himself into believing that he didn't. He couldn't hold back the groan as he rolled off the bed and padded to the lavatory, grabbing his uniform on the way. He needed to get cleaned up before he left for the bridge and although he preferred a hot water shower he would have to go with the sonics for now. They were faster and that's what he needed, fast. After making sure he was cleaned, shaved, and dressed he grabbed the padd sitting on his desk and headed to the bridge, pleased to be only ten minutes late for his shift. He boarded the turbolift and looked over the information Spock had sent him, a frown appearing on his tan face. Something was off about the information in front of him. He read through the rest of what he had as the turbolift took him to the bridge. He looked over everything again just to be sure that he was understanding things correctly. It wasn't until the lift doors opened on the bridge did the information make sense. He walked out and his eyes immediately went to the view screen.

"Report Mr. Spock." He was immediately in captain mode. The energy on the bridge was setting his nerves on edge. Something was very wrong with the scene in front of him. He glanced over at his first officer as he made his way to his chair. He could still remember his dream, the voice, the...trying not to blush, Jim moved towards his chair and sat down. A loose sprawl that to some would seem lazy but for those who knew him it meant he was ready for anything.

"It would seem, Captain that we have encountered a mirror planet. One planet hides the other depending on which angle you look at them. We did not notice anything until about 0600 when delta shift was over. They are both class M Planets, support life and are very similar to the third planet in the Xyrillieum System. The air content is within the proper parameters, however it is not recommended that we remain longer than the maximum time allowed. They are as much alike as they are different. Where as one has the sun the other is completely dark and the temperatures are just as different. We could learn a lot from our studying them."

Jim could feel those dark eyes watching him, tracking his movements and he wasn't sure why. Giving himself a mental shake he turned to look back at his first officer. "And the other concern would be..." He rubbed his temples to try and stave off a headache.

Spock scanned the blond from head to toe, wondering at the light pink coloring that sat high on his cheeks. It did not help that when the captain had responded he had sounded out of breath, as if he had been exercising or...or...his eyes narrowed slightly as he took in the possibility that the captain may have had a visitor last night.

"Mr. Spock, everything alright?" Jim tilted his head slightly to the left as he watched the tall, pale Vulcan look him over. He could feel his body heating at the look but refused to look away. He was pleased with himself for not doing what he wanted to the most and give in to the look in those eyes. To have this man just strip him bare and take him...wait...what? Jim blinked, the headache was becoming worse while the room began to blur and he looked around at the others on the bridge. Something wasn't right, he could feel the hair on his arms standing up and his nerves were screaming at him. Standing from his chair, Jim looked over towards navigation. "H-hikaru?" Jim started softly, he noticed his friend turn and look at him, confusion clear on his face. He blinked at the raven haired man trying to bring his image back into focus.

"Captain...Jim, are you ok?" Sulu was looking at him from his chair but he was fuzzy, going in and out of focus. "Hey, you don't look so well, maybe you should go..."

Jim blinked, not understanding why everything was so blurred and why was there a loud ringing sound? He looked at Sulu then turned back to Spock, noticing the look of concern in his eyes. He tried to say something but all he got out was a soft groan before feeling the floor rush up to greet him and everything going black.

Spock reacted before he could think. He saw the moment the blond was going to fall, called out to him as he tried to catch him, to keep him from hurting himself to badly. "Captain...Jim can you hear me?" Spock looked down at the pale face, could feel the heat radiating from the tan body and called sickbay. "Bridge to Dr. McCoy."

_"_ _McCoy here, what can I do for ya' Mr. Spock?"_

"Dr, we have a situation concerning the Captain." Spock could feel his heart racing, his stomach muscles tightening with his nerves as he looked down at the still blond.

_"_ _What type of situation Spock? Is Jim sick or has he gotten hold of something he wasn't supposed to? Tell me something man so I can make sure I don't give him something that will kill him!"_

"He was talking then...then he simply...fell." Spock was trying to remain focused despite the fact that he wanted to pick Jim up and carry him to sickbay himself. He looked around at the bridge crew and noticed everyone had matching looks of concern or worry on their faces. When his eyes met Nyota's, he tried to hide his feelings. He hadn't meant to be caught and thankfully she was the only one who had seemed to notice.

_"_ _Well damnit man, bring his ass down here so I can see what's the matter! You can explain to me what ever else ya' need to when ya' get here, McCoy out."_

Spock looked over at Sulu, a frown turning the corners of his mouth down. "Mr. Sulu you have the bridge, I need to make sure that the Captain makes it to sickbay safely." He adjusted his hold on Jim, picking him up gently, surprised at the lack of muscle in the other man. Walking to the turbolift, Spock glanced again at Nyota then turned as soon as the doors opened. Once inside he looked down and scanned the tan face. Taking in the dark circles under his eyes, the palor of his skin, and the weight loss. Guilt forced him to note the changes in the other, take note of the differences that shouldn't have happened. He wanted to comfort him, to help him through this but remembered what he had been told. He had to let Jim put the pieces back together but it was becoming harder to keep his distance from him. It was painful to watch him walk around, unknowing, not remembering...

"Spock? Bring him in, just what the hell happened? What was he doing when he passed out?" Dr. Leonard McCoy was the chief medical officer on the Enterprise as well as best friend to the Captain. He looked at Spock, a frown marring his face. "He looks like hell." He muttered under his breath.

Spock blinked, he didn't remember the trek to the med bay and the sound of the doctor's voice took him by surprise. "I am unable to..." Spock drifted off, aware of what he almost said. He glanced at the doctor as he laid Jim down on a biobed. He didn't miss the look the brunette gave him. Few knew of what had happened to the blond and those who did were sworn not to speak of it. He looked back down at Jim then over to McCoy, he knew the doctor was curious as to what had really happened to his friend but he wasn't able to tell him. He watched as McCoy scanned Jim with a tricorder, making sure to take note of any changes to his system.

"He still hasn't gained any weight and it looks like he still isn't sleeping well." He looked up at the monitors above the bed, checking them against the tricorder readings. He glanced up at Spock from beneath his lashes, silently studying him. It didn't escape him the way he slowly moved closer to Jim. Nor did he miss how the dark gaze seemed to scan the sleeping blond from head to toe. _Just what the hell happened between them? Why wouldn't Spock talk about it?_

Spock looked at the silent figure on the bed and wondered if maybe he was doing more harm than good by staying away. Jim was human, he had shown he could handle almost anything thrown at him, even death but a Vulcan bond? He couldn't be certain, his mother had but Jim wasn't his mother. He slowly moved closer to the bed, the bond between them calling to him. He didn't understand it, didn't understand why it was Jim Kirk who...

"Spock...Spock, hey, can you hear me? Just what the hell is going on with you? I've been standing here talking to you and you don't seem to be listening." McCoy looked at the Vulcan with a disgruntled expression. It was irritating him how the other was acting. The almost obsessive attitude he now had towards Jim. McCoy knew Spock thought nobody noticed but when it came to Jim, he did. They were more like brothers than friends and they took care of each other. After Jim's return, Spock and a few others from the crew had started acting...differently, becoming overly protective of the blond, despite Jim's adamant statements that he didn't know why.

Spock looked up at McCoy, "Will the Captain be alright, doctor?" He needed to know before he returned to his duties. At least one of them would be needed on the bridge and until Jim could return to duty, the task was left up to him. He could feel his heart pounding in his side, the thought of leaving him, of having to walk away...again. He tried not to show just how much it hurt him...the bond steadily pulling him closer. He wanted to...so very badly...

"I believe so, looks like he just passed out but why I don't know. Not until I talk to him and I'm not sure how long that will be." He looked up at the monitors above the bed again, checking vital signs and pressures. Watching Spock as he stared down at Jim he frowned, he wasn't sure what happened to his friend but he planned to find out and god help whoever gets in his way.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“ _You are so beautiful...so very good for me...you obey my every command.”_

_He gasped in pleasure at the voice so close to his ear. Trembling, he tried to hold as still as possible. He tried to hide a shiver as he felt the light touch of a feather being drawn across his chest, down and across his stomach. The feathers made his stomach muscles jump and quiver as he tried to remain still. He tried to maintain calm, steady breaths but was sure he was going to stop breathing when he felt hands on his thighs. Trying not to tense, he bit back a groan as he felt the hands slide between his legs, squeezing his inner thighs, lightly forcing his legs open. He tried not to blush in front of the mystery person. The desire to hide himself was overwhelming, until he heard that_ voice _. The one he craved...desired above all others. A helpless whimper left him as he felt a warm hand close gently around his cock. He tried not to thrust up into the hand around him, knew what would happen if he did..._

“...im?”

_He bit back a response, he hadn't been told he could move let alone speak so he remained silent. He tried to catch his breath but the hands on the inside of his thighs were sliding higher. Teasing brushes against his skin designed to test his restraint. He did his best to remain still but couldn't help the small moan that left him. He gasped when he heard that voice whispering softly to him._

_“So very good you are...you have earned your reward young one...”_

“Jim...can you hear me?”

_He frowned at the voice he was hearing now. It wasn't the same soothing tones as before. These belonged to...to..._

“Jim, damnit, if you can hear me open your eyes man!”

_He's heard that voice before, the commanding tone was now laced with worry however. He struggled to open his eyes but they felt so heavy and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. What was happening to him? He froze as the new voice called out for someone. Panicking, he tried to remain as still as possible. When he felt another presence next to him he stiffened in fear. He had tried to be good, had tried to do as he was told._

“Jim, come on now, open your eyes for me buddy.”

_He tried to obey the command but everything felt so heavy. It wasn't until he heard the other voice, the one that haunted his dreams._

“Captain...”

_He felt the shiver travel from the base of his skull all the way down his spine. He bit down on his bottom lip to keep from making a sound. Then the voice again, this time much softer._

“Jim...please...open your eyes.”

_His entire body jolted from_ that voice _. His fingers twitched and his toes curled. His entire body went on high alert just from the sound. Why? Why was it this voice that haunted him? What happened for this voice to sound like an echo of something or someone lost? When he felt a puff of warm air next to his ear he froze. He had done as they asked and remained still. He tried to figure out what he'd done wrong until the voice spoke again. This time much softer, filled with an emotion he couldn't place but was sure he'd heard or felt before._

“Jim...please...I beg of thee, open your eyes, Ashayam.”

Jim gasped, bright, ocean blue eyes snapped open and scanned the room he was in. He could feel the heat on his left side disappearing as the man next to him stepped back. Reacting, he reached for him, “Spock...please.” He whispered. He turned his head in the direction of the other and sighed. “D-don't go, Ashayam...please.” He could see the surprise in the dark orbs watching him, could feel the heat radiating from the other as he moved closer.

“Jim?” Spock watched as the blue gaze moved over his face. He was trying to cover his shock at the words he had just heard. Was it possible? Could his memory be returning? Spock moved closer, unable to deny the desire to be near him. He noticed how the blue gaze was cloudy but intense. Jim seemed to be aware of who he was but not where he was. “Jim, can you hear me?”

He looked up at the tall, pale Vulcan. He tried not to shiver at the look he was given by the other. He pleaded softly in Vulcan, “Ni'droi'ik nar-tor, Ashyam, na' t'nash-veh vravshaya-tor shroi. Sanu, rai taflaya, sanu.” (I am sorry, beloved, for my failure to listen. Please, no punishment, please.) He reached for him, hand shaking, blue eyes never leaving his face. He held his breath as he waited for the other to respond, to tell him he had done well.

Spock stopped as he looked down into the tan face. Jim didn't know Vulcan, when had he learned? Who had taken the time to teach him? Could it be an after affect of...“Rai taflaya, Ashayam.” (No punishment, beloved.) He stared into the blue eyes, felt the desire to press his fingers against his meld points. To join them, heal them both...until someone behind him cleared their throat, jerking Spock back from the intimacy of the situation. Feeling the tips of his ears heat up, he slowly backed away from the blond lying on the biobed. He could tell that was not what the other desired when the blue gaze dulled, the previous pleasure becoming overshadowed with worry and fear.

“Ashayam, sanu, than ri-trasha. Ni' droi'ik nar-tor.” (Beloved, please, do not punish. I am sorry.) He watched as Spock stopped and looked at him. He could see the need, the want for something or someone in his eyes. He reached out again, struggling to sit up. He couldn't let him leave just yet, not if he were going to be punished later. “Sanu, Ashayam, Sanu...” (Please, Ashyam, please)

Spock moved closer to the biobed, he didn't want to upset the other so he took the rough, calloused hand in his. “There will be none, Ashayam. Lie back and let the doctor help you, please.” He spoke softly in Standard so that Dr. McCoy would understand them both. He was pleased to see the fear and anxiety slowly start to recede from the blue eyes, replaced with calm and pleasure. He looked up to see McCoy watching them both with a look of awe and confusion.

“Just what the hell did he say? There will be no what, Spock and just what is ashayam?” He looked between his best friend and the silent first officer. Turning his burning sienna gaze back to Jim, he whispered softly, “Just what the hell happened to Jim for him to look so afraid?”

Spock shook his head, unsure just how much he could tell the doctor in front of Jim. He looked back down and felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He still held his hand and when he tried to pull away, Jim tightened his reflexively. “It is ok Jim. Dr. McCoy is here to help.”

Jim blinked then turned his head to the right. “Bones?” He frowned trying to remember what happened and how he ended up in sick bay. “H-how did I get here? I could have sworn I was...”

“You were on the bridge when you passed out, Captain.”

“Jim...Spock...you can call me Jim, remember?” The statement was made wearily as he looked up at his first officer.

“You were brought down to sick bay to make sure nothing serious had happened to you...Jim.” Spock continued as he stepped closer, his dark gaze scanning the blond from head to toe. He wondered if Jim remembered what he had said and if he knew it was in Vulcan. He tried to hide how he felt seeing him, being near him. Glancing back over at McCoy, he noticed the doctor was still looking at their hands. Spock flushed but refused to let go of the chance to have even this small permission.

Jim looked between both men, noticing McCoy's pale face and Spock's flushed one. “Uh, Bones you doin' alright, lookin' a little pale there.” He leaned forward to give his friend a closer look and realized his left hand was holding something. Looking over, he noticed he was holding Spock's hand. Why? Why was he holding Spock's hand and why hasn't he let go? Jim flushed a bright red as his gaze shot up to meet with turbulent dark chocolate brown. He didn't know what to say, wasn't sure what he wanted to say but felt that he needed to say something. “Spock?” He was at a loss, he knew he needed to release the other (touch telepathy and everything) but was loath to do so. He moved his fingers against the warm palm, taking in how Spock's breathing seemed to change, how he moved the slightest step closer. He wondered what else would happen if he continued until McCoy cleared his throat, causing Jim's head to snap around to him. He stared at his best friend, breath coming in uneven pants. He didn't understand what was happening to him, _why_ was it happening to him? “Bones, what's going on, there's something wrong with me isn't there?”

McCoy looked between the two, both flushed and still holding hands. His gaze narrowed on Spock as he took in the way he watched Jim, slowly moving closer. Looking at Jim he couldn't help but wonder again what had happened on Janjira. He had come back almost half dead, with no memory of what happened after he had been kidnapped, and the away team had been tight lipped about the entire situation since then. He scanned the blond from head to toe, shaking his head. “I don't really know buddy, I was hoping you could tell me. You're still not able to eat or sleep?”

Jim looked down, not sure why but feeling as if he were being reprimanded. He glanced up at Spock from beneath his lashes and was surprised to see him watching him. He looked back down at their hands and wondered why Spock hadn't pulled away yet. “It's not from lack of trying Bones, I've just not been hungry or able to sleep. Nothing serious, the headaches are kind of getting worse but the nightmares usually take care of themselves.”

“Captain...Jim, are you unable to find anything adequate enough to eat? We can always reprogram the replicator to suit your current needs.” He tried to control the racing of his heart and take slow, calm breathes. Jim didn't seem to realize what he was currently doing, the symbol he was tracing in Spock's hand. He had to force himself to control the shiver that wanted to race down his spine. Taking a deep breath, he moved closer, scanning the pale face again, taking in the dark circles under his eyes. “Maybe Dr. McCoy can give you something to help you sleep or for your headaches...”

“No! I-I just...I'll be fine, really.” Jim looked between them, he didn't want to be put to sleep. Something twisted in his stomach at the idea of being given anything. Sighing, he closed his eyes and tried to refocus his thoughts. “Let's not worry about that right now. We need to focus on the mission at hand.”

“Jim, maybe that's not what you need right now. You really should eat and get some rest.” McCoy looked at his friend with concern. He could tell that something wasn't right with him but he couldn't seem to figure it out. His gaze returned to the pair's joined hands. He didn't miss the way Jim seemed to absent mindlessly trace something in the palm of Spock's hand. Nor did he miss the change in breathing from the other, how he kept slowly moving closer. He looked up at Spock's face taking in the flush and how he seemed to watch the blond intently. Turning back to his friend he sighed at the stubborn set of his jaw and prepared for a fight. “Now Jim, before you start...”

“I am _not_ staying in bed all day Bones! I have a ship to run and a crew to take care of. We have a mission to handle and me staying in bed is not going to help get it done.” He turned his blue gaze to Spock, silently pleading with him to understand, to help him in this.

“Damnit Jim don't go trying to get Spock on your side! _I'm_ chief medical officer and if I say you need at least a day of rest and food then that's exactly what you'll do!” He took a deep breath and tried to reign in his temper. He could see the fear in his friends eyes, the blue gaze having snapped back from Spock to him. “Look Jimbo, I'm worried about you. You've lost weight, you're not sleeping or eating, and it's beginning to take its toll on your already weak immune system.” He reached over and laid a gentle hand on a broad shoulder. “Please...Jim it's just one day. You can even stay in your quarters if you want, I won't make you stay here.” He grinned at the smile that lit up the tan face. “You have to promise that you'll check in with me though or at least let me come by and give you a check up.” He could see him thinking and before he could get it out he stopped him. “And no, Spock does _not_ count as one of the people to check on you. With your ass out of commission for 24 hours he has to run the ship, so no you can't burden him with your requests.

“It is not a burden doctor. If it will help the Captain regain his health I will do what is needed to achieve that end.” Spock watched the exchange between the two friends, trying to push down the jealousy he felt at the doctor's action. He tried to remain focused on the conversation but was failing due to Jim's still moving fingers. He was aware of McCoy's gaze on him but he refused to take his eyes off of the blond. He wondered desperately if Jim's memory were coming back, if they could finally...

“Spock. damnit man if you're not going to focus I can just keep Jim here...”

“No! Bones come on now, how the fuck is that even fair?!” Jim jerked his hand away from Spock's and reached for McCoy. “You know that if Spock says he's going to do it he will. You don't need to give him a complete rundown of my medical history, I'm sure he has it stored in his memory.” He looked at Spock, eyes again pleading with him to help him out.

Spock bit back a gasp at the sudden break in contact, taking a deep breath to reorganize his thoughts. He looked into the ocean blue eyes and knew he wouldn't be able to deny him anything. Looking over at McCoy, Spock tilted his head in silent acknowledgment. “Doctor you are aware that I have known the Captain's medical history as well as everyone else on board the Enterprise...”

“That may be the case but we're not talking about everyone else we're talking about Jim Kirk! You and I both know if he doesn't have a babysitter he will not stay in one place.” McCoy stated in exasperation.

“I am currently off duty doctor, I will make sure that the captain gets his rest as well as something to help him regain his strength.” He could tell that the doctor was still hesitant, until Jim looked up at him.

“Bones come on, you know as well as I do that Spock is the best for this job. I mean you know Sulu will let me go work out, which I really should be doing and Scotty or Chekov will just join me in whatever I'm doing. So it's either you or Spock and we both know you don't have the patience to sit with me all night.” He grinned at his friend, could see the moment he gave in.

“Alright, alright damnit don't get to excited, I plan to leave a list of things I want done before you go to sleep.” McCoy scowled at the blond but there was no heat to it. He looked over at Spock, “You and I will talk _befor_ e I let this one outta here.” He threw a thumb towards Jim as he moved to the end of the bed. “One of you is going to follow orders or I'll confine you both to quarters.”

Jim froze, eyes going wide. He almost jumped off the biobed, grabbing for McCoy. “Bones, look, ok I swear to you I'll follow the rules j-just...don't confine me to quarters. I have to be able to move around my ship.” He was shaking, the thought of being locked in a room didn't sit well with him. It set every nerve in his body on edge and he wanted to run from his current position until he felt safe. _Safe..._ Spock, _Spock_ was in the room, he would make sure they didn't...

“C-captain?” Spock looked at the fear on the tan face, surprised at the instant change. “Are you alright?”

“I-I don't want to be confined...please.” Jim couldn't control the shaking that was running through his body. He looked from Spock back to McCoy. “I'll eat whatever you say and sleep for however long you want just don't confine me to quarters.”

McCoy looked at his friend, surprised by his reaction. “Jim calm down, I-I was just joking. There's no valid reason for me to confine you to quarters.” He looked over at Spock, a look of surprise on his face as he gently pushed Jim back onto the bed.

“Would t-they confine you to quarters, Jim if you disobeyed them?” Spock asked softly. He couldn't help it. He needed to know what had happened to him, how was he able to beg for no punishment in Vulcan. He watched as the question caused him to flinch. The answer being given without words. Stepping closer, Spock scanned the others face. “Ashayam, sanu kilko-srashiv.” (Beloved, please answer.) Spock knew he was taking a chance asking in Vulcan but he had to be sure, he had to know if...

“Au nan-tor klau kanok-veh, sanu Ashayam, Ni'droi'ik nar-tor, au afer-tor t'nash-veh kobat'es. Vesht dungi ki'sarlah nash-veh fa'-tor eit'jae thrap-fam'es...” (They threaten to harm everyone, please Ashayam, I am sorry, they found my weakness. I would have come before to beg forgivness...)Jim looked up at the other, panic starting to color the edges of his words. “Ashayam...sanu...than ri trasha...” (Beloved, please do not leave.) He looked from McCoy then back to Spock. Had he done wrong again? Where they going to punish him for being out of line?

Spock kept his gaze focused on the blond, hoping that he wasn't pushing to hard. “Vi, Ashayam, sanu var-tor etek vi.” (Who, beloved, tell us who?) He needed to know who _they_ were. The ship and crew needed their captain, McCoy needed his best friend and Spock...Spock needed his mate. He needed to get Jim to remember what had happened while they were on Janjira.

Jim looked from Spock to McCoy, fear forcing him to go silent. They said they would hurt Spock if he told anyone, they said that they would tell him what they did to him if he spoke a word. He looked into dark chocolate brown eyes, intense in their scrutiny. Jim's gaze looked down at the blanket covering him, certain that something was wrong. How did he know what response to give Spock? How did he know to give the answer in...

“Captain...Jim?” Spock looked into the flushed face, the ocean blue eyes clouded by confusion and fear. Looking up at McCoy he saw the concern as well as something else on the doctor's face. When he looked over at Spock, all he could do was wonder if he should at least let the doctor know what happened on the planet, before they disappeared. Turning back to Jim he watched as the tan hands picked at the blanket. “Jim?” He waited until the blue gaze returned back to him, giving him a small head nod, Spock continued. “Tell me, who taught you Vulcan?” The question was asked softly, dark eyes watched the blonds expression as he seemed to think about his answer.

Jim couldn't control the tremor that passed through him. Spock had asked a question and he was supposed to answer. They would threaten him with punishment if he didn't but how did he know that and when had it happened? “I-I don't know m-maybe your counterpart? It could be f-from the meld we shared when we, uh, first met.” He looked up at Spock, hoping he'd given the right answer, that he wouldn't be punished because he didn't know the full truth of the situation at hand. When the other showed no signs of anger he relaxed back against the biobed. Looking up at the ceiling, Jim tried to figure out how, in fact, he knew Vulcan.

“Hey, Jimmy boy maybe you picked it up somewhere? Ya' know, on one of those many trips you used to take.” McCoy looked at the blond with a smile. He could hear the confusion and fear in the strong voice. This was _not_ his best friend, this was an imitation of that man. Placing a hand on his shoulder, McCoy looked at the face in front of him, pale beneath his tan. “Whatever is going on we'll figure it out ok? Just...you gotta trust us when we say we only want to help.” When bright blue eyes stared up at him, he looked over at Spock who gave a brief head nod. “See, even Spock agrees that we're just trying to help. If ya' feel like we're doin' to much then just tell us, alright?” He watched as Jim looked between them, trying to determine if they were being honest or not. “Have we ever steered you wrong before?” He gave the shoulder under his hand an affectionate squeeze, missing the soft growl that left Spock.

Jim, however did not. He flinched away immediately from his friend, eyes wide in fear. He looked at McCoy then turned to Spock, “Ni'droi'ik nar-tor, sanu than ri taflau kanok-veh!” (I am sorry, please do not punish everyone!) He moved away from McCoy and reached for Spock, struggling to sit back up. “Sanu, Sanu...ni'droi'ik nar-tor, Ashayam!” (Please, please...do not punish, beloved) He was shaking as he reached for the man in front of him. He'd heard the soft growl that left him, knew it was the beginning of...

“Sanu, Ashayam, nam'uh hayal. Bolau ti shom Jim. Dungau gla-tor nash-veh au than ri klau kanok-veh.” (Please, beloved, calm down, You need to rest Jim. I shall see they do not harm everyone.) Spock could see the fear in the blue depths, hated himself for his reaction but had been unable to control it. It bothered him that others could touch Jim, be near him, spend time with him and he...he who was bonded to him could not. It was instinct that forced the growl from him, the desire to touch and claim what was his. He wished desperately to erase the look from the others face to have it replaced again with the look from earlier.

“What the hell is he talking about now Spock, why is he reacting as if he's done something wrong to piss you off?”

Spock looked up at McCoy then back at Jim. He wasn't sure why Jim reacted the way he did, begging that no harm come to anyone? “I am unsure doctor. Perhaps we should let the Captain return to his quarters so he can rest?” He wanted to get him away from sick bay as quickly and quietly as possible. Something was very wrong with Jim and he was beginning to piece together what it was. Looking up at McCoy he stated, “We need to meet in his quarters after your shift doctor. I will make sure that the Captain has eaten and gotten his rest.” Turning back to the blond watching him, he nodded. “Captain...”

“Mr. Spock?” Jim responded immediately.

McCoy frowned, it wasn't the same command voice. This voice lacked the confidence and strength that was James Kirk. “Spock, just what the hell is going on?”

Spock kept his gaze focused on the man in front of him. “That is what I intend to find out doctor.” Glancing up at the brunette, Spock frowned. “We need to make sure that the captain is comfortable first.” Turning back to Jim, “Dr. McCoy and I are going to his office to make sure that your paperwork will be ready for you to leave. I ask that you please, remain here until I come to retrieve you and your belongings.” Spock scanned the face in front of him, if his suspicions were correct then Jim may be getting his memory back. Was he remembering things that happened and who had been involved?

“You and Bones go ahead, I'll stay here until you two mother hens get back.” Jim sighed. He was exhausted and irritable, mainly due to the pounding in his head. Grateful he hadn't told Bones about it or he'd have him shot full of so many different hypos...Chuckling at the thought he couldn't help looking between the two. The expression on his best friends face made him pause. “Bones? What's the matter?”

McCoy looked between the two, shaking his head. “You know Jim, sometimes I wonder that my self.” He looked at Spock, taking in the flushed face and quick breathes. He knew the ships first officer had an idea about what was going on and if it took meeting them after his shift to find out, then so be it. Shaking his head again he grinned at Jim, “I'll make sure you can get a burger and fries to eat, mostly because you need the weight back on you.” His grin became wider as Jim flushed at the statement. “Don't worry Jimbo, we'll make sure you're back to your old self in no time.” He couldn't hide the warm affection from his voice. When the smile was returned he gave Jim a soft pat on the leg and headed for the doors. “Spock I'll meet you in my office.” That said, he turned and walked out.

Spock stared at the closed doors, aware that he was now in a room alone with Jim. Stepping back from the biobed, he cleared his throat. “Captain...”

Jim looked up at the pale, stoic face of his other friend. “Spock, tell me what the hell is going on, what's happening to me? Bones swears that something is off but I can't...it's just...” He broke of with a frustrated sound. Looking away he took a deep breath, rubbing his temples. They told him never to question, never to fight back but they were wrong, weren't they? He was supposed to question things and fight back. It's who he was, how he's survived for most of his life. “Tell me that I'm not crazy, tell me that what's happening to me can be explained.” He whispered, blue eyes pleaded with the other, begged him to help him figure out what was going on. Jim watched as Spock moved closer, a light green flush tinting his skin.

Spock took a deep breath, he could feel the pull between them. Could feel the bond demanding to be fulfilled and knew he needed to leave the room immediately. Curling his hands into fists, he kept his gaze on the man in front of him. “We will figure it out, Jim.” He watched as relief slid over Jim's face. He knew he shouldn't ask, especially in his current mental state but he needed to know. He needed to find out _why?_ “Would you be willing to share with me what it is you are remembering?”

Jim looked at him, what could it hurt? If it would help him figure out what's going on and why his memory had these gaps then he'd feel a hell of a lot better. “Sure, just...let's wait until we're out of here. I'm not to sure I like the idea of someone popping in while you...” He moved his hands in the meld formation. “Try to figure out what's wrong in my head.” He gave Spock a rueful laugh and was rewarded with a slight tilt of his lips. Sighing he laid his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes. He was tired, exhausted in a way he hadn't felt since...

“There is nothing wrong with your head, Jim.” Spock spoke softly. He could see some of the stress leave Jim's body. “I will be back shortly. I am going to make sure Dr. McCoy has everything ready for you to return to your quarters.”

Jim's eyes snapped open and he turned to Spock, he tried to hold back the fear of being alone as he watched the taller man head towards the door. Sitting up, he held his breath as Spock paused, then turned to look at him.

“I will return Jim do not worry.” He nodded his head then turned and walked out of the room. He had felt the others trepidation. Knew he was worried about him not returning and had felt the need to reassure him.

Jim watched as Spock left the room then threw the blankets off of himself. He needed to get dressed and out of here as soon as possible. For some reason, that statement had been made before and it reminded him of fear, pain and anger. His instincts told him that he needed to find somewhere safe to go, somewhere no one would think to look for him. Jim was pulling on his shirt when it hit him, he'd head down to the engine room. The only person that was likely to bother him there would be Scotty and even then, he could get away with telling him almost anything. Looking for his boots and plan already set in his mind, Jim slowly made his way to the door. After sliding his boots on, he listened to the sounds outside his room. When he didn't hear anyone approaching, he took a deep breath and walked through the door as it slid open soundlessly. Looking around the sickbay, he saw Spock standing in McCoy's office. Something in him wanted to wait and see what the other would do but the other half, the half that had helped him stay alive, even in the most dangerous of situations, was screaming at him to leave the area as quickly and quietly as possible.

Jim kept his gaze on the office, aware that his head didn't hurt as much as before and that he was indeed hungry. He noticed the changes after he and Spock had touched each other. Unsure of what that meant, he slowly made his way to the door leading to the hallway. It wasn't until he heard someone call his name did he freeze. When he saw Spock turn and look in his direction, he took off for the sickbay doors. He couldn't be sure that Spock wouldn't hurt him, couldn't be sure that they weren't going to come and take him away again. Punish him by denying him access to the one person who made him feel safe. He could hear someone calling his name but he kept running until he reached the turbolift, boarded and stated his destination. He had enough time to turn around and see Spock rounding the corner, just before the lift doors closed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ni'droi'ik nar-tor, Ashyam, na' t'nash-veh vravshaya-tor shroi. Sanu, rai taflaya, sanu  
> I am sorry, beloved, for my failure to listen. Please, no punishment, please.
> 
> Rai taflaya, Ashayam  
> No punishment, beloved.
> 
> Ashayam, sanu, than ri-trasha. Ni' droi'ik nar-tor.  
> Beloved, please, do not punish. I am sorry.
> 
> Sanu, Ashayam, Sanu  
> Please, Ashyam, please
> 
> Ashayam, sanu kilko-srashiv.  
> Beloved, please answer.
> 
> Ashayam...sanu...than ri trasha  
> Beloved, please do not leave.
> 
> Au nan-tor klau kanok-veh, sanu Ashayam, Ni'droi'ik nar-tor, au afer-tor t'nash-veh kobat'es. Vesht dungi ki'sarlah nash-veh fa'-tor eit'jae thrap-fam'es...
> 
> They threaten to harm everyone, please Ashayam, I am sorry, they found my weakness. I would have come before to beg forgivness...
> 
> Ashayam...sanu...than ri trasha  
> Beloved, please do not leave.
> 
> Vi, Ashayam, sanu var-tor etek vi?  
> Who, beloved, tell us who?
> 
> Ni'droi'ik nar-tor, sanu than ri taflau kanok-veh  
> I am sorry, please do not punish everyone
> 
> Sanu, Sanu...ni'droi'ik nar-tor, Ashayam  
> Please, please...do not punish, beloved
> 
> Sanu, Ashayam, nam'uh hayal. Bolau ti shom Jim. Dungau gla-tor nash-veh au than ri klau kanok-veh  
> Please, beloved, calm down, You need to rest Jim. I shall see they do not harm everyone.


	3. Chapter 3

Spock stood in Dr. McCoy's office listening to him go on about Jim's medical history and dietary habits. Biting back a long suffering sigh, he tried to keep his mind focused but found it wandering back to the blond. He wondered again how Jim knew Vulcan, could it be from the bond or previous melds, and what had he meant by punishment for everyone? He jerked when he realized McCoy was standing directly in front of him, scowl fixed firmly on his face. “My apologies doctor, I was thinking of the best ways to help the Captain.” His expression eased slightly as he seemed to think about Spock's words.

“Does he even remember anything from Janjira? He says he doesn't even remember anything that happened before you guys disappeared on the planet. Just what the hell happened to him Spock? Why are none of you telling me so I can help Jim in the best way possible?” McCoy's frustration showed in his voice but his confusion and concern came through as well.

Spock looked at the brunette, aware of the relationship between both men. He wasn't sure it was in the doctor's best interest to know what was going on. “It may be...safer, doctor, if you did not know everything at this time. It will be up to Jim to decide if you are to be told anything other than what has been provided.” Spock looked up at the sound of someone calling Jim's name. Turning towards the window he saw the blond watching him. The fear in his eyes stopped Spock's breath. _What had they done to him for him to fear me?_ Spock moved without thinking, instinctively calling out to the departing figure.

“Captain?” When he received no answer he followed after him. By the time he made it out of sick bay and around the corner to the turbolift, the doors were closing and Jim stood watching him. He could see the fear but there was something else, something Spock was sure he hadn't seen since Janjira. “Jim?” He moved forward as the doors slid closed. By the time he made it, the car was taking Jim to his destination.

“Just what the hell happened, why did he bolt? Spock, damnit! I need some answers if I'm to help Jim, so out with it just what the fuck happened to my best friend and what the hell's going on with him now?!” McCoy stood behind Spock, his anger coming off of him in waves. He glared at the young Vulcan then turned to the lift doors. He was worried about his best friend, what was happening to him? Why would he leave knowing that he wasn't going to be confined or punished or what ever else Jim thought was going to happen? He let out a frustrated sigh, turning back to Spock he noticed the expression on his face. “Spock, hey are you ok? Come on let's get you to sickbay so you can sit down. We'll have Sulu find Jim, you look like you're about to pass out.” McCoy grasped Spock by his upper arm and pulled him back towards sickbay.

“No, doctor, I will find the Captain myself. Mr. Sulu has enough duties to fulfill.” Spock took a deep breath and silently counted to ten. There was something seriously wrong with the situation and he needed to find Jim in order to figure it out. “I will need to contact my counterpart after finding the Captain...Jim.” He went over the possible places that Jim could be on the ship. Where would he go if he didn't want to be found? Who would ignore the captain on his own ship if he asked them to? Spock looked over at McCoy, “Dr. I will meet you and Mr. Sulu in the Captain's quarters once I have found him.” He held up a hand to forestall the coming protest. “Please, doctor, for once let us put aside our differences and do what it best for Jim.” He stepped back from McCoy, he needed to contact his counterpart immediately. If Jim's current symptoms were due to the bond...

“Spock? Spock, danmit man here you go again! I don't know why I even put up with you two! I swear between you and Jim I'm going to be gray before my time.” McCoy threw up his hands in frustrated anger. He turned and walked away from Spock muttering about stubborn, secretive Vulcans and even crazier best friends. He stopped before entering the sickbay, “I'll contact Sulu, don't contact Scotty, he'll just indulge Jim's desire to hide from us. I expect you to let me know the moment you have found him, Spock.” McCoy gave Spock one more searching look then turned and headed to his office.

Spock turned and headed to the turbo lift, once inside he tried to go over the events of a few moments ago. He still couldn't understand why Jim would have left, he had informed him that he would return for him. There should have been no reason for the fear he had seen in the ocean blue eyes. There was also something else there that Spock hadn't seen since Janjira, that need and confusion. He gave himself a mental shake when the lift doors opened on the officer's deck where the living quarter's were. Walking quickly to his private quarters, next door to the captains, Spock punched in his security code and entered once the door had opened.

Once inside, Spock stopped in the middle of the room and took a deep breath, then another. His body was thrumming with pent up energy, the feeling putting him on edge. He needed to meditate but he also needed to send a message to New Vulcan. He looked over at his desk, wondering how to broach the subject with his counterpart until his door chime sounded. He closed his eyes wearily, he didn't want to deal with anyone except Jim right now but as second in command, he was in charge with the captain on medical leave.

“Enter.” Spock answered, making sure his voice was loud enough to be heard through the door. He didn't turn to see who entered, choosing to remain where he was standing. It wasn't until the other spoke did his eyes snap open with surprise.

“Spock, i-is this a-a bad time?” Jim watched the silent man in front of him. He knew he shouldn't have left without explaining what happened or why he felt the need to leave. He watched as his first officer turned to face him, noticing the way he seemed to look him over, trying to asses if he were ok or not. “I'm fine Spock, I went down to engineering a-and Scotty said I needed to talk to you because...” He trailed off, frustrated and helpless to explain. Jim kept his gaze fixed on Spock, “He said you wouldn't hurt me but we're not...we're just friends Spock! Why would you care about what happens to me?” Jim couldn't help but blurt out the statement. He couldn't figure out why he was dreaming about the man in front of him. Why he was jealous of anyone who touched him or stood to close or...

“That is not true, Jim.” Spock stated softly. He watched as Jim tried to figure out what he meant. Spock wanted to tell him everything, to explain to him his part in what happened on Janjira. “We are friends, I will always care about what happens to you, I have never said anything different.”

Jim looked at the man before him, wondering desperately if that were all it was, “Friends...i-is that the only reason?” Jim's gaze didn't leave the dark one. That still didn't explain Jim's dreams about Spock or his being able to speak Vulcan. “Yet neither of us know why I'm able to speak Vulcan or even understand it for that matter. What the hell happened to me on Janjira Spock? We came back less two men and nobody told me! Now I'm having nightmares about a time and situation that I can't for the life of me remember!” Jim couldn't control the urge to pace. Moving from one end of the room to the other, frustration and anger clear in every step. He needed answers and the only person who he knew could give them to him was Spock.

Spock watched the blond pacing in front of him. He wanted to answer all of his questions but their warning kept haunting him. They had made it very clear Jim was to remember on his own, the away team was only allowed to assist if needed but they were not allowed to tell him what happened. “If it were that simple to explain, Captain, I would do so.” He could see the anger building in his mate, the confusion written across his face. “The Janjirian's were very...” He paused as he remembered how they had forced his and Sulu's compliance. “Persuasive...in forcing our...compliance...to their terms as far as you were concerned, Captain...Jim, please understand...” Spock paused as Jim interrupted him.

Jim stared at Spock, eyes wide. “What did they do t-to persuade you two to keep silent Spock?” He watched as the taller man seemed to struggle with his words.

“It is a...difficult situation, Captain.” He remembered the warning they had given, _There will be someone watching at all times, Vulcan. He will learn on his own what has happened here. Any interference will result in severe consequences._

“Damnit Spock, stop fucking calling me Captain! You've called me Jim throughout most of the day and now...now it's back to Captain? If we're friends then why are we back at titles and not first names?” Jim knew he was acting irrationally but something was seriously wrong, he could tell but he couldn't figure it out. He knew that it had something to do with his first officer but how did he tie into everything else going on?

Jim's blue gaze narrowed on Spock and his voice took on a sharp edge. “Mr. Spock, I demand an answer as to what, exactly, is going on.” Jim knew that Spock would not refuse a direct order, it was not in his nature to ignore his commanding officer. Unless it was for the good of the ship and Jim didn't think that his not having memory of what happened to him was for the good of the ship.

“I can not tell you Cap..,Jim, not at this time.” Spock stated, trying to keep his distance from Jim. When he looked at him, his gaze had narrowed on him in anger.

Jim's eye's flashed as they narrowed into blue slits of fire. “Are you trying to take the ship... _my_ ship...away from me?! I am _not_ unfit for duty and I will not let you take my ship from me!” Jim's fear and confusion had morphed into angry defiance. He stood in front Spock, his stance combative and anger flashing in his eyes.

Spock looked at the angry blond, his own temper sparking. “Hiyet, Jim...kroykah sanu!” Spock, who was known as a soft spoken person, now spoke in a harsh tone. “Fa-wak tor du ra karthau, kal-tor etek-tor danau kanok-vei. Bau-tor eifa vi nan-tor klau tu, dungi-sarlah ri kal-tor taflaya, Ashayam.”

Jim's gaze snapped back to Spock, paying close attention to what he said. He glanced around the room then back to Spock. “Tu dungi ri kal-tor taflaya...t-tu sanu?” He didn't care anymore how he knew Vulcan, he just wanted to know what the hell was going on, What had happened to him on Janjira?

Before Spock could answer the door chimed, alerting him to the arrival of Dr. McCoy, Mr Sulu and Chief Engineer Scott. Spock nodded to each of them once they had been given permission to enter, then turned to Sulu. “Mr. Sulu, if you will inform Dr. McCoy and Mr. Scott of the events of Janjira. I will make sure that the Captain has something to eat while he rests.” Glancing at Jim he took in the stubborn set of his jaw and the angry glint in his eyes.

“Spock, are you sure? I mean, what the Janjirians said...” Sulu started to protest.

“I am certain Mr. Sulu. The Captain is beginning to remember and we were told most specifically that once his memory started to return we would be able to...” He glanced at Jim then back to Sulu. “Inform the Captain of the events that occurred on Janjira.”

Jim looked between the two. “Well someone needs to tell me what's going on so we can figure out how to fix it.”

“First, you're going to sit your ass down and eat, unless for some damn reason you've forgotten how to do both.” McCoy glared at Jim. He watched as Jim glanced over at Spock and waited for something. When Spock gave a small nod of his head, Jim turned back to McCoy with a grin.

“Fine Bonsey old boy, just as long as I'm getting that burger and fries you promised.” Jim grinned, ignoring the look that passed between Scotty and McCoy.

“Of all things for you to remember you _would_ remember that.” McCoy grumbled as he headed toward the replicator. “Spock, would it be safe to say that you do have human meals programmed in your replicator?”

Jim looked up sharply at the comment, his temper spiking. “Seriously Bones, why wouldn't he? It's not as if Spock always prefers Vulcan foods, his mom is human for fuckssakes!” Tone sharper than usual, Jim's blue gaze narrowed on McCoy, his anger seething under his skin. It was an irrational action but for some reason it bothered him that McCoy couldn't seem to get along with Spock.

Spock gave Jim a brief look then turned back to the doctor. “There are several different selections specifically designed for the captain himself. If you would prefer, I will get the captain his food that way you are able to focus on what it is Mr. Sulu has to say.” He knew the spike of anger was irrational and misplaced. It had shot through him after the doctors words but they hadn't been his feelings. He looked back to where Jim was sitting on the couch, watching him as he talked to Scotty.

“I, uh, sure Spock, I meant no offense, just wasn't sure if you had anything for Jim to get his energy back up.” Confusion colored his words as he moved back to where Sulu stood listening to Scotty and Jim.

Spock watched the doctor move towards the others as Scotty talked. He wasn't sure how but Jim was able to project his feelings despite the strain on their bond. He moved towards the replicator and input the information for Jim's meal. His mind kept returning to the fact that Jim some how knew Vulcan and was obviously very fluent in it despite not remembering how he learned it. Holding in a very un-Vulcan like sigh, Spock turned at the sound of someone behind him. He came face to face with his captain who was wearing a look of concern.

“Hey, uh, you ok? I-I'm sorry if I was out of line earlier. I wasn't trying to be, ummm, difficult?” Jim tried not to fidget under the dark gaze. He was surprised at the surge of anger at McCoy for his statement. “I don't...this is a little hard for me to understand. The memory loss, the nightmares and stress, I feel like I'm losing my mind, Spock.” He paused as Spock removed a tray of food from the replicator, reaching for it he said softly, “There's more Spock, I know there's more but I can't...it's just...it's not something I can put my finger on. It's just a feeling I have in my gut, something happened Spock, something...important and I can't remember and I feel like I _should_.” Jim looked at Spock, He set the tray of food down and stood up straight. Looking into the eyes of his friend and first officer Jim took a deep breath. “I-I need you to see what it is I remember, what is in my head...”

“Now wait just a goddamn minute, Jim?!” McCoy's angry tone rang out across the room. “Just what the hell do you think you're doing? If Sulu is supposed to tell us what happened...”

“He can't tell me everything Bones he wasn't with me all of the time!” Jim turned to look at his best friend. “You _know_ me Bones. You know me well enough that when I say there is something wrong, there is _something wrong_.” Jim stared at his friend, ocean blue eyes begging warm sienna to understand. “I have to do this. Sulu knows parts but...” He glanced back at the silent man behind him, noticing the way he refused to meet his eyes. “But Spock can find out what else it is I don't remember with a meld. Whatever else happened that neither he nor Sulu can tell me, the meld will.” Looking back at McCoy then turning his gaze on Scotty he begged his friends to understand. “Scotty, please you know as well as Bones that if there were any other way...”

“Ach, laddie I know but doona think we would like to see this for ya'. Ifn Mr. Spock canna find anything, what then, what would you have us do? Ya' know Jimmy, if this is as serious as Sulu and Mr. Spock is sayin' maybe it wouldna' be better to hear Sulu first then go with the meld?” Scotty, who usually never entered an argument between Jim and McCoy, looked between both men. He noticed the weight loss and dark circles under Jim's eyes. The way he seemed to prowl the ship late at night, thinking no one would notice him.“Ya' sure ya' doin' ok Jimmy? Are ya' up for this task?” Scotty knew his friend was stubborn and determined but he looked like he was drained of all energy, a shell of who he used to be and like McCoy, he was worried.

Jim looked back at Spock, ocean blue meeting chocolate brown. “Would it be easier to do this now or wait? You know better than I do how the meld works, would it be a problem if Sulu talks while we do the meld?” He didn't remember there being any noise or sound when he'd melded with Spock Prime but...

“It would be better if there is complete silence, however if you wish, we can preform the meld with Mr. Sulu informing Dr. McCoy and Mr. Scott of the events of Janjira.” Spock looked at Jim, he could feel his heart racing and his nerves thrumming throughout his body.

“W-what did your elder self say? Would the meld harm me if you're trying to find what I don't remember?” Jim looked at the tall, pale man in front of him. He didn't miss the way his eyes seemed to look him over, same as he had earlier that day, nor did he miss the slight trembling in the hands at his sides. “Tell me Spock, what did he say?” Jim watched as Spock seemed to struggle with his answer. “I know you spoke to him Spock, what did he tell you?”

Spock tried to keep the desire to meld them under control, he could feel the pull of the bond between them. The way it demanded to be joined with its other half. Spock knew what needed to be done but if he melded with Jim... “I...he stated that it would be far more beneficial to recover what has happened through a meld, if I am not...emotionally compromised from what happened. “ Spock looked at Jim, knowing that he was, in fact, emotionally compromised. His counterpart had warned him that it could harm Jim if he preformed the meld without some type of mental stability. He did not wish to harm his captain...his friend...his bondmate...any more than he had already. That desire however, still did not quiet the need thrumming through him for the man in front of him.

“Well then w-what if Sulu tells Scotty and Bones a-and you do the meld? We can go to my quarters if that will help.” Jim looked over at the trio near the far wall then back to Spock. “That would be fine right, we can do things that way?”

Sulu looked around the room, his gaze encompassing everyone in the room. “We need to do what's best for _Jim_ and not what _we_ think is best. This is his mind...his _life_ we're talking about and we need to make sure that we all understand that.” He gave McCoy a hard look as he started to protest then turned to Scotty who nodded his head in agreement. Turning to Spock, Sulu sighed, “This may actually be the only way, Commander I-I mean Mr. Spock. It will give you the privacy needed to preform the meld.” Sulu was the only one aware of what happened between between Jim and Spock and hoped things could be fixed for his friend.

Spock nodded his head, his thoughts disordered and in chaos, he was trying to control the fire racing through him, knew that what had happened should not have so soon and now was the result of it. He would not force the bonding despite the pain they both suffered but he would at least let Jim know he had a choice. He would tell him the truth of what happened on Janjira between them and let him decide where to go from there. Looking at the pale blond standing in front of him, he made a decision. “We will help you remember as much as you wish to know...Jim.” He could see the indecision in the ocean blue eyes, the desire to find out the truth warred with the need for self preservation.

Jim looked around at the others in the room. He wanted to know what was happening to him, why were his dreams being taken over, why was it he remembered things that he didn't understand? Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. He needed to remain calm and just focus, if he could do that then things would be ok for a moment. Eyes snapping back open he looked from Spock to Sulu then back. “What did you mean by _it's a difficult situation_ , Spock?” Jim's blue gaze narrowed, he could feel his anger writhing through him as he tried to focus on the issues at hand. “Does what happened put someone on the ship in danger or...”

“Yes...” Spock interrupted softly, his tone hard.

Jim blinked, “W-what...who Spock, who is in danger and why are we just now discussing it?”

“You...Jim...you're the one in danger.” Sulu spoke up behind him.

Turning, Jim looked at him with a frown. “Just how in the hell am I in danger on my own ship?! Who in the hell am _I_ in danger from and why?”

“Me...Jim...” Spock said softly. He hated it, hated himself for having to admit to his weaknesses in front of the others as well as Jim. Having been raised in a culture where their secrets were kept secret from everyone, including themselves, Spock found that he only wanted to tell _Jim_ everything...alone...but knew now it was to late. He and Sulu had made the decision, along with the Janjirans and their other team members, that if Jim were to start remembering anything he would be told the truth.

“Spock...wait...what, I-I don't understand?” Jim looked again from Spock to Sulu, desperately trying to figure out what was going on.

“Just what, exactly, do you mean when you say _Jim_ is in danger from _you_ , Spock?” Jaw clenched tightly, McCoy looked at him with a narrowed gaze. Then turned his angry glare on Sulu. “Sulu, care to explain because if Jim is in danger from his first officer, then as chief medical officer I have the right to remove his ass from his post!” He looked from Sulu then to Scotty, who nodded his head.

“Aye laddie, ifn' your in danger from Mr. Spock then woudna' it be in ya' best interest to put some distance between ya' both?” Scotty kept his gaze on Jim. “Unless, there is a reason for Mr. Spock to be around ya'...” He paused as Spock's gaze snapped to him and gave him a small smile. “I've been watchin' ya' both, I see the looks passing between you two.” He didn't look away until he saw Jim move closer to Spock.

“What is it Spock, something happened that neither of you want to talk about.” Jim could feel the uncertainty coming from the other, slowly moving closer to reassure him.

“Mr. Sulu and I will attempt to explain what happened as best we can.” Spock looked at Jim, he would ask him again out loud but his eyes begged the other to please understand.

Jim moved closer and reached out for him. “Spock, what is it? Damnit you know you can tell me anything!”

“Go with Spock, Jim. Do the meld and hopefully you'll have all your answers. I'll explain as best I can to Scotty and Len what happened, you two can fill in whatever I miss.” Sulu sounded tired and resigned. He looked at his friend and captain then over to their first officer. He knew this story was going to be difficult to tell because he wasn't to sure about parts of it himself but he would try.

Jim kept his gaze on Spock, noticing the tremor that seemed to run through him. He took in the light flush of his skin and the way he would not look at him. He could feel something...something pulling him to Spock. Something demanding that he comfort him, ease the trembling. “Spock, what's going on?” He placed a hand on the others arm and flinched when he jerked back as if burned. Jim looked at him with wide eyes, surprised at the action. He had felt something...something strong and sharp shoot up his arm at the touch.

Sulu grabbed Jim by his wrist. “Jim, wait before you do that...” Sulu tried to pull him away from Spock. He could see that Spock was trying to keep it together and wanted to help.

Jim tried to pull away from the hand pulling him in the opposite direction as Spock. Something in him was telling him he needed to remain closer, as close as he could get to the tall Vulcan. Something was wrong and he needed to find out. He pulled away from Sulu and moved back towards Spock. Speaking in Vulcan, Jim said softly, “Spock, kilko-srashiv t'nash-veh deshker...sanu.” Jim watched as Spock seemed to struggle with his decision. “Spock...”

“We will let Mr. Sulu explain what he remembers, first...the meld will require meditation and I have not yet been able to do so...”

Jim frowned, “Emotional compromise, yeah I remember. It can destroy either one or both minds if the melder is not sufficiently prepared.”

Spock nodded, then turned his gaze to Sulu. “If you will excuse me, I will go and meditate.” He nodded to the other men in the room, looked at Jim then turned towards the bathroom he shared with his captain and friend.

_Y-you're leaving me alone! Please, please d-don't go, don't leave me, I-I'll do better..._

Spock paused at the bathroom door, turning back to look at Jim one more time, he nodded his head once then left the room.

_I will not be far Ashayam, trust me, I beg of thee, I will not leave you..._

Jim wanted to follow Spock, wanted to make sure that he was ok.

“Jim, let me explain first. You need to sit down and just...” Sulu let out a huff of irritation. “Please, sit down and let me explain, afterward you and Spock can do the meld and figure out whatever else it is you're missing.”

Jim frowned again but picked up the tray of now cold food and sat down. “Ok I'm sitting, the food is in front of me and you now have me, Bones, and Scotty all on the edge of our seats. _Just what the fuck happened on Janjira?_ ” Jim had had enough and he could feel the anger starting to rise again. He looked from one man to the other, giving an irritated sigh at the silence.

Sulu glared at him, “Don't be an ass Jim, we're only trying to help.” Sulu gave a shake of his head and took a deep breath. Sighing, he turned back to the three on the sofa. “About six or seven months ago we were sent on a mission to Janjira. It was supposed to be an easy one, relax and check out the planet. Do our usual research and recon, collect samples, meet the natives, that sort of thing.”

“I remember that, we put together a team of what...six? The Janjirian ambassador met us at the beam down point. They seemed to be a nice species, little odd with the eyes and skin color but hey, I can't complain.” Jim grinned up at his friend who returned the smile. Proud to have remembered that much, he started to eat as he listened to Sulu explain their first few nights on the planet.

“Well, the first few days went smoothly, it wasn't until the third day that things started to go south...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiyet, Jim...kroykah sanu! Fa-wak tor du ra karthau, kal-tor etek-tor danau kanok-vei. Bau-tor eifa vi nan-tor klau tu, dungi-sarlah ri kal-tor taflaya, Ashayam
> 
> Enough Jim...stop please! You will do what I command, allow us to explain. Disregard those who threatn to harm you, I will not allow punishment, Ashayam.
> 
> Tu dungi ri kal-tor taflaya...t-tu sanu?  
> you will not allow punishment...y-you promise?
> 
> Kilko-srashiv t'nash-veh deshker...sanu.  
> Answer my question...please.


	4. Chapter 4

“Well, Mr. Spock looks like we may be able to enjoy the hospitality of our hosts without incident.” Jim looked around at the tall buildings they passed. Taking in the bright colors and styles. It reminded him of some old pictures he'd seen of 20th century Earth, back during the times of Carnivale. “This architecture is amazing, I wonder who designed it and what their purpose was in the style.”

“I am not sure Captain, however it is reminiscent of some of Earth's earlier architecture, especially that of old world Spain or Mexico.” Spock spoke from his left, tricorder in hand, as he took readings of their surroundings.

“It is our hope to cater to all species and we found most of our guest enjoy this particular style. Most say it is comforting.” The Janjirian emissary, Nilteva, walked in front of them. He had been pointing out places of interest to the away team since their arrival, two days ago. Nilteva was a short man with dark orange hair and ruby red skin. He spoke with a soft lilt to his tone and used his hands, and was an excitable man who seemed to smile at everything. “We are most excited to have the Federation Enterprise here. You and your crew are most welcome Captain, most welcome!” He smiled up at Jim then looked over at Spock, giving him a head nod which was returned.

Jim grinned as he took in their surroundings. “What do you think Spock, maybe we could get used to some serious R&R here?” Jim could have sworn he saw a smile curve the Vulcan's lips but when he looked closer it was gone.

“This would indeed provide much needed rest for the crew, Captain. Which is beneficial to everyone if they are to continue their tasks at peak performance levels.” Spock looked at Jim and tried to hide the fluttering of his heart. For months he's been trying to hide his feelings for his captain but it was becoming increasingly difficult. James T. Kirk was a dynamic force all on his own to deal with and if one ever got caught up in the pull of his smile or his good will then they were truly blessed to be a better person after their experience.

Jim gave him a wide grin then turned to Nilteva. “Well if we have nothing to worry about...”

“There is no reason for you to fear anyone or anything here Captain. You and your crew..” Nilteva was interrupted by the sounds of disruptor fire.

“Everyone find cover!” Jim yelled out to his team. He ducked as rock and debris started falling around them. Trying to avoid being hit, he grabbed Spock and pulled him into an empty building behind him. “Spock, you ok? You didn't get hit by anything did you?” Jim searched him, hands moving frantically over the other as he tried to find any signs of injury on the man in front of him. “I don't...I don't see any blood or anything...” Fear and adrenaline raced through Jim's system as he tried to make sure Spock was ok.

“I am uninjured Captain, there is no need to worry about me. It is you who requires medical assistance.” Spock was staring at Jim's forehead where a large gash sat just above his right eye. Reaching up, Spock frowned, “Are you alright Captain?”

Jim swayed on his feet, “Yeah. I-I'm ok just worried about my team, has anyone checked in yet?” Jim blinked as he felt the blood trickling down the side of his face, could feel fire burning up his back. Why did these missions always end with him getting injured or someone dying?

“Mr. Sulu reports that they found the group responsible for the attack and Nilteva appears to be unconscious.” He scanned the other man's vital signs, making note to get them to Dr. McCoy before leaving orbit.

Jim nodded then tried to keep from passing out. Whatever had hit him, hit him hard because he was now dizzy and having trouble standing up. He reached out for Spock, gasping softly at the pain throbbing in his skull. “Spock, m-maybe we should return to the s-ship?” Jim stumbled as he took a step towards the doorway. Grasping the frame he tried to keep himself upright. It was the gasp from the man behind him that caused him to turn around, which in turn made the world tilt as he slowly spiraled to the ground and into darkness.

“Captain? Jim you must...” Spock moved forward quickly, catching the other as he slowly sank towards the ground. He tried to hold the gasp in when he saw his captains back but was sure it had been heard. Turning Jim over as gently as possible, Spock noticed the twin dots on the back of Jim's neck as well as the pattern. It looked like he had been hit close range by a phaser but there hadn't been anyone next to him other than himself and...

Spock looked over at the groaning man a few feet away. Something was not right here, pulling out his comm unit Spock called Sulu and the rest of the away team. “Mr. Sulu be sure to ask for the weapon type and the damage it can do. The Captain has sustained some injuries that were not caused from the attack.”

_“Is he ok Spock, is Jim breathing? What do his vitals look like? You know McCoy will have our asses if Jim is hurt and we can't tell him anything.”_

“I am aware of Dr. McCoy's protective nature concerning the captain. Currently he has passed out due to a large gash on his forehead and a series of blasts to his back...”

_“How is that possible, there was no phaser fire from behind us. The only way Jim could have been hit...”_

“...were if someone standing behind him shot him...”

_“There wasn't anyone close enough with a phaser though so how could Jim have been hit?”_

“There was someone...when you have finished your surveillance of the area we will discuss our findings then. Contact the ship and have Mr. Scott or Mr. Chekov beam down to help with our attackers. I am beaming back to the ship with the Captain and our guide.”

_“Gotcha, we'll wrap up down here then meet you back on the ship. Let me know if you need anything Commander.”_

“I will be in contact Mr. Sulu, Spock out.” Spock looked down at Jim then back to Nilteva. He noticed the other man's green gaze on him. “I demand to know why you shot the Captain?” Spock looked at the shorter man, rage slowly building at the fact that Jim had been hurt.

“W-we needed someone t-to help us get heard.” He gasped. He tried to sit up but fell back gasping in pain.

“You wish to be heard in what way? That still does not explain why you shot Captain Kirk.” He could feel his control beginning to slip as his anger began to build. “Answer me!” He yelled at the man, “You _assaulted_ an officer of the Federation yet claim to have asked us here to _join_ the Federation. What is it you hope to gain from your attack?” He stared at the man writhing in front of him. His pain was clear but Spock was in no hurry to help him. It wasn't until his comm beeped and the voice of Dr. McCoy came through did he move.

_“Spock damnit just what the hell is going on down there? Sulu told me you're on your way back with Jim because he's been shot?! What's taking so long you green blooded...”_

“D-don't finish that s-statement B-bones...” Jim gasped as he tried to sit up. Blinking, he looked around, looking for, “Spock...” He reached for him as he struggled to stand up. Swaying, Jim looked between his first officer and their guide. “W-what happened...”

“It would seem you have been shot by our guide Captain. We are currently headed back to the ship.” Spock held Jim up while keeping his gaze on Nilteva.

“W-why? W-why would he s-shoot me?” Jim stammered, he could feel the darkness slowly coming back to claim him, as a wave of dizziness washed over him.

_“Damnit will one of you tell me what's going on?!”_ McCoy shouted.

“We are beaming back to the ship, doctor, please be prepared because the captain is hurt. We will discuss it more once we are back on board, Spock out.”

“They will not let you leave with him alive.” The injured man gasped. “In order to be heard _he_ will have to die.” Nilteva looked at Spock then over to Jim. He could see the surprise on their faces. “W-we needed someone...who would h-help us make a s-statement and you, Captain Kirk, is that someone. Your death will make a statement...”

“He will _not_ die here nor for any purpose other than his own.” Spock growled low in his throat. He glared at the small, red skinned man, Baring his teeth as he took a step forward.

“Spock,” Jim gasped. “W-we can t-t-take him w-with us, l-let the F-f-federation know.” He was cold, shivering uncontrollably, as he tried to talk to his first officer. To calm him down so they could get out of this as best they could. “C-call Scotty, t-tell him to beam us directly to sickbay.” He looked over into concerned chocolate brown eyes. “Hey, I-I'm gonna be ok, p-promise.” Jim sighed as he struggled to stay conscious. What ever he'd been hit with must be causing his drowsiness because all he could think of was going to sleep.

Spock pulled out his communicator, “Spock to Enterprise, come in please.”

_“Enterprise here, Scott speaking. We've been waitin' on you and the Captain to contact us Commander. Are ya' ok?”_

“We need you to beam three directly to sickbay Mr. Scott, immediately. The Captain has been injured.” Spock looked down at Jim, taking in the pallor of his skin, the rapid breaths he seemed to take.

_“Energizing now Commander.”_

Spock looked over at their guide then back at Jim. “You will not come to harm, Jim. I will not allow it.” He whispered fiercely. He would protect him from what ever threat was out there, no matter what it took. He could feel the familiar molecular deconstruction the transporter caused. The separation of ones DNA being pulled apart then put back together again. He didn't take a breath until they had materialized in sickbay, the sound of Dr. McCoy's angry voice a welcome reprieve from the violent thoughts swirling in his head.

“Damnit Spock, I thought you said he wouldn't come to any danger down there! Just what the hell happened and why does Jim look like he's knocking on deaths door?!” McCoy looked at the stoic Vulcan and sighed. He scanned Jim with a tricorder, glancing briefly over at Nilteva. “And just who the hell is he?”

Spock glanced over at the other man. “He is one of the group who tried to see the Captain killed. They wish to start their own brand of a revolution and tried to use the Captain as the means to do so.” He laid Jim down on the biobed indicated by McCoy and watched as the monitor above him came to life.

Nilteva looked at Spock, a sad smile on his face. “T-they will n-not stop until h-he is dead. Y-you can not s-save him, Son of Sarek, he w-will not be t'hy'la.” His gaze was blank as he spoke to Spock, noting the surprised look in the others eyes. “T-telepathic r-race, your shields t-took longer than most, however...”

The sound of the biobed alarms echoed throughout the room. Spock looked down at the blond in front of him then back up to the monitors. He jerked when he heard Dr. McCoy shouting for him to step back from Jim.

“Spock damnit, let me do my job, move back so I can take care of Jim.”

Spock nodded and stepped back out of the way. He watched as the doctor worked to stabilize the unconscious blond. His heart beating rapidly in his side as he thought about what Nilteva said. Looking over at the other man, he walked towards him, confusion and anger burning through him. “What do you mean when you say _he will not be t'h'y'la_? How is it you think you know what this word means?” No one could know, it wasn't possible, he'd done his best to make sure that his feelings weren't obvious to anyone but those closest to him.

“Y-you long for him, your mind...it calls to him j-just as his calls t-to you.” Nilteva looked over at Jim then back to Spock. “T-they will not let him live. You can not protect him.” He coughed as he tried to breath. “There w-will be war, son of Sarek.” The monitor above him gave off a shrill beep as he gasped once then went still.

Spock stared at the dead man, rage building in him. He'd lost Jim once because of a mad man's desire for war, he would not let it happen again. Turning to the blond man lying silently behind him, he frowned. They could not have him, he would not lose him again. “I will be on the bridge doctor. Inform me of any changes to the Captain's condition immediately...please.” He looked at the silent brunette standing on the other side of the bed.

“Who is _they_ , what the hell is this t'hy'la, and why does all of this involve Jim?” McCoy looked at Spock, tired and worried about his best friend.

“I do not know who _they_ are doctor nor do I know why it involves the Captain. Just that who ever this...group is, they wish him harm.” Looking back down at Jim, he resisted the urge to step closer. “I must take care of the ship, doctor, if you will excuse me.” Spock was aware that he did not answer the doctor's question about the word...one from ancient times...one whose meaning he couldn't discuss just yet. He turned and walked out of the room, crossing the sickbay in four quick strides. Once he crossed the threshold into the hallway, he let out a soft breath, trying to reign in his anger. Glancing at the crew members walking before him, he nodded to a few then headed to the turbolift. He refused to give in to his emotions, knew it would do him no good to lose control. He needed to find out who Nilteva was with and why they would want to attack a Federation captain.

After his shift, Spock headed to sick bay to check on Jim's status. Dr. McCoy reported that after making sure they used a dermal-regenerator for Jim's back, they were doing everything they could to fight of an infection running through the blonds system. He had looked haggard but determined if nothing else and Spock had nodded, thanked the brunette and left. Now, sitting in the middle of the floor in his quarters, he was trying his best to rebuild his shields.

He needed to regain his focus... _a telepathic race_ , Nilteva had said that the Janjirians were telepathic. How did they not know this? Why was this information kept from them?

“ _...ock?”_

Jim had looked so small and still, almost like he had after they had brought him back from death once before. The blond hair was dull and the usually tan face was a pasty white. White hot anger and pain coursed through him. _T-they will n-not stop until h-he is dead. Y-you can not s-save him, Son of Sarek, he w-will not be t'hy'la._ Nilteva's words repeated themselves over and over in his mind like a mantra.

He knew he needed to control his feelings when it came to his Captain but was finding it more and more difficult... _T'hy'la_ , that's what Nilteva said... _T'hy'la_...could Jim be?

_“Spock, come in!”_

He needed to figure out just what Jim meant to him... _how_...how was it possible that Jim could have come to mean so much and he not even realize...

_“Spock damnit man, answer me!”_ McCoy's angry baritone could be heard over the comm system.

The angry voice jerked Spock abruptly out of his meditative state. Blinking, he tried to order his thoughts, answering automatically. “Spock here, is there a problem doctor?”

_“Is there a problem? Are you kidding me?! The red alert has been going off for the past five minutes and you mean to tell me...”_ McCoy shouted.

Spock looked around to see the red lights flashing, walking over to his console he pressed the button for the bridge. “Mr. Sulu, why are we at red alert and why was I not notified?” Spock tried to keep his voice level. He had been trying to reconcile his feelings to what Nilteva had said before dying. He'd been so deep in meditation that he hadn't heard the ships alert system.

_“Sorry Mr. Spock but we didn't have time. There are intruders on board and they have the Captain...”_

Spock froze, “What deck are they on and how many are there on the ship?” He looked at the monitor to see the young man moving through information on the computer. He tried to curb his impatience until Dr. McCoy's voice came through over the intercom again.

_“Spock, we need to find Jim. We need to get rid of that infection or it will kill him. I've got the hypo for it but the longer we wait, the higher the chances of us not being able to get rid of it.”_ The anxiety and worry could be heard in his voice.

_“They're on deck 16 Mr. Spock looks like there are two with the Captain and two more on the deck below.”_ Sulu followed the doctor's announcement.

Rage shook him, they could not have him, Jim was his! “Mr Sulu, alert security to meet me on deck 16. They are not to engage the intruders until I arrive. Dr. McCoy I am on my way for the hypo spray.” Nilteva's words rang through his head, _Y-you can not s-save him, he w-will not be t'hy'la._ He would not let them become reality, those words were just words and he could defeat them. He would _not_ lose him again...


	5. Chapter 5

“Commander.” The voice belonged to Lt. Giotto, head of the Enterprise security team. “We've been able to pinpoint their exact location. The only problem is that if they are using the Captain as a shield...”

“We will not be able to get to them.” Spock finished the statement. He could feel his anger slowly beginning to saturate his system. He was trying his best to ignore the voice in his head, the one screaming for the blood of Jim's kidnappers. There was one single word repeating itself over and over...MINE...and Spock was trying to quell the surge of rage that shot through him as he thought of what Dr. McCoy had told him moments earlier.

_“Spock, I don't care how you do it but you need to get this to Jim within the next 24-48 hours. Whatever they infected him with is affecting his immune system. If that goes, you know what could happen. Jim's immune system is the worst in the fleet and if he catches something else...” McCoy stopped talking, taking in the light flush on the young Vulcan's skin. He noticed the dangerous glint in his eyes and the hard set of his jaw. “Spock, you ok? You don't look so good yourself, maybe I...”_

_Spock tried his best not to glare at the brunette in front of him. He was impatient to leave sickbay and get to deck 16, he needed to get to Jim, to save him. “I am well doctor. Is there anything else I should know before we retrieve the Captain?” McCoy looked at Spock, dark eyes narrowing as he seemed to look him over from head to toe. He held the dark gaze, hoping that the other wouldn't see the turmoil he was going through, the chaotic state his thoughts were in. Trying hard not to let out an irritated sigh, Spock schooled his featured into an impassive mask. He tilted his head to the left slightly, a move that Jim had started to mimic. “Doctor?”_

_McCoy blinked then shook his head. There was something going on with Spock and he hoped that whatever it was it didn't hurt Jim. “No, just promise me Spock...” He paused, Jim was his best friend, like a little brother and he didn't want anything to happen to him. “Promise my you'll bring him back...alive. Just...don't let anything happen to him, ok?” He remembered hearing the words of the dying Janjirian,_ “They will not let him live...” _McCoy looked at the other, worry and fear making his voice rough. “Just promise me you won't let anything happen to him again or so help me...”_

_Spock nodded once, “I will do everything I can to keep the Captain safe, doctor, as well as bring him back.” He wanted to add unharmed but wasn't to sure he could promise that. “I must go now doctor if I am to get this to the Captain in time.” His gaze scanned the tan face in front of him. Leonard McCoy was Jim's closest friend and his death by the hands of Khan then subsequent resurrection had affected him deeply. Although he'd been able to bring the blond back, the constant worrying and fear whenever Jim left the ship had taken its toll on him. He stepped closer to the brunette, “I will bring him back doctor, no matter what it takes.” When McCoy nodded, he turned and left the sickbay as quickly as he could._

Looking at the schematic pulled up on the padd in front of them, Spock frowned. “Is there another way around, other than the main doors and the jeffries tubes?”

“From what I understand from Mr. Scott, there isn't. It's either beam in or out or you walk out through the doors.” Giotto looked at the display with a frown. “How long do we have Commander?” Despite the initial animosity between himself and the Captain, he was genuinely worried. He liked the young blond and took his job of protecting him very seriously. “We can always try a cutting tool but th...”

He was cut off by the sound of an explosion. The group turned to look at the hole that had just opened up across from them. Giotto glanced over at Spock then unhooked his phaser. “Stay behind me Commander, we'll go in the way they want to come out.” He whispered, nodding to the other two security offices with him, he made sure one stood behind and one to the side of Spock. Once they were in place, he slowly moved forward, making sure to look around the edge of the opening.

Spock looked around the area once they walked through. He tried to see beyond the dust and debris but was having trouble. Pulling out his tricorder, he scanned the area for life signs. “We have exactly 22 hours to get the anecdote to the Captain or he may die.” Spock looked up from the tricorder, his gaze roaming the room once more. “The life signs are coming from the far side of the room. We must act quickly if we are to save him.” Spock glanced at the security team. “Do not engage them unless needed. We do not know how they will use the Captain in order to get off the ship.” _T-they will not let him live. You can not protect him._ Spock bit back a growl as the words repeated themselves in his head. Racing after all the other statements Nilteva had made concerning the safety of the Captain. “Take every precaution upon approach, we have been informed that the threat to the Captain is very real.”

Giotto and the other two members of his team nodded, then they all spread out across the room. Spock kept as low and to the shadows as possible. This was a seldom used cargo bay and would have gone unnoticed if they hadn't already been alerted to the threat to Jim. He could hear voices at the other end of the space and slowly headed towards them. He looked around a stack of crates to see two men dressed in dark clothing, Jim was on the floor between them, lying still as death. Spock studied the scene, trying to determine the best way to get to Jim without him getting hurt. He was getting ready to move forward when he heard them mention his name.

“T-the Vulcan, Spock, son of Sarek. He will come for him Shalveta, you know he will. Do you not remember what Nilteva said? H-he is most protective...”

“I care not nor am I worried about the Vulcan. He is easily controlled by the use of the Captain as well as his feelings. He will cause us no trouble if he wishes to see this one returned.” Shalveta nudged the man on the floor with his foot, earning a groan of pain from him. His grin turned predatory as he looked the pale blond over. “We may get more from him if we sell him to the traders. They are always looking for a human with this ones particular attributes.”

“Thelios will not be happy with that choice, he said that he wants him for himself.”

“Narris...stop talking. There is no reason for so much doubt. Thelios and Ardrit will be here any moment and we will be gone before they even find us.” Shalveta said, his gaze never leaving the blond at his feet.

“That is not an accurate assumption for you to make.” Spock spoke up as he stepped out of the shadows. “You will not be leaving the ship with the Captain.” His gaze burned as he glared at the two men. “Nor will he come to harm while on his own ship.” He glanced up to see Lt. Giotto and another one of the security officers, Ensign Leech, standing behind the two men, phasers at the ready.

“We will be leaving with your precious Captain, Commander and you're going to let us.” Shalveta looked at him with bright green eyes. His skin, the same red as Nilteva's, was marked with a tattoo that ran from the right side of his face, down his neck, and disappearing under his shirt collar. He narrowed his gaze on Spock, a malicious grin curving his lips.

“Why would we let you take the Captain from the safety of his own ship?” Lt. Giotto glared at the intruders. He was ready to fire as soon as Spock gave the word.

Shalveta turned to look at the taller man, “Because, human, we can make sure that he either lives or dies. You decide but don't take to long, he only has little less than 22 hours left.”

Spock stepped forward to ask what the other meant but was stopped before any sound left his mouth. He watched as the trio were beamed from the cargo bay, directly in front of them. “Captain... _Jim_ , no please.” He reached for the blond man on the floor, desperation and fear coloring his words. He couldn't let them take him, he couldn't lose him again, not after finally realizing...

“Commander, we can track them through their residual trace from the transporter.”

Spock looked up into the eyes of Lt. Sulu, the pain in his chest intensifying with each breath he took. “We must find him immediately. They have infected the Captain with a virus that if left untreated could kill him.” Spock spoke as calmly as possible despite the rage racing along his nerves. Anger and fear mixed in his system, causing him to turn abruptly and walk towards the cargo bay doors. “We must hurry if we are to save him.”

“Commander...Spock...we won't lose him, not again. Khan caught us by surprise but not this time. The Janjirians are denying any responsibility in the attack, saying they had not known we were even on the planet. The real Nilteva had been murdered in his home two days prior to our arrival and the council is offering any help that we may need.” Sulu had to jog in order to keep up with the long strides of the first officer. “If we take them up on their offer we may be able to find Jim sooner.” He almost ran into the other man when he stopped abruptly.

Spock tilted his head, listening to something or someone, he couldn't be sure but it sounded a lot like...

_Spock...help me...please..._

Confusion curved his mouth down in a frown. They had left the cargo bay and were now headed to the transporter room. “Spock to engineering, Mr. Scott come in please.” The voice he heard, Jim wasn't telepathic so why...

_“Scott here Commander, what can I do for you?”_

“Mr. Scott I need the transporter room ready in ten minutes. I am taking a team down to the surface to bring back the Captain.”

 _“Will be ready and waitin' for you Commander.”_ The Scotsman responded.

“Thank you Mr. Scott, Spock out.” He turned to the group standing behind him. “Mr. Sulu, it would not be beneficial for us both to be off the ship at the same time...”

“You're going to need me down there Commander. I know the plant life as well as the local language. Besides, I can't let them take Jim and stay up here to do nothing. We weren't given that choice when Khan attacked us, I have that choice now, we all do.” His gaze encompassed the other four in the turbolift. “We are not letting you go alone this time Commander, Jim would never forgive us if we did.” Sulu, as was most of the ship, was aware of Jim's feelings for his Vulcan first officer, even if he seemed not to notice. He knew that Jim would never forgive himself if anything happened to Spock while he was searching for him.

Spock simply nodded his head, taking in the determined expressions of the four men. “I do not expect you to do anything that I am unwilling to do. Do not put yourself in harms way unless absolutely necessary. The Captain's safety is our top priority. It would seem that all the information we have concerning these people is not fully accurate as well.”

Sulu frowned, “What is it we are missing Commander? We spent two days with them...”

“Yet none of us knew they were a telepathic race. Nor did we know they were capable of creating disruptor weapons.” Spock broke in softly. He wasn't fully focused on the conversation. There was a voice whispering to him, pleading with him to help...to save them. “We must hurry, the Captain is in danger.” He murmured softly.

“We're ready when you are Commander.” Lt. Giotto stated, the other three security officers with him nodded their heads in agreement.

Spock acknowledged the statement with a slight tilt of his head. He was getting ready to give further instructions until the voice of Dr. McCoy broke in.

_“McCoy to Spock...Spock come in...”_

“Yes doctor, how may I assist you?” Spock tried to hide his irritation but from the look Sulu gave him he hadn't succeeded.

_“Spock, when you find Jim you need to make sure that they haven't given him anything else. If so you're going to need some more hypos...”_

Spock bit back a sigh, “Doctor we do not have the time to...”

 _“Well you damn well better_ find _the time! I will not have my best friend die because you didn't want to make sure you had the proper medication!”_

Spock frowned, realizing the doctor was right. “Have the medical kit and instructions sent to the transporter room as soon as possible. I will make sure that the Captain receives the proper medication.” Spock looked over at Sulu, noticing the way the young man was studying the padd in his hand. “Mr Sulu...”

“You're right, there is a part of the planet that we weren't given any information on. It's the same type of terrain but the atmosphere...” Hikaru looked at Spock. “This atmosphere will not be beneficial to Jim's health Commander. It's density is to thin for him to be able to breath.”

Spock paused mid step as they were leaving the turbolift. “We will need to make sure there is a hypo to compensate for this as well.”

“Commander, we have a read on the Captain's current location. I'm gonna try and make sure we get you and the away team as close as possible”

“Thank you Mr. Scott. There will be someone from sickbay bringing a medical case for the Captain, if you will see that it is beamed down as well...”

“I will see that it's done Commander.” Scotty looked up at the taller man.

Spock nodded once at Scotty, glanced at the away team, waiting for them to take their positions. Once everyone was in place, he turned back to Scotty. “Energize Mr. Scott.”

The last thing Spock remembers is the transporter beaming them down to the planet. His thoughts on the one calling to him, the one that he vowed he'd not lose again.


	6. Chapter 6

Once they were back on the planet, Spock looked around. He could feel the difference in the air around them, could hear nothing in the way of animals or humanoid life. “Mr. Sulu...”

“Scanning now Commander, I'm not finding any life signs but that could be due to the interference from the mountains.” Sulu looked down at his tricorder then up at Spock.

“Then we will look for the Captain in the last direction Mr. Scott gave us.” Turning back to the other four men in the group, Spock looked down at his tridcorder then around the area in front of them. “Lt. Giotto, you and Mr. Sulu are with me, we need to find the Captain and his captors immediately.” Turning to the other three officers Spock made sure they understood that they would need to keep in constant contact and that under no circumstances were they to engage anyone unless deemed necessary. During this time the medical kit was beamed down and the group separated shortly after.

“Commander, do you believe we will find the Captain in time?” Giotto looked around them as the sky took on a gray overcast.

“Yes Lt. Giotto, I do. It is simply a matter of making sure we do not lose the Captain's kidnappers.” Spock glanced over at the burly security officer. He could see why Jim made him head of security, the man was solid with a good head on his shoulders. “As long as know where he was last located we have a starting point. What we will need to find out is how they were able to beam on board the Enterprise and kidnap the Captain.” He looked at the other two men with him. Spock knew that time was against them, if they didn't find Jim within 19 hours they could very well lose him. _Spock...please...d-don't leave me here..._ Spock stopped walking and looked around at his surroundings. “We need to head east, towards the forest.” He started in the direction of the trees, following the golden thread in his mind. _Tell me where you are Jim, please, I can not help you if I do not know where you are._ Spock sent the thought back desperately. He did not expect a reply but the bond between them...he hadn't known of its existence until recently, which explained his protectiveness of Jim, his desire to make sure nothing happened to the blond again.

“Commander, over here! We have footprints and broken shrubbery!” Lt. Giotto scanned the area, looking around for the direction the prints headed in. “They seemed to head into the forest but there's only two sets and one set seems to be dragging.”

Spock kneeled down to examine the ground around the area indicated. He could see where the tracks looked uneven by one set of prints and the other seemed to favor more weight on one side. “They are forcing him to walk, even sick and drugged.” Spock glanced up at the sky then looked toward the forest. “Lt. Giotto, call the rest of your team, Mr. Sulu and I are going after the Captain...”

“Commander , I can't let you go alone, the Captain...” Giotto began.

“Is not here Lieutenant and we have been tasked with seeing him returned to his ship by any means necessary. Mr. Sulu and I are quite capable of defending ourselves until you and the rest of your team can follow.” Spock was anxious to follow the footprints. If one of them belonged to Jim...

“Commander, we have company, I'm detecting four life signs to our right and they're moving towards us fast.” Sulu looked up in the direction his tricorder indicated. “None of the life signs match those of the Captain though.”

Spock bit back a sigh of frustration. They could not afford this type of distraction right now. Jim's life hung in the balance and he needed to get to him...to save him one more time. “We will spread out, try and see who we are dealing with before a direct confrontation. We were fooled once by the people of this planet and in turn the Captain was kidnapped.” He looked at the others standing with him, relieved to see the rest of the security team finally show up. “We must move quickly and quietly, we do not wish to alert any one to our presence just yet.”

The others in the group all nodded then separated into three pairs. Spock and Sulu moved in the direction of the group headed towards them. He wanted to see who they were dealing with if not the group from the ship.

“Commander!” Sulu whispered urgently. “The Captain...Jim...I'm getting a faint reading on him and the others.”

“Where, Mr. Sulu.” Spock stopped moving and looked back at the younger man. He could feel his heart beat pick up at the thought of them getting to him before his illness got worse. Impatience slid through him as he waited for an answer. “Mr. Sulu...” His voice sharper than he intended, he let out a soft sigh. “My apologies, Mr. Sulu, I did not...”

“It's fine Commander.” He waved off the apology, understanding the urgency of the situation. “They're ahead of the group coming toward us. We'd have to find a way around these guys or deal with them as fast as possible.” Sulu looked up from his tricorder to scan the horizon for their guests. “If they plan to use Jim for some type of demonstration, they're going to want to keep him alive for as long as possible. Which means they're going to need to keep us busy until they can get to where ever they're going.”

Spock nodded his head. “Contact the others, let them know that we are going to find a way around this group and that the Captain is with the group ahead. Make sure they are aware not to engage anyone unless I have given the order to do so.”

“Aye, Commander.” Sulu sent the messages off, then followed Spock down the slop in front of them.

_“Spock...w-where are you...d-don't leave me...”_

“Jim...I am coming for you...” Spock whispered. His gaze narrowed as the first of the group appeared in a clearing in front of them. He motioned to Sulu to keep in the shadows as they moved forward. He wanted to avoid any type of unwanted attention until they were close enough to the others ahead of them. He ignored the urge to walk over and slam his fist in the face of everyone who stood in the way of him getting to Jim.

“Commander, they've stopped. Looks like there's a building up ahead. It doesn't fit any of the descriptions we were given and it doesn't seem to have the same architecture as the rest of the buildings we saw earlier.”

Spock nodded, moving as silently as before. He looked to his right to see if they had been spotted yet. When he was sure they weren't being followed, he turned back in the direction Sulu had indicated. He could see the small dwelling not to far ahead of them. A hot rush of anger flooded his system as he thought about Jim and his kidnappers. He still couldn't understand what the were demonstrating against. The planet joining the federation or the Enterprise and their captain in general? They didn't seem to hold a grudge, if the conversation between Shalveta and Narris could be believed. They seemed intrigued by the blond, which brought a scowl to Spock's usually stoic face. He remembered what had been said about someone named Thelios. _Thelios...wants him for himself._ Spock bit back a growl, Jim belonged to him. After everything they'd gone through and him finally realizing that he had feelings for his friend, he was unwilling to let Jim go without a fight.

“Commander, there they are.” Sulu whispered from his left.

Spock turned to see a flash of blond followed by dark orange. “We must move quickly Lieutenant, time is of the utmost priority at the moment.” Spock moved down the slope as quickly and quietly as possible. He knew Sulu would follow without question. When they finally reached a point to rest, they noticed a smaller building further back in the trees. “Have you heard from the security team, Mr. Sulu?” Spock whispered. He was trying to come up with a way to get to the larger of the two buildings when he noticed a red shirt in one of the windows.

“I haven't been able to reach anyone since we started down the slope. I've been trying all morning though but still no luck.” Sulu crawled over to where Spock was and noticed the red shirt as well. “That could be why. D-do you think it's Giotto?”

“It's not me or Jenkins, we just got here.”

Both Spock and Sulu whipped around, phasers at the ready. “Jesus Giotto give us a little more warning next time would you? You almost got your ass blown off!” Sulu hissed angrily.

“Indeed Lieutenant, it would have been most unfortunate to have harmed you at this point and time.” Turning back to the window behind him, Spock asked softly. “The red shirt, it would belong to either Jameson or Matthews?”

“Yes Commander.” Giotto answered softly.

“I will make sure that if they are not found they are remembered. The Captain will wish to do the same.” Spock was aware that the crew of the Enterprise would want to remember their friends. Especially after everything they've gone through, it was a small comfort in such a vast space of cold emptiness. “For now, let us see if we can at least find the Captain...” Spock drifted off, as a shiver of fear raced down his spine.

_“Spock...d-don't let them...please...please...”_

Spock held back a gasp as a sharp pain shot across his back then moved down. “W-we must hurry.” He tried to hide the pain from his voice but it was difficult. He hadn't been expecting it so wasn't prepared for it. He tried to build up his shields as quickly as possible, he would need to be prepared in the event that it happened again.

“You ok Commander?” Sulu looked at the silent man in concern.

Nodding his head, Spock glanced over at the man studying him. “I am fine Mr. Sulu.” He stood up from where they were crouched down and slowly made his way to the building closest to them. He could feel the pain Jim was going through, despite his shields, he could feel the burn of the blade as it slide across Jim's torso and the feel of the whip as it struck Jim across his back. “We must keep moving if we are to reach the Captain in time.”

The group moved as silently as possible, making sure to keep aware of their surroundings. When Giotto pulled on the handle of the door leading into the building, it opened easily. They used as little light as possible to look around at their surroundings. There was a door on the other side of the room and Giotto motioned to it. Spock followed behind him as he tried to focus on the thread in his mind. He could see it, hear Jim as he struggled to get out of his drug induced fog. He could feel the pain and fear that raced along his nerves, making him feel as if it were him being tortured. When they reached the door, Giotto tried the handle with no luck. “We need to find a way to get the door open or...” He stopped talking as he watched Spock reach forward, twisted the handle then pulled the door open. “O-or we can let you open it Commander.”

Spock stared at the door handle in his hand. Something was wrong, he could feel it. His body temperature had risen since their arrival on the planet but that was to be expected being in a different climate. This was something else, something more...primal. There was a feeling of intense possessiveness flooding his system. Then rage as he heard the sounds of a struggle and someone cry out in pain. He knew it was Jim, could feel what had been done to him and took off down the corridor. He ignored the voices that called out to him to wait, to use caution. All he could hear was the cry of pain that left Jim's lips and the voice that begged him to make it all stop.


	7. Chapter 7

It was hot, hotter than summers on Vulcan. He could feel his blood pounding in his veins, racing through his system as he slowly tried to sit up. The air felt thick around him, as he tried to get his lungs to draw in more than small gasps of air. He knew these symptoms and what could happen, it was to soon, he hadn't been able to tell him...warn him first, before...

“Commander, can you hear me, are you ok?” Sulu's voice was filled with concern and trepidation.

Spock let out a low growl, it was not the right voice. Only one voice offered the soothing coolness he craved and that was not his. “Step back, Mr. Sulu.” Spock moved as far away from the group as possible, rage and humiliation burning through him. What had they given him to start this so early? Who would have known about it? Shaking his head, Spock tried to focus on the situation at hand. He needed to keep himself as focused as possible. “The Captain...w-where is he?”

“They moved him to a different room, along with Sanchez and Wagner.” Sulu spoke softly. He kept an eye on the door as well as Spock. He gave Giotto a glance, then turned back to the man sitting on the floor. “Commander, are you sure there's nothing we can do to help?”

Spock shook his head, “W-what did they give me?” His fingers curled into tight fists. He could feel the heat building, burning him from the inside out. He could hear him in his head, the desperation he felt, multiplied by his fear for his crew members. He clenched his jaw tight as he struggled with the onslaught of emotions. “H-how long have I been unconscious?”

Sulu glanced over at the small window in the cell. “I'm not sure what they injected us with, but we've all been in and out for about four days.” He moved closer to the door, listening to the voices down the hall. “As far as I can tell, this group plans to use Jim as an example. They don't want to kill him, they want to break him. To show that they can't be forced to bend to the Federation's will.”

Spock frowned, “They invited us to their planet, they specifically asked for the Enterprise and Captain Kirk.” Spock tried to sort through the information they had on the planet. He remembered the message had been sent directly from Starfleet command, requesting Jim and the Enterprise be the go between for both parties. “It is illogical to apose something that has not even been agreed upon.” Spock tried to control his breathing. What ever they had injected them with, started something like pon farr. He didn't feel the mindless rage, he only felt the burning of his blood, a desire for a well muscled, tan body, that he knew...Spock stopped the thoughts. He needed to keep his focus for as long as he could, he needed to make sure they could figure a way out of this before anyone else was injured or worse.

“Commander, you don't look to good.” Giotto said, a frown marring his usually stoic features.

“The injection...what ever they gave us, it does not...it is not agreeable to my system.” Spock gasped. His blood moved in his veins like lava. He needed to touch him, to feel him pressed against him. Only he could cool the fire...

“Commander!”

Spock jerked at the sound of the voice. Turning his hazy gaze towards Sulu, he took a deep breath and paused, he could smell him. Standing up, Spock slowly moved to the door. “Mr Sulu...”

“They're bringing Jim back and moving us, I think. They said there was a spike in his adrenaline or endorphins? I-I'm not sure, I didn't understand it all.” Sulu looked at Spock, “Hopefully they haven't given him anything else. Whatever _was_ in his system seems to be gone.”

Spock nodded, he listened as he heard the sound of Jim's voice. The anger that tinged his words as he seemed to be in an argument with his captors.

“No, damnit! You can't just kill them for no reason! Let me go, those are my people back there!” Jim yelled at the two burly men dragging him down the hall.

“We are taking you to the rest of your people, one of which you hold in very high regard.”

Jim jerked in surprise, they said they had killed him. That he, Sulu, and Giotto were dead. If that were the case why did he still hear his voice in his head? He glared at the two men dragging him. Digging in his feet, Jim tried to pull back from the two men. “I said, _let me go_!” Jim pulled his arms free, turned around and raced back down the hallway. He wouldn't lose anymore crew members to the sadistic whims of these people. _Peace loving planet my ass_ , Jim thought scathingly. _Wait 'til I talk to Chris, this shit is going down as one of the biggest cluster fucks, ever!_ Jim reached the door where Sanchez and Warner were still being held. He pressed the button to unlock it but before it could slide completely open, Jim was seized roughly around the waist. “No, for _fucks_ _sake_ , those are my people in there! Put me down!” Jim fought back wildly. If what they said was true, if Spock really was...

Tears of anger and frustration started to cloud his vision. He tried to escape when he heard the sound of another door being opened. It wasn't until he heard Sulu's voice did he stop struggling. “Sulu?” He let out a gasp as he was thrown to the floor, slamming the door closed behind him.

“Jim! Thank god, we thought something had happened to you!” Sulu looked from Jim to the two men standing behind him. Sulu moved towards Jim quickly as they shut the door. Whispering in a rush, “Look, Jim, we don't have much time. Whatever they injected us with is affecting Spock and not in a good way...” Sulu watched as Jim's gaze raced around the room, until it finally landed on the silent man standing by the far wall.

Jim watched Spock as he slowly stood up. “T-they told me you were dead...”

“They told you a lie, Captain.” Spock broke in immediately. He could see the stress on Jim's face ease, felt him give a mental sigh of relief.

Sulu grasped Jim by his arm, stopping his attempt to move towards Spock. “Jim, wait...”

Spock let out a low growl, his eyes narrowing at Sulu's action. He could feel the heat burning hotter now that Jim was within arm's reach.

“Spock?” Jim shivered as he looked at his first officer and best friend. He'd never heard that sound from him before, wondered what could have made him sound like that.

Sulu paused, his hand tensing around Jim's bicep. “Jim, wait. You don't know what they've done to Spock. What ever knocked us out is doing something to his system, messing with his mind.”

Jim looked back at Sulu, confusion on his face. “What do you mean? He seems like he's ok. If not a little irritated.”

“That's the _second_ time we've heard that sound...sir.” Giotto interrupted, as he stepped up behind Sulu. His tone was low but his eyes were on Spock as well.

“It is a _biological_ response. The injection...forced something that my people do not like to talk about.” Spock spoke softly, his words short and clipped. He kept his gaze on Jim. “It is not something we find...easy...to discuss..”

Jim pulled away from Sulu, shaking his hand off as gently as possible, “Well, discuss it with me because you look like hell. What's going on Spock?” Jim moved slowly towards the man standing in the shadows. He narrowed his gaze, trying to see his friend better. He was happy to see everyone still alive, especially Spock, but now he needed to focus. “Spock, talk to me, I can't help if I don't know what's happening.” Jim froze at the soft growl and watched as Spock moved back along the wall. “Spock, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Jim, we have company.” Sulu looked between the two senior officers, then back to the door. “They're coming for Spock.” His voice held a note of surprised anger. He looked at Spock and frowned, from what he could see, he was in no shape to deal with their jailers. Not if the broken arm and collar bone of one of Jim's kidnappers was anything to go by. “Jim, we can't let them touch Spock. He almost killed one of them when we got here.”

“He's not capable of that, Sulu. It goes against a Vulcan's nature & teachings.” Jim kept his gaze on Spock, something was wrong and he needed to find out how to fix it. “Tell me what I need to do, Spock. What ever is going on, let me help you.”

“You...can not...Captain...Jim, please. Stay where you are.” Spock moved back from Jim, fighting the voice inside him that demanded he claim him. He wasn't feeling the full effects of pon farr but something was happening. Something close enough that the situation was dangerous for everyone in the room. “You can not...” Spock stopped as the door opened and the guards reappeared. He looked at the two silent men, both were pale, their skin almost ice white and their hair was a ruby red. The same color as the skin of the Janjirian's who had kidnapped Jim. The only shared trait seemed to be their eyes, dark golden eyes that held no warmth or welcome in them.

“We demand the Vulcan. He will come with us or we will take him by force.” The shorter, more muscular of the two stepped forward as he spoke. He wore a soft red shendyt, belted at the waist, and a sleeveless gray tunic. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail with a dark leather strap and two gold bands wrapped around his upper arms. He frowned when Spock didn't move, simply stood there and glared at him. “We are not as weak as the one before, Vulcan. Come with us quietly or he will suffer.” He searched Spock's face, then nodded once to the still silent man behind him.

“W-what do you want with him?” Jim asked. He moved in front of the silent Vulcan, wondering what he meant by _the one from earlier_.

“Step out of the way Captain or I will move you.” The taller of the two looked at Jim, a leer curving his lips. “And you know how much I _enjoy_ making you do things.”

Jim paled, and stepped back. He knew what this man was capable of, remembered the things he'd done to him and to Sanchez. It wasn't until he heard a soft rumbling did he realize he'd backed up into Spock.

“You will not touch him.” Spock said angrily. He could feel his rage sparking at what the guard was implying. “I will not be leaving with you and you can not have him.” Spock stepped in front of Jim, his body tensing as he prepared for a fight.

“Wonderful, Malvo, look at him. He is simply magnificent.” The shorter of the two grinned as he watched how Spock stood in front of Jim. “This is the one he showed us, Malvo.”

“Are you sure? The man we saw was more passive, Lorne. This one looks almost...feral.” Malvo said scathingly. “Possessive of the Captain, almost.

Jim looked between them, he knew they'd been able to read his mind. He hadn't been able to stop it and they'd gone searching for his weaknesses, finding out Spock was one had been a bonus for them. He'd tried to hide it but in his drugged up state he hadn't been able to find a way to block the information.

“Forced mental intrusion is not allowed by Federation regulations. If you did invade the Captain's mind, it is a violation of his mental privacy.” Spock ground out. “You could have caused permanent damage or worse, without the aid of a healer or implant.” He watched as Malvo kept his eyes on Jim while Lorne turned to Sulu and Giotto.

“Ahh, we haven't forgotten about you two gentlemen. Please, join the party will you?” He moved towards the other two, grinning when Jim shouted at him to leave them alone.

“No! No, just, please, don't! I'll go back, ok? Just...” He looked at Sulu and Giotto, he wouldn't lose his friends because he allowed them to be tortured. Placing a hand on Spock's tense back, Jim stepped forward. He froze at the low, dark growl from him. Turning to look at the man beside him, he blinked, he didn't recognize the dark gaze that stared back at him. The look in his eyes was a mix of angry possessiveness and jealous rage. He'd seen both those looks on different occasions but never at the same time. “Spock, what is it?”

“You will not leave with them, _they can not have you_.” Spock's voice came out dark, low, and filled with possessive anger. He watched Malvo as he slowly walked towards them. His gaze tracking the pale man. “He belongs to me.” Spock snapped angrily.

“He belongs to no one! I can have him if I wish. As a matter of fact, I already have, _Vulcan_.” Malvo could see the taunts were hitting their mark. Could see the rage building in the usually stoic Vulcan and decided to push the issue. “He is free to choose whom ever he wishes and I have simply made sure that he will choose me.”

“I never chose you! You...I w-was kidnapped and forced...you never...” Jim stammered.

“I will be his choice in the end so he will belong to me. I have already proven to be better than you, Son of Sarek.” Malvo glared at Spock with haughty disdain.

“ _He is mine_. _You, nor any one else can have him. I will kill you first before I let you take him from me._ ” Spock snarled. He shook Jim's hand off his back and stepped toward Malvo. “You have forced him into unwilling compliance, both mentally and physically. Your claim to him is invalid, I have already claimed him as mine”

“Spock, no!” Jim saw the needle before Spock and grabbed him before it was to late. He pulled Spock backwards, throwing himself in front of him. Jim hissed in anger and pain as the needle sank into the fleshy part of his upper arm.

“Jim!” Sulu yelled. He started forward but was stopped by Lorne and a sharp blade pointed at his throat. Giotto grabbed his arm, pulling him back behind him.

“Ah, no, no, no my friends, you two are still coming with me.” Lorne motioned them both towards the door. Sulu hesitated, unsure if he should leave or try and fight his way over to Jim and Spock. He was surprised to see Spock move forward, grabbing Malvo by the arm and twisting it viciously.

“ _I said you are not to touch him!_ ” Spock twisted Malvo's arm as high as it would go. Not letting go until he heard bones popping. “Now tell me, what did you give him!” Rage colored his words as he tried to contain the violence rolling through his system. “Answer me or I will kill you, if for no other reason than for touching that which belongs to _me_.” Spock snarled at the man in front of him, he reached up and wrapped a hand around Malvo's throat.

“It was a sedative meant for you, not him!” Malvo gasped as he tried to wrench his broken arm away from Spock. He looked at the face of the man in front of him, taking in the angry jade flush and the wide dilated eyes. He tried to take a deep breath but found the attempt aborted by the hand closing around his windpipe. “He'll wake in another four hours.” Malvo spat angrily.

“Release him or I will kill your friends, Commander, starting with your favorite.” Lorne said in a soft, calm voice.

Spock let Malvo go slowly, his gaze on the gleaming blade inches from Jim's throat. He stepped back from Malvo, his dark, angry gaze settling on Lorne and Jim. “Release him.” Spock's tone brooked no argument.

“Spock...don't...” Jim gasped weakly. “I-it's ok, t-the crew. You have to think a-about the crew.” Jim could feel his eyes beginning to close as he struggled to focus his gaze on the flushed face in front of him. “Spock, you h-have to...”

Spock moved before anyone could blink, he reached for the hand holding the blade across Jim's throat, snapping the wrist until Jim was released and stumbled towards him. He reached out to hold him up, making sure he had him securely before looking at Sulu and Giotto. “Find Sanchez and Wagner, then find a way out. We need to move as quickly as poss...” Spock broke off as Jim muttered something against his shoulder. “Take the Captain with you, Mr. Giotto, I will join you shortly.” He handed Jim over to Giotto, giving him one last look before turning back to Lorne and Malvo.

“Commander?” Sulu looked at the flushed first officer. He wasn't sure he should leave him in his current condition. “A-are you sure that's...” _Wise_ is what Sulu wanted to ask but kept silent in case it set the already volatile Vulcan off.

“You can not have him as you want, Vulcan. The deed has been done, he is tainted.” Malvo laughed hoarsely. “Your race is not one to take that which is damaged. He is damaged, as soon as you leave here the chip in his brain will erase his memory.”

“You are lying.” Spock's gaze narrowed dangerously on Malvo.

Malvo laughed harder, cradling his broken arm against his chest. “You think we didn't know you would come? That we would not make sure we had what we needed first? He is a starship _Captain_ and you, his first officer...his friend...the desire of his heart...you would come for him but we will make sure you never have him!”

Spock paused as he looked at Malvo. “Mr. Giotto, take the Captain and find the others.”

“Commander, with all due respect...” Giotto started.

“You are head of security, Mr. Giotto. Entrusted with the Captain's safety, which is of utmost importance. That means, he must be returned safely to the ship and that is your job. Please, retrieve the others and return to the ship.” Spock spoke in a soft voice, the hint of rage not going unnoticed by the security chief.

Giotto looked from Spock to Sulu then the other two men in front of them. “Yes, Commander.” He adjusted his hold on Jim, picking him up and hoisting him over his shoulder. He gave Sulu one last, lingering glance then walked out to find the rest of their team.

Spock looked at Lorne and Malvo, he knew just from touch that Malvo had hurt Jim, raped him while he was unconscious and while he was awake. He could feel the residual fear and anger from the bond. The shame and rage Jim had felt as he had come to with...Malvo...above him. “You would dare touch him.” Spock whispered. “Your species, which is telepathic, would know of the consequences of harming ones mate...especially a bonded mate. You both would know of the promises issued of harming a _Vulcan's_ bond mate as well. Jim knows of this, if you read his thoughts, knew everything he knew, you would never have touched him.” Spock snarled. He could feel the phantom hands on Jim, the curiosity and eagerness. He could hear Jim's thoughts as he had struggled against them, fighting to keep them from achieving their goal.

Lorne gave him a malicious grin. “There is nothing you can do, Son of Sarek. We know that your people value peace and logic above...”

“Until they need not be, what did you do to Jim?” Sulu broke in harshly, he had had enough of their taunting Spock. He could see it was only fueling his rage. “Why Jim? If you wanted to kill him you had plenty of opportunity. Why kidnap Jim, of all people?”

Malvo glared at Sulu, “You met with the other faction first. We are the ones who requested an audience with the Federation. You never bothered to check to see if you were talking to the right people!”

Sulu frowned, “We requested information and received almost nothing back. You can't blame us for going on what we were given. Why didn't Nilteva tell us? We could have corrected things sooner, made sure we were talking to the right group?”

“Would you have believed us! Would you have listened to a small group that wants change for their people!” Malvo shouted, voice scratchy.

“You tried to kill the Captain, why should we believe you now.” Spock's dark gaze moved from one man to the other. The animal gleam in them intensified as he took in the nervous energy now surrounding the men. “You knew _I_ would come for him, specifically, yet you harmed him, knowing I could feel it, could hear what was being said and done.” His dark, malevolent gaze narrowed on Malvo.

Malvo grinned maliciously, “We found it entertaining that a _Vulcan_ , a race that prides themselves on purity and logic, would crave a human. His mind is most dynamic, it feeds you with an energy that makes one wonder. I wanted to know for myself why he craved you so badly and you've never touched him. He dreamed of you and yet you keep your distance?” Malvo looked at Spock, a leering grin curved his lips at his look of surprise. “One who can read his thoughts and you never knew! You never thought this human would crave you as you do him!” Malvo laughed maliciously. “If it's any comfort, Vulcan, he cried out your name each and every time. All I would do is touch him and he'd moan for you. Take him by force and it was you he would beg for, pleading with me not to. He would do anything I said as long as you didn't know. He begged so prett...” His words were cut off as a pair of hands wrapped around his throat, followed by a harsh growling. Malvo tried to move away from the enraged man in front of him. The usually chocolate brown eyes were now round black orbs of rage and pain. He tried to use his good arm to push Spock away from him but realized that without the use of both arms it was futile. “Y-you...will n-never...have him...” Malvo gasped. He could feel his throat closing, his gaze still on Spock. He knew Spock could read his thoughts from the touch, knew that he could see everything that was done to his beloved captain and grinned. “Y-you may kill me, Son of Sarek, but he...” The words were stopped abruptly as the room was filled with a loud pop, then an eerie silence followed.

Sulu let out a harsh breath, he was surprised to see this side of Spock, but he also understood the desire to make them feel the pain they had caused Jim. “Commander, we should take the other with us, Jim is eventually going to want to talk to him.”

“You can not remove me from my planet, not without my...” Lorne backed away from Sulu and Spock.

“Yet, _you_ would kidnap a Federation _Captain_. Who, by the way, is known through out the entire galaxy. You want to tell us _why_ , we can't take you, especially after what you and your friends have done to Jim? How do we know if what you say is true about the chip? How can we be sure...” Sulu glared at Lorne.

Spock dropped Malvo's lifeless body at his feet and turned to Lorne. “What he says is true.” Spock answered Sulu's question. “You have violated a Federation officer, not only physically but mentally. You will be taken before a Federation Court for your crimes.” Spock hissed angrily. He was shaking, trying to control the blood lust running through his veins. He wanted to reach out and snap Lorne's neck as he had Malvo's. “Then, I will see that you are tried in the Vulcan High Court for committing a crime against a member of the High Chancellor's family. “

Lorne scoffed in derision, “You do not have that type of connec...”

“T'Pau is my grandmother.” Spock snapped. He had had enough of talking to Lorne. He needed to be with Jim, to make sure he was ok. “You will come with us quietly or I will make sure you will do so.” He stepped towards Lorne, who simply nodded as he followed Sulu, who turned and walked out the door.

Trying to control the raging blood lust in his system, Spock took two deep breaths then followed the other two. They needed to get Jim back to the ship as soon as possible. He looked down at the body of Malvo as he walked past him. He ignored the momentary pang of remorse at the others death but Jim's life meant more to him. He would protect him no matter the cost to him or anyone who harmed him.

“Commander, Sanchez and Wagner are dead.” Giotto stated as they moved quickly down the hallway. “Doesn't look like anyone will be coming down here for a while either. They have a schedule of the times for when they visited the captain.” He handed Spock a notebook, a frown on his face. He shifted Jim on his shoulder and turned back down the hallway. “The way out is down this hallway and to the right, as long as we don't trip any alarms we should be ok.” He glanced back at Lorne. “We should be able to reach the Enterprise once outside.”

Spock nodded, his dark gaze on Jim. He wanted to take him from Giotto, to make sure that he was really there and not a figment of his imagination. He noticed Lorne had a pair of cuffs on his wrists and glanced over at Sulu.

“Thought it easier to deal with him this way. He doesn't seem inclined to do anything stupid.” He glanced at Lorne. “As long as that wrist's broke, he'll do right or I'll make sure it doesn't heal.” Sulu glared at the short, pale man.

“You have not yet left the building, I will be noticed in my absence. You can't really think...”

“We do not care what you think. I want to know about the chip you put in Jim's head.” Spock said softly. The all consuming heat that had gripped him before was now a low burning fire in his veins. He turned to Lorne, “Answer me!” His tone was sharp, still filled with anger. “I wish to know what you meant by his memory will be erased once removed from here.”

“T-the chip keeps anyone from leaving that we don't want to leave. If they do, it blocks out the memories of their time by sending a small shock through the cerebral cortex.” Lorne explained.

“You could simply do that with a mental block, yet you force yourself on them mentally. Why the use of the chip? What purpose does it serve?” Spock wanted to know how much brain damage Jim might suffer. He knew of his friends love of space, that he would never be happy any where else.

“They are warned that if anyone tries to help them recover their memory it will kill them.”

“How.” Spock demanded angrily. He would _not_ lose him again! Not to a race that felt they had the right to do as they pleased with everyone they met. Especially those that did not conform to their ideals.

“If the subject is led to remembering, a toxin is released into the brain. Killing the subject within moments.”

Spock snarled in anger. “If he dies, I will _kill you myself_. There is no where you can go and no one who will be able to protect you from me.” They had finally reached the outer doors but Spock hesitated. He couldn't risk Jim's safety by trying to force him to remember but he also didn't want him to forget what had happened. Even if it would be for the best, it was not how Jim Kirk worked. He fed off of the negative energy, turning it into positive energy. It was how he'd made it through life. He'd learned to channel the negative into good and this...this could hurt him more than help.

“Commander, should we risk...” Sulu paused before he opened the doors. He glanced over at a still unconscious Jim. “If what he is telling us is true, we risk permanent brain damage or memory loss for Jim.”

Spock wanted to take the chip out but knew they didn't have the time or qualified personnel. “We will take the Captain back to the ship and see what Dr. McCoy can do.”

“He will get him killed as well.” Lorne laughed cruelly. “You require the proper access codes do deactivate the poison, or it will still be injected before you can remove it. Either way you have only one choice, wait for him to regain his memories on his own. Then you can help him if you wish, you can tell him your part in kill...”

His words were cut off abruptly by the harsh growl from Spock.

“Then we will wait.” Spock decided with finality. He's waited this long for Jim, he could wait a little longer. He would not endanger the life of the most important person to him. “We must leave, Mr Sulu.” He looked at both me. “Until the Captain has regained his memory we will not speak of this.” He glanced at Lorne. “And he will be kept as far from the Captain as possible.” When both men nodded, Spock turned to Giotto, “Let me take the Captain, Mr. Giotto.” He wasn't surprised when the other man didn't argue. “Mr. Sulu contact the ship, inform them we will be at the beam out point in twenty minutes.” He carried Jim in a bridal carry and as close to his heart as possible. He would wait for Jim to regain his memory, just as he would wait to tell him about the bond. In the end it was all that he could do, Spock thought angrily.

Once they finally reached the rendezvous point, Spock shifted Jim closer. He turned to glance at Lorne, as he stood between a silent and angry Sulu and Giotto. “Spock to Enterprise.”

 _“Enterprise here, Spock, damnit man! We've been trying to reach you for days! Just where the hell have you been?! Did you find Jim? Is he alright?!”_ McCoy's tense and angry voice answered Spock.

“Doctor, I will explain once we are back aboard the ship. Right now, the Captain requires medical attention.”

 _“Beaming ya' directly to sick bay, Commander. Good to finally hear ya' voice.”_ Scotty answered.

“Thank you, Mr. Scott. Three to beam to sick bay and two directly to the brig. We will need a full security detail as well. Mr. Giotto will fill them in once we are on board.” Spock tightened his arms around Jim. He could hear the silent buzzing in his head, the confusion about what was going on. He tried to sense the memories of what happened, to see if what Lorne said was true. When he didn't see them, he pulled back from Jim's mind, a low growl vibrating through out his chest. His only choice now was to wait and see how things went, once Jim finally woke up.


	8. Chapter 8

“Wait a fucking minute, are you telling me, that one of the people that attacked me, is on my _own damn ship_!” Jim jumped up from his seat and marched over to where Spock was standing, after having entered the room after meditating. When he remained silent, Jim clenched his fists to keep from reaching out and shaking him. “Mr. Spock, I demand an answer, _now_!” Jim's tone was sharp and stinging as he made the question an order. He knew that despite everything, Spock would not lie to him, unless it was required.

Spock looked up at Jim and took a deep breath. He knew what would happen if he told Jim that Lorne was still on board the ship. “Jim...”

“Spock, damnit, is this asshole here or not!” Jim hissed, his patience was gone. After listening to the story Sulu and Spock told him and his memory filtering in real memories from fake, Jim was beyond irritated. He looked at Spock, watched as the others eyes dilated and his breathing changed. Jim stepped back from him, confusion warring with need. It was always like this with him and now...now these people had exposed him. Laid him bare before the other to see, leaving him open for Spock's rejection and ridicule.

Spock jerked, “He is in the brig, Captain. Under maximum secu..”

“I want to see him...” Jim cut him off immediately.

“No, you damn well can not!” McCoy shouted angrily. “Do you have any idea what could happen to you if you see him? You just got your memory back Jim and thankfully you're alive.” McCoy scanned him with a tricorder. “From what the scans tell me, you're fine.” He looked at Spock then Sulu. “How is it I haven't seen this chip in any of the scans?”

Sulu let out a heavy sigh but Spock gave the answer. “It looks like it is part of the brain. A transparent shell keeps it from being detected by scans.”

“Now how the hell do you know that and...” McCoy looked at Jim then turned to Scotty.

“He touched one of them.” Jim stated softly. “He was forced to touch one of them a-after they tried to...”

“They are not as helpless as they would have us believe.” Spock broke in softly. He turned his gaze back to the floor, he could feel Jim's anger at not being told sooner. “They have an understanding of technology that we do not yet posses.”

Jim looked at Spock then Sulu, “Why didn't you just tell me? We could have figured something out.”

“Did you forget, Jim, if either of us _tried_ to tell you, the chip would have killed you. Lorne made sure to stress that little fact over and over.” Sulu said. His voice held a note of anger as he continued. “He made sure that he told us every chance he got. Do you know how hard it's been, walking around here seeing you struggle with your memory? Knowing that I can help but if I do, you could die because of it? Imagine what it's like to look at your friend and see the hell they're going through.” Sulu let out a rough sigh. “It wasn't easy, Jim, trust me. There were days when I'd look at you and think that if I gave a hint would it help or would it hurt?”

Jim took a deep breath, he knew he couldn't be angry with Spock or Sulu. They were trying to save the life of their Captain...their friend. He instead thought about how he should react around Spock now. What if he didn't feel the same way? What if he was disgusted by Jim's feelings for him? What if...

“The answer would be I do, Jim and I am not. You do not need to ask anything else, Ashayam.” Spock spoke softly, making sure that Jim understood him.

Shaking his head, McCoy looked over at Scotty with a raised eyebrow, then turned towards the trio standing near the wall. “Ok, now let me get this straight. These...Janjirians...thought we wanted to enslave them and instead of telling us who they were, they kidnap, rape, and damn near give Jim brain damage, all because we didn't know we were meeting with the _wrong group of people_?” When Sulu nodded, McCoy continued. “And...one of them took a fancy to Jimbo and while knocked out...again...he took advantage of him. Then challenged Spock, _of all people_ , for rights to Jim?”

Jim's gaze snapped to McCoy. “Why did you say, _of all people_ , like that? Like Spock wouldn't like me for anything more than just a friend. Why are you so har...”

McCoy held up his hands in defense. “Whoa, hold on now, Jimbo. You're my best friend, ok? I would never say anything that would hurt your feelings and you know that. I wasn't trying to be mean, I just meant, anyone looking at you two should know that was a stupid thing to do.” McCoy shrugged helplessly as he stood watching Jim.

Jim sighed, his shoulders dropping a little. “Yeah, ok, I-I'm sorry Bones. Just...this is a lot to take in right now.” Jim glanced over at Spock, who still stood silently against the wall. His dark head was still bowed but his shoulders were tense. There was something else wrong, something that he wasn't being told. “What else is it Spock? There's something you're not telling me. I can feel it, its almost as if a string was pulling on it but it won't come out of the dark.”

Sulu looked between the two, he knew Jim would need to be told the rest but decided that they should leave Spock and Jim to handle it on their own. This part of the story he didn't understand and was sure he wouldn't this time either. “Ok, so before you two start talking, maybe we should go?” He looked over at Scotty and McCoy. “We need to give them some privacy...”

“The hell I am, as Chief Medical Officer I have every right to know what's going on and especially with the Captain. If there is...”

“Len, Jimmy's with Spock and both are on the ship, what's the worse that could happen?” Scotty chuckled at the belligerent look on McCoy's face. “They can figure this out on their own and Jimmy will come tell you once done. Stop worrying, for once.” Scotty grinned over at Jim and nodded at the relieved smile he received in return.

McCoy looked between Jim and Spock, he could see something there, something that seemed to work for them both. Sighing, McCoy looked at Scotty, “Well, come on then. Let's go eat and find something to do while we wait on these two to figure out what the rest of us already know.” He laughed at the look Jim gave him. Shaking his head, he walked over to Jim and started to give him an affectionate hug...until a low growl echoed through out the room. He stepped back from Jim, arm still raised. Looking over at Spock, he frowned. “Spock, you ok there?”

“Len, back up slowly.” Sulu said softly.

“What the hell for? Jim's my best friend and if I want to give him a hug I damn well will!” Turning to Spock, McCoy glared at him. “Do ya' hear me, ya' green blooded hobgoblin? If I want to hug my best friend I will, no matter how you feel about it.”

“Bones, I love you but you need to get out.” Jim's anger could be heard in his words. He couldn't understand where this surge of possessive anger came from just that he was feeling it and it was directed towards McCoy and him moving closer to Jim. “Right now.”

“Len, back away, please.” Sulu said urgently. Something in his tone must have finally gotten through to the brunette doctor because he stepped back from Jim and glanced at Sulu. “What is it Sulu?”

Sulu sighed, “That's the same reaction from the planet. Anyone who got to close to Jim had to deal with Spock. They separated them but not before Spock had given one of them a few broken bones to remember us by.”

McCoy frowned, then turned his head to watch Jim, who was slowly moving closer to the silent Vulcan. “Well, then let's go and leave them to whatever it is they need to talk about or do.” He glanced over at Scotty then Sulu. “We can all get something to eat then find something to do. Why don't you have Pavel meet us in the mess, Hikaru? Make it a group thing.”

“Sure, I don't think he's busy right now.” Sulu flushed at the telling statement but said nothing else.

“Jimmy, I'll see you both later?” Scotty asked as he passed him. He glanced over at Spock, who was now watching them with dark, fathomless eyes.

“Yeah, uh, we'll see you either at mess or next shift.” Jim kept his gaze on Spock, until McCoy said he was leaving. Turning his head, Jim frowned. “Bones?”

McCoy paused at the door, Scotty and Sulu waiting for him in the corridor. “Yeah, Jimbo?”

“You're, uh, I-I'm sorry. I don't...I'm not sure what's going on but we'll talk...”

McCoy shook his head and waved his hand. He gave Jim a soft smile, “We'll talk once you figure this out.” He glanced up at Spock, not missing the way his gaze watched Jim. “Make sure you let me know though, you're my best friend and I'd like to see you get better.”

Jim nodded, “We'll, uh, we'll go down to the brig later and speak to our...guest...about their stay so far.”

All three nodded and waved as they left Spock's quarters. Jim turned back to the man in front of him, a frown turning his lips down. “Now, everyone's gone. Tell me why are we able to hear each other in our heads and if I know Vulcan, is it from a meld with you or with Selek?”

Spock's dark gaze narrowed. “Do you wish it to be from Selek? Would it make things more...agreeable?” He tried to control the surge of jealousy but found he couldn't. His controls were not where they should have been and now, in front of Jim he was slowly unraveling again. He didn't hate his counterpart, per se, he just felt that he had to compete for Jim's affections with himself and it was both enlightening and disheartening at the same time.

Jim blinked at the tone, surprise on his face. “W-what do you mean? Why would I want it to be Selek?” Jim studied Spock closer, his blue gaze trying to find something...anything...that would give him an answer to Spock's mood. Then he felt it...jealousyfearanger. Spock was feeling all three and it was _for_ Jim. “Spock?”

“What they said on the planet...my...affections...for you have compromised me. I am...” Spock paused as he searched for the words to tell Jim how he felt. His gaze returning to the floor.

“You know how I feel.” Jim flushed, the heat moving from his face down to his neck and lower. “You saw for yourself when you touched Malvo how I felt. T-the images he showed you, about us, I know you saw them.” Jim moved closer to stand in front of Spock. “Spock, would you please look at me?” Desperation colored his words. If Spock didn't feel the same he needed to know before...

“I did not know you held the same affection for me as I do for you.” Spock spoke softly, his dark gaze slowly lifting to meet Jim's blue one. “Ashayam...” Spock clenched his jaw shut. He couldn't give in to his desires, to reach out and claim the man he wanted above all others. He had to be strong for them both, to be able to walk away from temptation but he didn't want to. He wanted to pull Jim close to him, to hear his thoughts, feel his heart beat, and breath in his scent. He wanted Jim to be his...completely.

“What is it, why do you hesitate if you want the same thing I do?” Jim looked confused. Maybe Spock _didn't_ want him and was simply trying to find a nice way of telling him. “W-we can talk later, Spock. After you've, uh, had time to meditate or whatever. I'm, ah, going to go join Bones and the others...”

Spock's dark gaze snapped up to Jim's. It was clear he was trying to leave but Spock wasn't sure why? Had he said or done something wrong? “Jim, it is not necessary for you to leave, if you do not wish to.”

“Then, damnit, tell me what the fuck is going on! One minute you're telling me you feel the same as I do then the next your silent as a fucking wall!” Jim threw his hands up in frustration as he started to pace. He couldn't understand why Spock was being so mysterious all of a sudden. What had happened that he didn't know about.

“The...bond...between us makes it possible for us to hear the others thoughts. We are what my people call, _T'hy'la_ , brother, friend, lover. It is a warrior bond, forged during battle...”

“B-but we weren't in a battle, Spock, not really.” Jim looked confused. What did he mean, brother, friend...lover? That's not...could that be why his dreams...

“Are not dreams, Jim.” Spock whispered, his shame and embarrassment covered him as he struggled to stand still in front of his captain, his friend...the other half of his soul.

“T-those things really happened? With you, they really happened? I-I wasn't dreaming?” Jim could feel the room slowly moving around him as he tried to process what Spock was and was not telling him. Taking a deep breath, Jim turned towards the desk behind him and sat down. “So, my dreams aren't really dreams they're memories?”

“Yes, Jim. the Janjirians had found a way to start a false pon farr...”

“Pon farr, uh, w-what exactly is that Spock? Is it...should I know what that is? I mean, since we're connected and everythi...” Jim drifted off as his eyes slowly slid closed and a low moan rose from his throat. He gripped the desk as he tried to control the flood of emotions flowing through his system. The feelings of love, trust, need, and fear were the closest to the surface and washed over him in a wave. Jim couldn't help but arch up as he felt the deeper, stronger, underlying emotions. The lust, possession, want, and something else, something much darker than the others. _MINE!_ Echoed in Jim's head, the single word held more meaning than the others, more power and it sent Jim's body in overdrive. “Spock...” Jim gasped.

Spock watched as Jim processed the emotions sent across their bond. He tried to keep his mind from Jim's, to ignore the call of his Captain, his friend...his bondmate. He slowly moved forward at the sound of his name, watching as blue eyes opened and cleared. Spock could feel Jim's love and need, could almost taste his arousal as if they were back on the planet. “Jim, I must...” Spock broke off as he felt his feelings returned, the abrupt change making his steps falter. Taking a deep breath, Spock moved closer to his desk, watching as Jim slowly stood up to meet him. “There are still things to be discussed, things that will explain why I hesitate in my regard towards you. What I did would be considered...”

“It wasn't rape, Spock, it was consensual and it saved your life, so it's ok.” Jim looked at the pale man standing in front of the desk. He remembered them injecting Spock with something but he never knew what. When he'd asked they had simply smirked at him as they left the room.

“You did not deserve to be subjected to that side of my nature. You were not given the chance to disagree with the choice that you had been given. Yes, Jim, by Terran standards it would be considered rape. You were forced to endure my...attentions...against your will.” Spock spoke tightly, amazed at the calm and forgiveness he felt from Jim. He did not deserve it after what had happened between them. “I ask that you forgive me, Jim for having harmed you in anyway.”

“Spock, listen to me, it wasn't your fault, ok? It's the fault of a group of people who were misguided in their thoughts and beliefs. If that's the only thing bothering you...”

“I am not deserving of your forgiveness so easily, Jim. I attacked a senior officer...my T'hy'la...it is not something you should be willing to forgive.”

“It's not like you really had a choice Spock, it was an injection, not you, so I can't really blame you for what happened.” Jim moved around the desk slowly, aware that Spock was feeling overexposed and raw. “Y-you blocked those memories from me, didn't you? They made you hide them so I wouldn't remember immediately.”

Spock nodded, he could feel the bond reaching for Jim, demanding to be connected...fulfilled. The pain of having to hold himself in check, to remain stoic and rigid was beginning to take its toll on Spock and he wanted to just let go. He wanted to claim what was his. Spock wanted...Jim.

“We can't now, Spock. We will but not...not now.” Jim breathed. He closed his eyes as he slowly sat down again. Despite his relief at knowing what had happened and why, Jim knew they still had a mission to finish. “We still need to find out why they attacked me, specifically, and why they were able to fool us, and Starfleet, so easily.”

Spock nodded, moving closer. “I sent a message to Admiral Pike, he said he would wait to hear from you before he did anything else.” He watched as Jim closed his eyes, his breathing choppy, his grip on the desk tightening. “Jim, if we go back, they may make another attempt on your life. I can not guarantee I will be able to...control...my anger if you are harmed again.”

Jim took a deep breath, the rage he felt coming from Spock was making his body heat. It shouldn't be such a turn on but for Jim it was. “We, uh, I-I need to contact Chris then and let him know my memory's back.” Taking another deep breath, Jim looked up at Spock. “For now, I'm going to need you to try and not lose control, if both of us are out of it then the ship and crew are in danger.” When Spock nodded, Jim stood up and pulled at the hem of his command shirt. “Bones has me off duty for the next couple of days.” He flinched at the sharp look from Spock. “I-it's nothing serious, he just said something about rest earlier.” Jim flushed under the hot gaze moving over him. He knew he needed to leave, to give Spock some time to meditate and he needed time to freak out himself. “We, uh, we can go down with Bones, to the brig and talk to our guest. Find out more about them, if possible, then you and I are going to sit down and talk.” Jim looked at Spock in full command mode. They needed to get as much information about these people as they could and that meant going to the source. “Find out what you can, have Sulu and Scotty with you and if you need him call Giotto. I don't want you alone with him, Spock. I'll meet you back here in two hours.”

Spock nodded as he watched Jim stand up, his mood that of Captain. “Do you not wish to speak with him yourself, Captain?”

“No, I, n-not right now. I've got something else I need to take care of and I trust you to tell me what happens.” Jim flashed him a quick grin. “Two hours, Spock. I'll meet you back here.”

Spock nodded, unsure about going to talk to Lorne but because it was an order from his Captain he would obey. “Computer locate Mr. Sulu and Chief Engineer Scott.”

_Chief Engineer Scot and Mr Sulu are currently in the crew mess hall located on deck 12._

Spock nodded, “I will meet you back here in two hours.” Spock stepped closer, unable to resist the desire to touch Jim. He slowly raised his hand, the first two fingers extended and waited, his dark gaze on Jim.

Jim could feel the heat rising in his face as he looked at Spock's hand. A Vulcan kiss, that's what Spock wanted and Jim, unable to deny him copied the action. Raising his hand slowly, he extended the first two fingers and pressed them against Spock's. Shivering at the sharp tingle that shot up his arm and spread through out his body.

Spock took a deep breath, “I will return for you in two hours...Ashayam.” When Jim nodded, Spock slowly stepped back, his hand falling away from Jim's. He turned and walked to the door, looking back only once, he gave Jim a small smile and head nod. “I will return to thee.”

The words, although spoken softly, meant more to Jim than he realized. He watched Spock as he left the room then turned to the door leading to the bathroom. He needed a shower, to clean himself of the feeling of foreign hands on his body. He knew he should have been honest with Spock but he wasn't to sure just how to voice his feelings without hurting the others feelings. Last thing he wanted was Spock thinking that Jim didn't want his touch. So he turned on the water, turned it to the hottest setting possible. After undressing, Jim adjusted the water and stepped in, hissing at the sting on his skin. He would worry about their _guest_ once Spock returned, until then he planned to do as Bones had suggested earlier. Relax and eat, he'd figure out the rest later on.


	9. Chapter 9

“So, Son of Sarek, you have come either because he is dead or has regained his memory.” Lorne looked at Spock impassively. He glanced at the other three men standing behind him. “Why does he scan me, is he curious or worried about my having something?” He looked past Spock to Dr. McCoy. “Ah, he is the one that is held in as high regard as the Vulcan, You must be the other one, the one he calls Bones.”

“Just how the hell would you know that?” McCoy looked at the man in front of them, taking in the ice white, almost translucent skin, the ruby red hair, and the golden eyes. His gaze narrowed on the man as his smile widened.

“I know that Kirk holds you in high regard, like a brother but his feelings for you are not the same as those for the Son of Sarek. You are family to him, Son of Sarek is his life line.” He watched McCoy's face as he spoke, his face a blank mask of confusion.

“Who the hell are you talking about and why are you telling me?” McCoy glared at the man in front of him, his mouth turned down in a frown.

“Do you have everything you require, doctor?” Spock spoke with an impassive face, his voice devoid of any emotion. He wasn't in the mood to hear anything that Lorne had to say, his only desire was to be with Jim.

“Yeah, I'll let you know what I find once I'm done.” He turned his dark gaze on Lorne. “And you, you rotten son of a bitch, can go to hell talking about Jim as if you know him. You and your, _friends_ , can all go...” McCoy was cut off by a sharp voice.

“If that is all, doctor.” Spock's voice had gone tight, he could see what Lorne was doing. Jim was close by and he was attempting to find out what he could from McCoy.

“Ah, I hear him.” Lorne smiled. Closing his eyes he stepped back from the force field and sat down. “He has a most dynamic mind, the strength in him is almost more than even he...”

“You will cease speaking of him as if he is yours.” Spock's tone was dark as he watched Lorne's eyes slowly open, his smile widening.

“He's waiting for you and you left him to come see me?” Lorne stood up from his seat, his golden gaze watching Spock. “The fires still burn in you, yet you would not give in to them? Why, why do you fight so hard to not take that which he would freely give to you?”

Spock could feel his anger rising as he tried to ignore Lorne's words, despite the ring of truth to them. He knew Jim would freely give himself to Spock, if for no other reason than the bond but Spock would not force Jim. He would wait until Jim was ready but that would not be something he was sharing with their current guest. “What does and does not happen with the Captain is not your concern.” Spock glared at the man in front of him. He could feel Giotto step up close behind him, taking a deep breath he turned to the tall, burly man next to him and gave him a single nod. He wanted to go find Jim, to make sure that nothing had happened to him and that Lorne could never touch his mind again. But he had a task to complete, Jim had asked for information and as such he would get what was asked of him.

“Commander, Dr. McCoy is ready whenever you are.” Sulu said from Spock's right. His dark gaze remained on Lorne as he made his next statement. “The Captain said he will join us shortly.”

Spock watched Lorne's face as Sulu made his statement. His surprise was expected but his anger was not. “You are upset to know that he is alive.”

“He should not have been able to remember so soon. How did you do it, how were you able to...” Lorne drifted off at the impassive look on Spock's face and the stoic looks from both Giotto and Sulu. “Ah, Vulcan bondmates...”

“As you have stated, the Captain has a most dynamic mind.” Spock glanced again at Giotto and gave him a single nod then turned and left the brig. He took a deep breath once the doors had closed behind him, his rage threatening to consume him. Silently berating himself for not having better control of himself, Spock shook his head then turned to reenter the brig area. Once the doors had opened, he walked past Sulu and Giotto, giving them both a short look. Turning to Lorne, Spock waited until the other looked up at him. “You will stand trial for your crimes, crimes committed against Starfleet, as well as the Enterprise and her Captain. You face charges of sexual assault, kidnapping, murder, attempted murder, rape, and false imprisonment. You will have the option to counsel if you so choose, however your mental abilities will be limited.”

“You can not do something of that magnitude. You do not have the mental discipline to preform such a task.” Lorne glared at Spock.

“You are correct, there is however, one that can and will. Especially since you are a threat to the Captain and crew of this ship.” Spock glared at Lorne. He had contacted his counterpart, Selek, and asked him to come perform the required mental procedure to block Lorne from reaching Jim telepathically. Spock knew that if he were to do it in his current mental state he could very well kill Lorne with his rage. “He will preform the necessary steps to ensure that we are able to get the information we require, if you resist...” Spock took a step forward, making sure he had Lorne's full attention.

“If I resist, Son of Sarek, what will happen?” Lorne's golden gaze held the dark, angry one in front of him. “Tell me, will your Captain condone these actions?”

Spock glared at Lorne, then suddenly took a deep breath and stepped back. Before he answered he turned to the door and watched as Jim and McCoy walked in. Turning back to Lorne, he gave him a small smirk. “He will condone it if for no other reason than the simple fact is, he knows I will do whatever it takes to protect him and this ship.”

Lorne's gaze moved over to Jim, a smile playing across his lips. “Ah, so he will let you accept the blame for his actions in this.”

Jim gave him a tight smile in return. “If we're going to place blame then it would fall on you. You and your people attacked me...” Jim moved to stand beside Spock. “As well as my first officer and four members of my crew, you are being subjected to a Starfleet trial then a Vulcan trial.” Jim's blue gaze hardened as he watched Lorne closely. “By attacking my first officer you also attacked the Ambassador's son. Who is in turn the grandson of T'Pau, head of the Vulcan High Council.”

“You lie.” Lorne looked from Jim to Spock then back. He held the blue gaze in front of him, looking for the truth in the statement made.

Spock let out a low growl. “You will desist in trying to read his thoughts. I am indeed the Ambassador's son and grandson of T'Pau, the Captain is considered family, as well.” Spock stepped between Jim and the force field, blocking him from Lorne's view. He felt the hand clenching in the back of his shirt, knew that Lorne was trying to read Jim's thoughts. Glaring at the other man, Spock turned to Giotto. “Lieutenant, remove the force field.” He would physically stop him from hurting Jim if he would not do so when asked.

“Commander?” Giotto looked at Spock, confused at the request.

“Spock...” Jim gasped. His head was on fire. He could feel something pushing at his mind, a pressure that had him gasping as he clenched a hand tighter in Spock's Shirt. He turned to McCoy, who laid a hand on his shoulder, concern written all over his face.

“Jim, you ok, tell me what you need me to do?” McCoy pulled out a hypo, prepared to use it if the need arose. Glancing up at Spock, he said in a low voice. “Do something before I go in there and hypo his ass into next week.”

Growling, Spock turned back to Lorne, he could feel what Jim was feeling and his control was beginning to unravel. “You will stop your mental intrusion...”

“Spock, take the Captain back to his quarters and let me handle this from here.”

Spock turned to find Selek standing in the doorway. He scanned the other's face, saw that he would do as they had discussed and nodded. Turning to Jim, he spoke to him in a soft voice. “Come, Jim, we must leave if Selek is to do what needs to be done.”

Jim nodded, groaning at the headache that throbbed behind his eyes. He glanced over at Bones then turned to Selek. “Thank you for coming, I know it was last minute...”

“I was, how do you say, _in the area_ , and Spock explained to me why I was needed. Go, rest, I will let you know once I am done.” Selek nodded to them both, turning to McCoy he asked softly. “You will be staying, doctor?”

McCoy nodded. “Yeah, Spock can take care of Jim. I'll need to be here in case our guest here decides he wants to off himself.” He glared a Lorne then turned back to Selek. “Also need to make sure we monitor you as well, you mean a lot to Jim and I'm not going to see him hurt anymore.”

Selek nodded, watching as Spock led Jim from the room. Turning to face Lorne he studied the man in front of him. “You, Lorne of Janjira are found guilty of Crimes against not only two Federation officers and citizens but a Vulcan citizen as well. Before your trial, your mental capabilities will be suppressed. Any objection you might offer will be recorded and entered into the logs. Your government, however, has already informed us that they do not stand with you and will not support you in a public trial.”

Lorne glared at the man in front of him. “You are him, the son of Sarek, how is this possible? How is it you are here and he was just standing in front of me?”

Selek offered him a small quirk of his lips. “Some would say, I am a ghost from a time long gone. That, however is not your concern. You would do better worrying about whether or not you will survive both a Terran and Vulcan trial.”

Lorne stepped back from the force field. Realizing that he was alone, his people were not going to stand by him in this. “Would have been better for him to have killed me as well.”

“Touch his mate again and he just might.” Selek stated softly. Turning to Giotto, he gave him a small head nod. The sooner they got this taken care of the sooner Jim and Spock could finally focus on themselves.


	10. Chapter 10

His body had been on fire, the heat threatening to consume him from the inside out. Moaning, Jim shifted beneath the hard, hot body above him, gasping when those long, pale fingers moved over his skin. He wasn't sure why or how this was happening but it was and he didn't want it to stop. Arching up, Jim shivered at the soft, butterfly touches, the warm, tender kisses pressed against his over heated skin. He couldn't help the restless way his body moved, couldn't understand the reverence behind the actions of the other, the emotions pouring through him...they were almost crippling. The fact that Spock felt the same way, wanted the same thing as he wanted! Jim gasped as he felt a small puff of air against his right hip.

“You think to much, Ashayam.” A deep voice echoed in his head. The words were soft, sounding almost amused.

“I can't help it, I never thought...do you, uh, do you really want this?” Jim looked down at the man beside him, watching as he slowly moved up his body.

“Yes, Jim, as much as I want you.” Spock gave him a small nod, his fingers trailing up the tan skin beneath him.

Jim couldn't help grinning as he stretched out his sore body. Groaning, he turned his head, his gaze meeting the dark one of Spock. “Are you sure, I mean, I know what you told me they did to you but now that it's out of your system...are you really sure?”

Spock gave Jim a small smile. “It is what I desire as well, Jim.” He reached out and ran a hand gently over Jim's stomach. He enjoyed the feel of the soft skin flexing beneath his fingers. “I...apologize...Jim, if I hurt you in anyway. I was unable to...” Spock paused, uncertain of how to express how he currently felt. “What ever they injected us with, it seemed to have an adverse affect on me. Forcing me into my time earlier than expected.” He could feel the flush moving down from his ears to his face then lower.

“You said it was your, uh, pon farr? The, uh, the mating ritual for Vulcans, right?” Jim tried to hold the dark gaze, felt the other's embarrassment and trepidation. “Spock, what is it, what's wrong?”

“It is not something we speak of with outsiders.” Spock said softly. He stared into the blue eyes of the man lying next to him, struggling with the guilt of what he'd done and trying to suppress his desire for more. More of the hard, tan body next to him, more of the laughter, the moans, and soft sighs that left Jim's mouth. Spock wanted more than what he had been given. He wanted Jim to offer himself to him, to be willing to join with him in every way possible. “It is a side of my people that we do not wish for others to know of. It is called the Time of Madness, when our minds are taken over by a blood fever. The desire to conquer and mate is strongest during this time, it is part of the reason why...” Spock broke off, aware that he'd almost admitted his feelings to Jim. He wanted to, desperately, however, to tell this man...this single, one man how he felt. How he dreamed of having Jim in bed with him, lying next to him and doing nothing more than talking. Or just watching him sleep, that would please Spock as well.

“Why what, Spock? Why'd you stop talking?” Jim looked the other over. Trying to figure out what Spock wasn't telling him.

“It is of no consequence, Jim.” Spock leaned forward, brushing his lips against Jim's gently. “There are more important issues at hand.”

Jim sighed, nodding his head. He was still coming down from his orgasmic high and focusing was difficult but not impossible. “We have to get the others and get away from here.” Jim spoke softly, unsure how much of their conversation could be heard.

“They can only hear what we allow them, Ashayam.” Spock spoke softly, his gaze never leaving Jim's face.

Jim nodded, turning over on his side, he studied the silent man in front of him. “Why me, Spock, why would they pick me to go through this with you? It's not like we really get along all that well and I'm pretty sure that you and Nyota...”

“We are no longer together, Jim. We ended our romantic association three and a half months ago. She expressed an interest in Mr. Scott and I did not wish to hold her back from that.” Spock looked down, aware that in the time he and Nyota had stopped their romantic involvement, he'd spent more and more time with his captain. It hadn't been lost on him that he was attracted to the exuberant blond. The energy Jim gave off, the confidence, and unselfish desire to take care of his crew made him a worthy mate for Spock. It wasn't until the fight with Khan and then losing Jim, had Spock realized that he wanted more. More than just a few late night chess games after shift. He wanted more than to just be able to watch Jim from a distance, to listen to him joke and laugh with others, wondering if he would ever be included. There were times when Spock wondered if Jim knew or could feel how he felt for him. He would catch the ocean blue gaze watching him, the look in his eyes was one of confusion and something else. Something Spock didn't want to admit to seeing but would admit to feeling himself.

Jim raised up to look at Spock fully. “Oh, uh, ok I'm sorry? I mean, I didn't know a-and I'm sorry if it was difficult to deal with.” Jim tried to control his racing heart. If Spock and Uhura were no longer together, did that mean he had a chance now? Was it possible that after this, he and Spock could try and...

“We can do anything you wish, Ashayam.” Spock sat up, pulling Jim towards him. He growled low when Jim opened his legs to him, sliding over Spock's heated body in eager pleasure. “W-we can do that again as well but are you not sore, Jim? I do not wish...” Spock arched up as Jim sent him a mental image from earlier. Groaning low in his throat, Spock gripped the hips above his. “A-as you wish, Ashayam.”

Jim grinned down at the pale man beneath him. Loving the way his breath hitched as Jim moved over him. He straddled him, eager for more of their earlier activities. He could remember the feel of Spock inside him, the hard thrust of his hips, the feel of his mouth and hands moving all over his body. “I wish for us to be able to relax for a few. T-to enjoy...” Jim drifted off as he felt Spock pressing at his entrance. Groaning, he pressed back, slowly sheathing the hard member. “Spock...” Jim panted. “W-we can talk about... _oh fuck_...us, later...god, right there...” He leaned forward, his hands pressed against Spock's chest as he lowered his hips in time with Spock's thrusts. Jim let his head fall forward as a moan rose in his throat. His eyes drifted closed and he let his mind drift on the sensations running through him.

Spock held Jim tighter, his hips moving counter to the thrusting ones above him. Trying to control the urge to meld with Jim again, Spock moved his hands down Jim's back, loving the feel of the rippling muscles there, the way they flexed beneath his touch as he gripped Jim tightly. He fought the urge to slid them back up, to press his fingers against Jim's meld points. When Jim pressed down, Spock groaned, his gaze moving back to Jim's face surprised at the intensity of the blue gaze.

“Y-you want to meld us again?” Jim gasped, as he looked down at Spock. “I-I don't mind, Spock.” Jim could feel Spock's desires from his touch. Could feel his need to join them in every way possible. Then his hesitation... “Spock?”

“This is not something you have to...if this is not what you wish Jim...” Spock could feel his blood heating at the thought of being part of Jim. Of being able to join them in all ways possible again.

Jim grinned down at Spock. “You know, you sure are uncertain, Commander. Usually you're so... _logical_...about things.” Jim growled low near Spock's ear, laughing softly at the reaction from the other. “Ooo, like that do we? The thought of dominating me turns you on, doesn't it Spock?” Jim could feel the way Spock's muscles tightened beneath him. “It does, doesn't it? The thought of me fighting back makes you _want_ to take me. You crave it as much as you hate to admit it.”

“Yes...” Spock groaned harshly. He wanted to deny his feelings for this man. To be able to continue telling him no but now...at this current moment...if he could give the one thing that he so desperately wanted from Jim...Spock looked p into the face of his Captain, his friend, his lover. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, Jim.”( I cherish thee, Jim.) “We are what my people call, _k'hat'n'dlawa_ , half of each others heart & soul. I wish to share with you all that is me...”

“Yes, Spock, anything...anything you want.” Jim was willing to take whatever Spock was willing to give. The thought of sharing another meld with him, of opening himself up completely and Spock doing the same in return...it scared him but not as much as Spock leaving him. He wasn't sure he would be able to handle it if he did right now.

“I will not leave your side, Ashayam.” Spock raised his hands to Jim's meld points, could feel the excitement flowing through them both. “Nahp, hif-bi tu throks” (Your thoughts, give them to me.) Spock whispered. He watched as the ocean blue eyes dilated, Jim tilting his face down. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, Jim.” Spock panted, he could feel his blood burning with the need to join them. When his fingers were finally pressed against Jim's meld points, he closed his eyes and let go. Growling at the rush of emotions flooding his system, Spock reached for the other half of the bond. The bright golden thread that connected him to Jim. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, Jim.” Spock whispered in their mind space.

Jim chuckled. “I love you too, Spock.” He whispered, the words echoing between them. He's been here before, in a different time...a different place. Jim couldn't remember and at the current moment he wasn't to worried about it. He was finally getting a chance to have the love he'd always wanted, the love that haunted his dreams.


	11. Chapter 11

 

Jim groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. The bright glare of the lights above him hurt so he closed them again. He took small, shallow breaths, trying to ignore the pain throbbing in his head. Opening his eyes again, slowly, Jim was surprised to see strands of jet black hair and a slender, pale hand lying next to his thigh. Turning his head slowly, Jim looked around the room, sucking in a quick breath as it spun with his actions. Forcing back a whimper of pain. Jim closed his eyes again, trying to remember what happened.

“Captain?”

Jim turned his head towards the voice. “Spock.” The word came out hoarse and breathy, Jim's throat was dry and sore from lack of use. He felt something being pressed against his lips and recoiled, fear of being drugged making him struggle. “No, Spock, I...”

“It is water, Captain. Doctor McCoy would not allow you to be put on anything without his express consent. You are dehydrated, however, and require liquid replenishment, the IV is helping, however oral consumption would be of more benefit.”

Jim opened his eyes, squinting up at his first officer. “What happened?” Jim whispered, taking a sip from the cup in front of him. “W-why am I in sick bay?” He gasped, laying back against the pillows.

Spock looked at Jim curiously, trying to decide just how much Jim remembered and what he should tell him. “You were on the bridge, we were looking at a new planet that had revealed itself at 0600. You were in the middle of a question when you suddenly went silent and passed out.” He held back the fact that he'd carried Jim from the bridge to sick bay, having remained since their arrival.

Jim's eyes jerked up to Spock's face, scanning for any semblance of him joking. “I've never passed out for no good reason, Spock. Where's Bones, why isn't he here?”

“Doctor McCoy is currently in the next room with our Janjirian guest, Nitelva.” At Jim's look of confusion, Spock explained further. “You instructed that he be brought on board after he attempted to assassinate you. He has been kept in medical stasis until we reach Starbase 18 due to the seriousness of his injuries. Admiral Pike will meet us there to decide what should be done upon our arrival.”

Jim blinked, that's not possible, he would have remembered Nitelva still being alive, wouldn't he? He could have sworn that he'd died on the ship, right before... “W-what happened to, uh, t-to Lorne, is he still in the brig?”

Spock looked at Jim, his head tilted in concern. “There is no one on board or in the brig, by that name, Captain.”

Jim's gaze narrowed on Spock, his anger beginning to rise as he struggled to sit up. “That's not very funny, Commander.” Jim looked the other man over, looking for a sign, anything that would convince him that he wasn't losing his mind. Laying back down, Jim tried to go back over everything he could about what happened. Something wasn't adding up, everything had felt _so real_! He knows he didn't just imagine everything. The kidnapping, rape, Spock and himself, it hadn't been a dream had it? Did their current find have something to do with what was wrong with him?

Spock watched as Jim struggled to remember. He was confused as to why Jim thought they would have someone in the brig. “Captain, if I may ask a question?” He watched as bright, confused blue eyes looked up at him. Spock felt his stomach clench at the open honesty, the unguarded need to understand, and the fear that something was seriously wrong.

“ _Jim_ , Spock, you, ummm, you can call me _Jim_ and ask what ever you want.” Jim said softly, almost absently. He knew something wasn't right, he could feel it deep within his core. He had woken up in sick bay before only to find out that he'd been kidnapped, infected with something, raped, and bonded to Spock. Now Spock was telling him that one of his tormentors was not on the ship and the man who tried to kill him was still alive. “I may not answer but you can ask what ever you want.”

Spock nodded, aware that Jim couldn't see his actions. “You seemed, surprised to find that Nilteva remains alive and on the ship. May I ask why that is? It is standard Starfleet procedure that if a senior officer is attacked on a foreign planet...”

“I know procedure, Spock.” Jim sighed as he turned his blue gaze to Spock. “Maybe you should just meld with me, would make things a lot easier than having to say everything out loud.” He waved a hand in a vague motion towards his face. “Wouldn't be the first time I've melded with you.” Jim muttered softly, struggling to sit up on the biobed. “Well, at least _one_ version of you.”

Spock tried to hide his surprise at Jim's statement, he wasn't aware that he knew about Vulcan mind melds. “Captain?” He wasn't sure how to phrase his next question, curiosity racing through him. “I was not aware that you had ever been involved in a meld.”

Jim gave Spock a small smile. “Yeah, well your counterpart didn't give me much of a choice when he forced me to see what had pissed off Nero.” He could remember the pain he'd felt, the loss and desperation of losing one's home planet. Could remember the echo of Spock Prime's rage and pain as he realized that his mother had not lived in this universe.

“He forced you?” Spock felt a spike of jealous anger at the thought of his counterpart forcing himself on Jim in anyway. “It is against Federation regulations for a telepath...”

“For god's sake, Spock, _seriously_?! I know regulations, protocols, and procedures! It wasn't forced, not really, he _had_ to rush in order to help me understand what we needed to do!” Jim's voice had risen as a spike of anger shot through him. “What is it with you and rules right now? Is that what you wanted to ask me? If I remember my duty to the ship and crew?”

“No, Capt...Jim. My apologies.” Spock took a deep breath, stepping back from the biobed. He hadn't realized he'd moved closer until he was looking directly down at Jim. He wondered why he had not known about the meld between Jim and his counterpart. Who else had Jim shared this information with? What was it Jim had been shown that would make him remain silent about something so important?

“It's really not that serious, Spock. I just, I thought it'd be a lot easier to explain things. Probably why I've been having headaches too, I don't know.” Jim sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Anyway, status report, Mr. Spock, tell me what have I missed?” Jim knew it was a poor way to change the subject but couldn't bring himself to care right then. “How is my ship?”

Spock blinked at the sudden change of topic, watching as Jim seemed to shift persona's almost automatically. He was not ready to give up on the conversation about Jim and mind melding with his counterpart. For some unknown reason, the thought of such a thing having happened made Spock's stomach churn with possessive anger. Taking a deep breath, he decided to answer the Captain's question's...for now. “The Enterprise is running at peak capacity, Captain. All department heads report everything normal, except for Mr. Scott and his desire to test a new engine prototype.”

Jim chuckled, “Tell Scotty not right now, maybe if we get some serious down time but for right now...”

“Now, I could have sworn I gave you a sedative strong enough to knock out a Klingon blan-glark.”

Jim looked up at the dark haired man standing in the doorway. “”Bonesy old boy, how's it hanging?!” Jim gave his best friend a weak grin as he walked into the small room.

“I'd be better if you would just stop trying to give me a heart attack! I swear Jim, every time you meet someone new...” McCoy scowled at the blond in front of him, his dark gaze filled with angry concern.

“I don't mean to Bones and this time wasn't even my fault! You can ask Spock, we were there because Starfleet sent us not because I...” Jim looked between the two men, noticed how close they were standing and tried not to shrink back from them. _You're a Starfleet_ captain, _this is your best friend and first officer, they wouldn't hurt you._ Jim repeated the thought, struggling to hold the dark gazes of both men in front of him. “Bones?” He felt his stomach twist at the scowl on McCoy's face.

Letting out a rough sigh, McCoy moved further into the room. “You know, I swear you're going to be the death of me kid.” McCoy moved closer to the biobed, his dark gaze glancing over at Spock. “I'm going to do a quick check then go check on our idiot assassin.” Looking up at the monitor next to Jim's bed, McCoy frowned as he entered somethings into his padd.

“Bones, did, uh, d-did something happen with my memory?” Jim tried to play his concern off with as flippant a tone as possible. He didn't want to worry his friend but from the look on his face, he hadn't been successful. Jim watched as dark amber eyes moved over him in a cursory inspection.

“Not as far as we could tell, why, do you feel like somethings off or you're missing some time or memories?” McCoy picked up a tricorder, opening it he proceeded to scan Jim from head to toe. “You'd been hit pretty hard in the head but it didn't look threatening. Maybe I should have done a more thorough check.” McCoy muttered thoughtfully. “You could have a concussion, may be the reason you passed out.”

“No, i-it's just, maybe it's nothing, ok?” Jim chuckled weakly as he watched his friends face. Glancing over at Spock, he sighed as the tall, pale man remained silent, watching both of them with a high degree of interest. “Just feeling a little off? I-I mean...”

“The Captain is concerned about the absence of a specific prisoner, as well as why Nitelva remains alive and on board the Enterprise.” Spock stated matter of factly,

Jim and McCoy both turned to Spock, a frown on one face and worry on the other. “Just what the hell are you talking about Spock?” McCoy looked from Jim to Spock. “Of course he'd be brought on board, isn't he the one who attacked Jim and who is it we're missing?” McCoy turned to look at his friend, concern evident in his dark amber eyes.

“The Captain asked about someone by the name of Lorne, who is supposed to be in the brig.” Spock's dark gaze moved over Jim in a slow sweep. “If the Captain is having trouble with his memory it could be the after affects of the meld he shared with my counterpart.” Spock took a small step closer to Jim, aware of the angry look leveled on him. “In combination with the attack on him back on Janjira.”

“Wait, _another_ mind meld, just when the hell did _that_ happen?” McCoy glanced from Jim to Spock, his expression thoughtful. He let out a soft humming sound as he thought about the possibilities of what Spock had said. “Well, that would make some sense, I guess, if it is an after effect of the meld but the only way to find that out for sure...”

“Would be to initiate a meld with the Captain.” Spock interrupted softly. Jim had invited him to meld with him earlier and in his surprise he had hesitated in answering, almost losing the opportunity. An opportunity he did not want to waste. It was not lost on Spock that he held a high degree of affection for the blond man in front of him. So much so, that Nyota had almost called off their relationship. “If the Captain is agreeable to my performing the meld...”

“Now wait just a damn minute, if Jim's already having memory issues...” McCoy started angrily.

“It's ok, Bones, Spock knows what he's doing.” Jim kept his blue gaze on the man to his left, watching as he had slowly moved closer to the biobed. He had been surprised to see jealousy in Spock's eyes when he'd learned of the meld he'd shared with his counterpart. Usually his first officer was unreadable, his face an expressionless mask, dark eyes blank. “If he didn't he wouldn't suggest it and if it will help me figure out I anything's wrong...”

McCoy glared at Spock then turned back to Jim, his expression filled with concern. “A-are you sure Jim, I mean he'll see _everything_ going on in your head and knowing how you fe...”

Jim cut his friend off with a soft grunt. “It's ok and it's not like he can't hear us you know, the whole Vulcan super hearing thing. So yeah, whispering isn't going to work. Anyway, Selek didn't see everything and if he did he never mentioned it.” Jim looked up at Bones then back over at Spock. He knew why his friend was nervous, knew that if he let Spock in his head he would see just what Jim was trying to hide from him. Taking a deep breath, he glanced back up at McCoy. “Give us a few, ok, I'll have Spock come get you once he's finished.”

McCoy frowned at Jim's statement. “Wait, what, no?! Why the hell can't I stay? You might need my help or something.” He looked between Jim and Spock, not missing the way Spock had moved closer to Jim, the dark head bent slightly in submission. “Spock, you ok over there?You're awful silent about something so damn important.” He scowled at the man as he looked up in surprise.

Spock's head snapped up, his dark gaze meeting McCoy's. “Yes, doctor, I am well. Merely preparing myself mentally for what will need to be done.” Spock was trying to control the erratic roll of his emotions. His desire for Jim was not immediately apparent and he knew that if he were not careful, it would bleed through to the other. He had listened as McCoy had warned Jim against the meld, stressing the word _everything_ in his explanation. He couldn't help but wonder what that meant, what was it that McCoy was worried about him seeing?

“Yeah, well, just make sure this one here doesn't lose anymore than he already has.” He sighed as he looked back at Jim. “I can't talk you out of this but I can damn well make sure you know I am _not_ happy about having to leave. What if you need me for something, what if you don't respond well to the meld?”

“The Captain is aware that he has the choice to show me what he wishes me to see, I do not have the right to look further beyond what is allowed.” Spock said softly, his dark gaze held by the blue one in front of him. “Not without the Captain's express permission.”

“Jim, Spock, you can still call me _Jim_.” Jim held Spock's gaze, struggling to remain still beneath the dark, penetrating look.

Spock tilted his head to the right, a small smile playing around his lips. “Very well...Jim.” He said the name softly, reverently, his tone filled with a wealth of emotions he couldn't immediately express. He watched as the blue eyes dilated, the pupil's blown wide. Jim's nostrils flared and Spock took another unconscious step forward. Glancing up at McCoy, Spock didn't miss the look of worried confusion on the doctor's face. Looking back down at Jim, Spock held back the desire to just move forward and press his fingers against Jim's psi points. To join them and fall into the mind he knew he would never want to leave.

Jim held back a groan as a hot flare of need shot through him at the sound of his name falling from Spock's lips. Taking a deep breath, Jim closed his eyes and relaxed against the bed. He needed to get himself under control or Spock would see way more than he needed. He opened his eyes at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Turning towards the door, he smiled at the nurse standing there. “Nurse Carter?”

“It is truly a pleasure to see you awake, Captain. I apologize for the interruption.” The petite red head turned to McCoy, a padd in her hands. “Doctor, our guest is awake and demanding he be returned to his home planet, immediately.”

McCoy frowned as he took the padd from her hands and nodded. “I'll be right there. Get a sedative ready in case we have to calm his ass down. Don't forget, this man almost killed the Captain so _be careful_.” When Nurse Carter nodded and left the room, McCoy turned back to Jim and Spock. “Ok, I want it known I don't fully agree with this decision but will acquiesce because Jim is so determined to follow through with it.” Giving Jim a worried look, McCoy moved closer to the blond. “You're my best friend, Jimbo and Scotty will kill me himself if anything happens to you, along with Sulu and Chekov, so don't, uh don't go any further than _you_ can handle.” He glanced over at Spock, the dark gaze still on Jim. Turning back to the man in front of him, McCoy sighed. “Just be careful and I'll let you know about our guest once you're done.”

Jim nodded as he watched McCoy turn from the bed and head to the door. “Hey, Bones?” Jim knew he was worried about him, he was worried himself but the look in his friends eyes, the concern on his face. “You know if I knew what was going on, I'd tell you, right? I-I mean, you'd be the first to know, you're my best friend after all.” Jim gave him a small grin, his stomach twisting at the look on Bones' face.

Holding in a sigh, McCoy glanced from Jim to Spock then back. “Yeah, I know, now you two do,” He wiggled his fingers in the air, a frown curving his lips down. “What ever the hell it is you need to and come find me when you're done.” He looked back at Spock before leaving the room. “I'm leaving him in your hands for now, don't let anything happen to him.” He gave Spock a hard look then left the room.

Spock nodded, watching as McCoy left, the door sliding shut with a soft hiss. Taking a deep breath, Spock turned to find Jim watching him. The cerulean blue gaze intent in their study of him. “Is everything alright, Captain?”

Jim blinked, his face heating as he tried not to think about everything he remembered. He was pretty sure Spock wouldn't want to see anything that involved them having sex. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at Spock and grinned. “Yeah, just, uh, just thinking about something's.” Sitting up straighter on the bed, Jim waited as Spock moved closer. “Ok, so, I'm not really sure how this works. Spock Prime didn't ask to see anything, he kind of just, _showed_ me things.” Jim frowned, he should have asked about that before he agreed to anything.

“As I have told Dr. McCoy. I cannot see anything you do not wish me to see. If it is forbidden, I will not press.” Spock held back his curiosity at the look of relief that appeared in Jim's eyes. Was he trying to hide something from him? Did he not want Spock to know what, if anything, happened between him and his counterpart? Spock pushed down the hot flare of possessive jealousy. Jim Kirk did not belong to him and yet...he found himself _wanting_ that thought to be true. “We will begin when you are ready, Jim.” Spock held back the small thrill of pleasure as Jim's eye's held his, widening with an expression he'd never seen before. Taking an unsteady breath, Spock moved next to the biobed, waiting for his Captain to tell him what he wished to do next.

Jim could have sworn his body was on fire, the hot wave of lust that shot through him just from Spock saying his name was unnerving. Shaking his head, he looked up at Spock and took a deep breath. This was going to be hard for either of them to deal with but they would need to in order to understand what Jim was talking about. “Ok, so, uh, something's don't really make sense. I mean, I don't really know that much about Vulcan culture. You know, bonds, mind melds, and uh, pon farr? I'm not sure, I could be wrong.” Jim frowned down at the blanket covering him, missing the look of surprise on Spock's face. “So, uh yeah, there's that then the fact that you and Bones both say Nilteva is still on the ship, alive and that Lorne was never brought up. Especially after...” Jim drifted off as he looked up at Spock, he was much closer than before and Jim could see the gold flecks in his eyes. Watched as the pupils dilated, forcing the dark chocolate rings to thin out, lighting with fire. “Spock...”

“You should not know of such things. These are not subjects that Vulcans discuss with outsiders.” How did Jim know of something so private, so _personal_? Who would have discussed them so freely with him? Spock didn't believe his counterpart would have been so careless, aware of how important it is to preserve their culture. “You speak of things that you say you have no knowledge of however...” Spock broke of, confusion at the thought that maybe his counterpart _had_ let something slip. What if he'd left something behind in Jim's mind and it was now beginning to alter Jim's thoughts.

“There's nothing wrong with me Spock, I mean, no more than usual, right? I'm not losing my mind am I?” Jim asked softly. He knew that there was _something_ wrong, had known from the time he woke up. Which reality was real, the one he was in now or the one he remembered? Was this some type of experiment and he was somewhere locked up and no one could find him? Shaking his head, Jim sighed in frustration. “Ok, well sit down, I'll get a crick in my neck if I've gotta look up at you the entire time.” He tried not to be to gruff with his words, letting out a soft sigh as Spock sat down on the bed next to him. Jim watched as Spock lifted his right hand and paused mid motion.

“Captain...Jim...if you do not wish to continue I will not go any further.” Spock waited for a response. When Jim simply nodded, his face lifting towards Spock's fingers, he held back a soft growl of satisfaction. Blinking in confusion, Spock again pushed back the animalistic urge to press his finger to Jim's psi points and demand his thoughts. The pleasure at Jim's actions forced a primal response from him that he had not thought himself capable of. Raising his right hand, Spock moved closer, leaning over the man in front of him. He whispered the ancient words, the ones that would allow him access to the mind of the man he was beginning to desire above all others.

Jim resisted the urge to arch up into the soft touch. Unaware of his movements, he raised his hands, resting them on Spock's biceps. He shivered as the muscles beneath his hands flexed then relaxed. When they fell into the meld, Jim held back a groan. This wasn't as rushed as it had been with Selek, this was a slow, gentle push. One that seemed to ask permission before doing anything else. Trembling, Jim sucked in a quick breath. “Spock?”

Spock held back the desire to move through Jim's mind. The need to know what made the other man who he was, thrummed through him with an intensity that both surprised and confused him. He heard the soft breath, the question that went unasked. Refocusing on the task at hand, Spock moved through the images and information Jim gave him. It wasn't until he'd come to a particular group, did Jim resist.

_No, Spock, not, uh, n-not those. That's kind of personal, I mean, i-it's not my memories but Selek's, I think._

Spock bit back the harsh growl of possessive jealousy that rose in his throat. The fact that his counterpart had left memories behind, memories that Jim guarded possessively, made his stomach churn with anger. Why would he be so careless? Why would he not make sure that Jim did not suffer any residual effects from the meld?

_Will they help explain what has been happening to you, Jim?_

Jim tried not to pull away from Spock, the desire to show him everything was overwhelming but somethings...somethings he wasn't ready to share just yet.

_They, uh, they might? I'm not sure but just, please, w-we can deal with those later, ok?_

Jim tried to keep his thoughts as neutral as possible, relieved when Spock didn't push to see what he refused to show. It wasn't until he'd come to the group threaded with a golden ribbon did Jim stiffen beside Spock. He hadn't really seen these memories before. They looked like the dreams he'd been having, locked away and protected by the ribbon.

_How is this possible, for you to have..._

Spock broke off as he examined the bright golden thread. Not getting to close, he watched as it moved through a set of memories that seemed to surprise Jim as well.

_You do not remember these memories, Jim?_

_I don't...I-I'm not sure, I've been having dreams about some of the things here._

Jim stepped closer to where Spock was standing, a frown curving his lips down.

_The ribbon, it looks like it's been ripped. See, the ends are frayed but the memories are still bound to it._

Spock stepped forward, reaching out to touch the bright thread. He examined the end of the ribbon, watched in fascination as it reached for him, the ends spreading out like a golden web. Spock held still, the desire to wrap himself in the gossamer threads was overwhelming. He sucked in a quick breath as a single thread wrapped around his finger. Something about this was familiar, as if they both had been here before.

_Fascinating..._

Spock couldn't hide the awe in his voice, watching as the threads spread out and wrapped around his hand, moving slowly up his arm. He gave a soft huff as they tightened, squeezing in a way that held Spock in stunned wonder.

“Spock,” Jim moaned. He tried to remain still, his body beginning to thrum with the desire to touch, to move, to explore. “W-what's going on?” He was breathless with the need to press against Spock, to know if it was just him or if...

“I-I do not know, Jim.” Spock moved closer to Jim, leaning further over him, Spock could feel the small breaths of air leaving Jim's lips. The intensity, the essence, the _potency_ of Jim Kirk was slowly wrapping itself around him, thickening his blood and fueling his desire for the one person he should not want.

Spock clenched his jaw against the need beginning to thrum through him. The desire to lean down and taste the mouth before him, to seal Jim's breath between their lips, was beginning to test his control. Taking a deep breath, Spock fought back a groan. Jim having exhaled as soon as Spock inhaled, the action surprising and pleasing at the same time. Looking back at the threads, Spock started in surprise when he noticed that they were beginning to play the memories around it. Moving closer, he ran his hand over the silky ribbon, shivering at the soft breaths leaving Jim.

_Spock, w-what the fuck..._

Jim broke off breathlessly, fighting back a groan of pleasure. What the hell was going on? This isn't something he should be thinking about right now. Watching Spock with narrowed eyes, Jim struggled to control his breathing. He followed him, slowly looking through the memories in front of them. When he finally caught up with Spock, he sucked in a quick breath at the memory that flashed in front of him.

 _W-was that, Spock, d-did you just_ kill _someone?_

Spock looked at the memory in front of him in surprise. It hadn't taken him long to realize that the ribbon was playing everything in reverse, showing him events flowing opposite than when they really happened.

_It would appear I have done so more than once, Jim. All directly related to you._

As Spock looked around them, he suddenly realized the danger they were in. The golden thread around them was the same one he'd seen during his meditation, matching the one that held a number of unknown memories for him as well. Memories that showed them bonded, sharing things he craved yet did not believe possible.

_We must leave, immediately._

Spock stepped back, refusing to look at the rest of the memories in front of him. Knowing that the hidden memories in his mind would match Jim's. But how, _how_ is this possible when they have never had any other physical contact since the Destruction of Vulcan? How is it that the one man he silently craved above all others, would have the other half of a broken Vulcan bond... _his_ bond?

_What, wait, Spock, what's going on? What does all of this mean?!_

Jim watched in frustration as Spock tried to back away but was stopped by the threads wrapped around him. Shaking his head, Jim moved forward to help his friend get free. He started in surprise when Spock jerked away from him, the look in his eyes showed fear and something else, something he'd never seen before.

_Spock?_

Jim reached for him again, his hands brushing the hem of his blue science officer's shirt. He stared at the pale man in front of him, confused about what was going on and what they had seen.

Spock tried to keep out of Jim's reach. To be touched by him here, in Jim's mind, would undo what little control he had left. If he were to believe what he'd been shown, it would mean that he and Jim were destined to be _T'hy'la_. Something he did not believe he would find in another person, especially not someone as illogical and irrational as James Kirk. Yet the thought wasn't as distasteful as Spock had originally thought. The fact that he desired Jim should have been evidence enough as to how he felt.

_We will discuss it once we have left the meld._

He tried to hide his breathless tone, tried to push back the desire to wrap himself in the threads pulling him forward. He knew he needed to find a way to extricate himself, to make sure he didn't do anything foolish or harmful to Jim.

Stepping back, Spock tugged on his arm, the original threads moved slowly down his arm, wrapping around his hand. The touch making him gasp out loud, his body shivering from desire.

_“_ Jim...”

Spock hadn't meant to moan his name, the sound echoing around them in the empty medbay room. He tried to control his breathing but the threads were now slowly moving around his fingers, teasing his senses with a taste of the passions and desires that drove James Tiberius Kirk.

“Spock...Taluhk nash-veh k'dular...”

Spock jerked, the words were spoken softly in Vulcan but not within the meld. Slowly opening his eyes, Spock looked down at the man in front of him. Shaking, he pulled away as cerulean blue appeared, sharp, bright, and intense. “I was not aware...”

“That I could speak Vulcan? Yeah, well, Selek thought I should know how so he sent me some books and audio tapes.” Jim watched the pale face in front of him. “I'm not, uh, I-I don't know what _those_ particular words mean but I'm sure I can ask your counterp...”

“ _No_ ,” The word came out sharper than Spock had intended, the tone surprising both Jim and himself. “It is not necessary that you contact him in order to find the meaning to the words.” Spock's tone was sharp, _possessive_ , as he tried to control the desire to meld with Jim again. “I will help you find the answers you seek, Jim.” Spock struggled with his control, the images Jim had shown him, memories that were not his but involved him in some way, were making him face things he'd never expected to. The most pressing one was his desire to _claim_ Jim, to mate with him until he thought of no other but Spock. Moving back from the wide eyed man in front of him, Spock slowly stood up. He kept his gaze on Jim, trying to figure out what to do, how to handle the situation they now found themselves in. The questions as to _how_ Jim Kirk was his mate weren't as pressing as to _when_ he could possess him. Taking a deep breath, Spock studied Jim, noting the rapid breathing, dilated eyes, and the unconscious clenching of his hands in the sheets. “I will find Dr. McCoy and then we will discuss what it is you have shown me.” He needed to escape, to leave the room before he physically attacked Jim. Nodding his head, Spock turned and fled, his steps sharp and quick as he left in search of Leonard McCoy.

Jim watched as Spock almost ran from the room, surprised to feel the ball of hurt curling in his chest. Looking down, Jim frowned as he thought about what they'd seen in the meld. What did it all mean? He knew it involved them but whose life was it, was it his or was it Selek and _his_ Jim Kirk? Shaking his head, Jim sat up slowly, he needed to contact New Vulcan. He knew Spock meant well, that he wanted to help but they usually couldn't agree on anything except chess.

_You agree enough to fuck each others brains out, obviously._

Jim groaned at the thought, laying back down on the bed. How, _how_ was any of that possible?! He had felt the barely controlled desire Spock had held in check. All of it had been directed at Jim, _for_ Jim.

_Just because he wants you doesn't mean he cares for you._

“Shut up.” Jim whispered. Spock wouldn't play with his emotions, no matter how he felt about Jim. “You don't know what you're talking about.” He closed his eyes trying to block out the voice, it was familiar yet not. The taunts, he's heard them before but from who? Who would be cruel enough...

“Goddamnit Jim if you don't get out of your head and talk to me?!”

Jim jerked at the sharp voice. Looking up, he was met with a pair of angry sienna eyes. “Bones...” He looked behind his friend to find the room was empty, save for them.

“Christ, what did he do to you? You both look wrecked from the inside out.” McCoy looked at Jim, eyes wide, voice full of concern. “Jim, talk to me will ya'? You're my best friend and I'm really beginning to worry about you.”

“These, uh, th-these dreams, Bones, they may or may not really be dreams.” Jim whispered.

“Just what the blue hell does _that_ even mean?!” McCoy threw his hands up in frustration as he paced from the bed to the door and back. “First Spock damn near runs out of here as if the hounds of Hades are chasing him and now you're talking like a drunk riddler!” He looked at his friend's pale face. “Just what the hell is going on, Jim?”

“I've been having these dreams, about...” Jim broke of as he thought about how much to tell his friend. He loved Bones like a brother but there were somethings he was loath to tell him, especially if it involved Spock. “About Janjira, being attacked and kidnapped from the Enterprise. The things that happened feel so, _real_ Bones, It's just, I-I don't know. Something's happening to me Bones and it's beginning to worry me too.”

McCoy sighed as he looked at Jim. “But you weren't kidnapped, Jim, you're still here and we plan to keep it that way. As for what happened, I don't know what you're dreaming about but I've been here with you, as well as Spock and no one has been near you to hurt you.” McCoy watched as Jim nodded, a frown working it's way across his usually smiling face. “There's something else, isn't there?”

“Let's talk about it when I get out of here, ok? You know how thin these walls can be.” Jim said with a small upward tilt of his lips. He sighed as Bones' continued frown. “Seriously, once I'm out of here...” Jim was cut off by the sound of the door opening. Looking up, he tried to hide his pleasure at seeing Spock. “Hey, I. uh. I thought you'd ditched me.” He hoped the hurt he'd felt hadn't bled through in his words. Watching Spock walk back into the room, Jim sucked in a quick breath as he let his gaze look him over. He wondered how it would be with Spock, would he be as closed off and distant like now? Or would it be something else, something more dangerous and hot? When McCoy scowled at Spock, Jim frowned. “Bones, what's the problem, now?”

“Spock thinks it'd be best to release you to your quarters, I, however, do not.” McCoy glanced over at Spock then turned back to Jim. “He feels that you would be more comfortable there than you would be here. My concern isn't your comfort it's in your well being and I don't think...”

“You think it will help me figure out what's going on?” Jim cut off McCoy's rant, his gaze on Spock. When warm, chocolate brown eyes looked back at him, Jim had to fight to hide his reaction. He'd never seen that look in Spock's eyes before, the warmth simmering in the dark depths made Jim's stomach clench. Taking a shaky breath, he waited for Spock to give him an answer.

“As you are known to eventually leave sick bay against Dr. McCoy's orders, it would stand to reason that you would recover better in your own quarters. The suggestion I made was sound and based on facts to support...”

“Ok, ok, for the love of _god_ , just, would you shut the hell up! You unfeeling, cold blooded...” McCoy growled in anger.

Jim's gaze narrowed as his head turned to McCoy. “Do _not_ finish that statement, Bones. I love you like a brother but I swear if you...”

“Captain?”

Jim's gaze jerked up to the door, surprised to find Uhura standing in the doorway. Looking from Nyota to Spock then back, Jim tried not to show how tense he was. His earlier emotions still echoed through him, setting his nerves on edge and making him overly defensive. “Lt. Uhura, to what do we owe the pleasure of your presence?” Jim gave her a tight smile, wondering if she were here to see him or to see Spock.

“I came to check on you for one and to make sure Spock didn't forget dinner this evening.” Nyota looked from Jim to Spock then back. “It's good to finally see you awake, Captain. We were all beginning to worry about you.” She gave Jim a small smile, her gave giving him a quick once over.

Jim smiled, holding the dark gaze, he knew this game, had played it before and wouldn't fail to give a show as well. “Awww, well that's just to sweet. You guys must have really missed me if the message is coming from you, Lieutenant.” He held back the groan of frustration as her eyes narrowed. “I'm just playing, Uhura, remember? All I'm about is jokes and games.” Jim said softly, turning his head away from her. He closed his eyes as he listened to the conversation around him. He wanted to be alone right now, not sitting here listening to others make plans as if they involved him. Taking a deep breath, Jim turned to the group standing by the door. “Hey, guys, would you, uh, how bout you guys go ahead and leave.” At the surprised looks from Uhura and McCoy, Jim shook his head. When Spock remained silent, Jim continued. “I know you all have plans and now that I'm awake you guys don't really have to worry about me, I'll be fine. Besides, I'm tired and want to get some sleep.”

“You sure, Jim? I mean I'm on duty for the night so I don't mind sitting with you.” McCoy frowned at his friend, worry making him look haggard, older than when they had started their journey.

“Yeah, Bones, I'm not a completely selfish bastard. Go, eat, relax, have fun, or do what ever it is you do in your down time.” Jim gave him a small grin, keeping his eyes on McCoy. He refused to look at Spock or Uhura, knowing that he'd give himself away if he did. “Bring me a dinner roll though? I'm starving.”

McCoy chuckled, “I'll get you something to eat but I'll be back. Like I said I'm on duty this evening so I'll sit with you.” McCoy nodded to him, said his goodbyes to Uhura and frowned at Spock. “Don't you dare upset him before I get back.” When Spock remained silent, McCoy growled low in his throat. “Do you hear me, Spock? Jim better be as calm as possible when I bring him his food.”

“Then it would seem you would need to carry out the task as quickly as possible, would it not, doctor?” Spock saw the surprise that flitted across McCoy's face, heard the sharp breath from Nyota, but it was the feel of cerulean blue eyes on him that held him on edge. Looking away from McCoy, Spock looked up at Nyota. Her surprised gaze held his before moving to the blond man behind him then back. Spock saw the understanding, knew she could read the answer to her questions from his body language. He knew she could tell something was different now, more, _intimate_ between Jim and himself. “I will meet you for dinner, Nyota.” He spoke softly, aware that Jim was strangely silent behind him. Turning to McCoy, Spock took a deep breath. “I apologize for my sharp tone, doctor.” When McCoy simply nodded then left the room, Spock waited as Nyota watched him.

“I should have seen it sooner, or maybe I did and wanted to pretend that I was just making things up.” She looked up at Spock, her eyes filled with sadness. “I'll see you at dinner, we can talk then.” She ran a hand down Spock's arm, squeezing his bicep. “If he hurts you, I will hurt him.” She whispered. She gave Jim one last look then turned to Spock, nodded then left the room.

Spock watched as the door closed behind her. Turning, he looked at Jim, wondering what was going through his mind. “Captain...”

“Jim, Spock, my name is Jim.”

Spock nodded, the intimacy of using Jim's first name implied a number of things and elicited a riot of emotions that Spock couldn't fully focus on at the moment. “Jim, I will return shortly, if it is acceptable to you, I will bring the chess set and we can finish our current game.” He watched as Jim's gaze moved up to his in surprise. He wondered if maybe he had over stepped his bounds, maybe Jim didn't want him to come back.

“You, uh, you'll be back?” Jim was surprised. He had seen how close Spock and Uhura had been standing to each other. Wondered about what was whispered between them but had turned away when she had reached out and touched Spock. Jealousy churned in his stomach as he tried to erase the image from his mind. “You don't have to Spock, I'm sure Uhura is pissed you've spent so much time here anyway. Go enjoy your evening and I'll see you when you get a chance.” Jim pushed back the hurt his own words elicited. He wanted Spock to stay with him instead of leaving but knew it wasn't his place to demand such a thing. “You deserve some free time after watching over me.”

Spock frowned, did Jim not wish to spend time with him? Had he done something that Jim found displeasure with? “I do not...” Spock started but was interrupted by the return of McCoy with a tray of food.

“You still here? You better hurry up and get ready to meet Nyota. She said tonight was a special night for you guys.” McCoy chuckled as he set Jim's tray in front of him, missing the pained expression that flitted across Jim's face. “You know Spock, I don't know how you did it but I'm surprised that you two have lasted this long.”

Spock ignored the taunt, his gaze focused on the flushed face of the man partially hidden behind McCoy. He waited until Jim had looked up at him, his eyes wide and unblinking. “I will return shortly, if that is acceptable, Jim.”

Jim blinked, surprised that Spock would insist on coming back. “Yeah, uh, sure. I-if you can make it back without any issue.” He looked away from the dark gaze, focusing on the tray Bones sat down in front of him. Lifting one of the lids, Jim frowned. “Bones, what the hell is this? I need _real_ food not this...this gruel.” Jim pushed the tray away, his appetite having left with Spock's plans with Uhura.

“Don't you start with me, Jim. You may not want to eat it but it will help you replenish what you've lost.” At Jim's mutinous glare, McCoy sighed then turned to Spock. “See if you can get him to eat something, I don't have time to argue right now. There are other patients that will appreciate my company more.” He looked from Spock to Jim then back, shaking his head he left the room, muttering about stubborn, ungrateful best friends.

“I won't eat it.” Jim said with a huff. He folded his arms across his chest and waited to see what Spock would do. Jim watched him from beneath his eye lashes, trying to gauge just how far he could push Spock before he broke. “Dungi klee'fah.(I will refuse.)” Jim growled in anger. He watched as Spock's gaze narrowed, barely hiding his surprise and something else. Something dark and possessive passing through the dark, liquid orbs.

“Du dungi-fam, Jim.(You will not, Jim)” Spock's tone came out harsh, his blood heating at the challenge in Jim's eyes. He resisted the urge to grab Jim, to pull him up off the bed and force him to bend to his will. He watched as blue fire narrowed on him, the tan face flushed red in anger. “You will eat what the doctor has brought for you.” Spock watched as Jim's expression turned belligerent. “I will accept no refusal.”

Jim's gaze narrowed into dangerous slits. “Just who do you think you are, Spock? If I don't want to fucking eat, I won't! Neither you nor Bones can make me eat if I...” Jim sucked in a sharp breath, letting it out on a shivery moan. Spock was kissing him,,, _Spock was kissing him!_ Reaching up, Jim slid his fingers through Spock's hair, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened.

Spock growled low in his throat, the need to silence Jim, to make him bend to his will was thrumming through him in a steady tattoo. He wanted to dominate him, to force him to give in then sooth the anger with his passion. Pulling back, Spock looked down at the upturned face, the kiss swollen lips, and the wide, passion glazed eyes. It wasn't until Jim reached for him again did Spock pull back. He still had to meet with Nyota, he couldn't start anything with Jim until he ended things with her completely. “Jim...” Spock whispered against his lips. “I must...y-you need your rest as well as your strength. Please, Ashayam, you must eat, if for no other reason than to be able to leave sick bay.”

Jim stiffened, he wasn't hungry and if Spock was leaving he wouldn't have an appetite until he came back...if he were coming back. “No, I'm not...just, go, you don't have to come back, Spock, I understand.”

“I will return for thee, Jim.” Spock said softly. He looked down into the blue eyes watching him. Tried to hold back the shiver that ran through him at the thoughts running through Jim's mind. “I will not abandon thee.”

Jim watched Spock, unaware that he was sending his thoughts through his touch on Spock's scalp. Looking up, he slowly slid his hand through the jet black strands, shivering as they seemed to caress his fingers. “You'll return.” Jim said softly, watching as he lifted his hand, Spock's hair slowly fell away, falling around the other's face in disarray. “You should wear your hair like this, I mean, not in front of everyone b-but just, sometimes, in your down time.” Jim watched as the dark head bowed, as Spock seemed to struggle with something before looking back up at him.

“I will return in approximately one hour, forty-five minutes. If you have not eaten in that time I will have you removed from sick bay and back to your quarters.” Spock tried to control the riot of emotions running through him. He'd felt more from Jim than he'd thought possible. “If the memories you have are to be understood, you will need to be where you feel safest. You do not enjoy sick bay, it would not be conducive to your recovering what you have lost.”

Jim grinned up at the flushed face above him. “You think you have a way to help me out then?” He couldn't help the smile that curved his lips. He could tell when someone wanted him and from looking at Spock, he wanted him. When Spock nodded, Jim took a deep breath, his stomach churning as a thought popped in his head. What if Spock was only reacting to what he'd seen in the meld? What if this was just some type of dream and he has yet to wake up from it? How did he know that what he say was real not what he wanted to see. “You're sure we don't need to contact Selek? You can help me figure this out, right?”

Spock pushed back the urge to snap at the mention of his counterpart. He knew that it was unreasonable to be jealous but he couldn't help it. Not only had Selek touched the mind and claimed the body of his own Jim Kirk, his touch now haunted the mind of Spock's Jim Kirk. “I will do what I can to assist you, Jim. If we need to contact New Vulcan, I will do so then.” He held his temper in check, trying not to give the small tendril of worry any time to grow. “Now, you must eat and rest.” At the stiffening of Jim's jaw, Spock gave him a small quirk of his lips. “It is not necessary to always fight me, Ashayam. I will return to thee.” Spock slowly moved away from the bed, his eyes drifting closed as Jim's hand caressed his cheek then slowly moved down. Spock was helpless against these emotions, never having felt them for another, he didn't know what he was supposed to do but he knew Jim did. He knew Jim could help him understand the other half of himself, help him find a way to exist in a world where different wasn't always seen as beautiful.

Jim smiled as Spock pressed his cheek against his hand. “The sooner you leave the sooner you'll be back.” Jim said softly. He could feel a tingling spreading throughout his body from their brief contact. His dreams had been filled with small touches and laughter, of love and pleasure as well as pain and heartache. He'd wondered, not for the first time, what if he had a chance with Spock? What would it be like to just let go and give someone else control? Jim held in the small whine that rose in his throat as Spock moved back. Clenching his jaw tightly, Jim watched as Spock slowly backed out of the room, the dark gaze remaining on him the entire time.

When the door finally hissed shut, Jim sank back against the pillows. He needed to figure out a way to leave sick bay without alerting Spock or Bones. He needed to contact New Vulcan and find out if Selek could do anything to help. Looking around the room, Jim sighed, thankful he wasn't still hooked up to the heart monitor. Throwing off the blankets, Jim sat up and stretched, sighing as he slowly stood up. He swayed once his feet touched the floor, forcing him to close his eyes and take a deep breath. A sense of deja vu struck him as he breathed in and out slowly. He could feel the need to hide, to find some place safe so he could figure out his next move. Leaning against the bed for support, Jim moved over to the small closet on the other side of the room. He needed some clothes if he were to leave and he knew Bones took his uniform but Spock would have brought a spare set.

Opening the small door, Jim grinned, Spock had let a pair of jeans and a shirt, the last outfit he'd worn on shore leave. Reaching for the clothes, Jim sighed as he put them on, grateful for the fele of something familiar, something his own. He looked around for his shoes, frowning when he didn't find them. Sighing in frustration, Jim gave up his search and headed to the door. Once he'd made it out of sick bay and to his quarters, he would be fine. He could comm Selek, talk to him about what had happened, then wait for Spock...if he showed up. Jim paused in front of the door, his head dropping slightly as he glanced behind him. Spock had said he'd be back, he'd told him he would return and Vulcan's don't lie. Jim chuckled darkly, he knew better than anyone that wasn't entirely true. Shaking his head, he turned to the door and waited as it hissed open softly. Jim leaned through the doorway, listening for any signs that Bones or any of the nurses were nearby. Stepping out of the room, he slowly made his way towards McCoy's office, listening for any signs of someone having seen him.

When he turned the corner, Jim was surprised to see Spock standing in McCoy's office. Both men seemed upset, which wouldn't be unusual if Spock had not just told Jim that he was meeting Uhura. Frowning, Jim moved closer, curious about what was being said between the two.

_“You can't expect me to accept that as a valid explanation, Spock. If he asks me what's going on, I'm supposed to pretend...”_

_“You would not be pretending, doctor. I am merely asking for the time to help the Captain figure out what is going on.”_

_“How in the hell are you going to help him figure this out and you can't very well figure out how_ you _feel about_ him _?!”_

Jim held his breath, waiting for the answer to McCoy's question. When it came Jim was stunned stiff, surprise and pleasure both warring for dominance.

_“I owe him not only my life but the life of my father and those who made it off of Vulcan. Despite my initial judgment, Jim Kirk has shown that he is more than worthy of the respect due him. He has also become someone I trust, someone I would willingly protect, even if it means at the expense of my own life.”_

_“Christ, you really are in love with him, aren't you?”_

Jim didn't want to hear the answer, he already knew it. He'd seen it in the meld, had been having dreams about it, but this isn't how he wanted to hear it. Not in sick bay and not with anyone else around. Backing away from McCoy's office, Jim headed towards the double doors. He was almost out without being seen until someone from behind called out to him.

“Captain, everything alright?”

Turning, Jim froze when his gaze met Spock's dark one. Jim watched as Spock turned to face him fully, confusion in his eyes. Glancing over at the nurse who called out to him, Jim sighed. “No, Ensign Davies, I'm not a fan of sick bay and decided I'd rather be anywhere else but here. Now if you'd be a doll and distract Dr. McCoy and Commander Spock, I'd greatly appreciate it.” Jim looked away from the Ensign and back towards McCoy's office. “Fuck.” Jim muttered. He could see both men watching him, one dark gaze narrowed in anger, the other shuddered and blank.

“What, ah, w-what should I do, Captain?”

Jim turned back to the doors, moving faster than he probably should, he shrugged. “Right now Ensign, I don't really much care. Just give me a chance to make it to the turbolift.” He muttered as the doors hissed open, stepping through, Jim took a deep breath and stiffened when Spock called his name.

“Jim?”

He didn't look back, his heart racing as he took off down the corridor, jumping into the first lift he found open, he looked back once. Groaning as the doors closed, Jim breathed deep to calm down his heart. He couldn't be around Spock right now, not after what he'd just heard. “Deck sixteen.” Jim ordered the lift to the officer's living quarters. He would contact Selek and find out what the hell was going on, then he would focus on what he was feeling for Spock, face the real nature of their relationship and go from there. He could do this, he could figure this out as long as he had some idea of what was going on. “Computer, open a link to New Vulcan, priority one on my private channel.”

_“Link open.”_

Jim closed his eyes as he waited for the call to be answered. Leaning against the wall, he sighed as he thought about what he would say to his friend.

_“Hello, old friend, are you well?”_

Jim grinned as he opened his eyes and looked into a pair of warm brown ones. Much like Spock's but different, warmer, filled with a knowledge that Spock's did not contain. “Hey, old man, how's it going?” Jim chuckled weakly as he slowly eased into a sitting position, his head angled back as he looked up at the screen. “And I don't know how I'm doing. Something's going on and it has Spock and Bones worried.” He watched as the face above him creased in concern.

_“What has been troubling you, Jim? If it is something I can assist you with then I am more than willing.”_

Jim pushed himself up off of the floor as the lift stopped. “Hang on, let me get back to my quarters. Give me a few?” Jim watched as Selek smiled at him, the weathered face losing some of the years.

_“Take all the time you need, Jim, I will always wait for you.”_

Jim chuckled, “It won't be long, promise.” Jim said softly. He smiled at the face in front of him. He wasn't sure why but Selek made him feel comfortable, safe where as Spock made him feel wild, free to be him. “I just, I need your help. Not that Spock probably can't do it but...” Jim could feel his face heating and his stomach clench as he thought back to their meld.

_“You do not wish to share everything with him just yet?”_

Sighing, Jim shook his head, “I'll explain in a few, ok? Don't, uh, don't go anywhere?” He could feel a warm fondness move through him at Selek's small chuckle.

_“As I have said before, Jim, I will always wait for you.”_

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

Spock stood looking at the floor of McCoy's office, Jim had boarded the lift before he could reach him. The look on his face...had Jim overheard the conversation between himself and Dr. McCoy? Glancing at the scowling man in front of him, Spock held back a sigh. He wanted to go find Jim, to find out why he'd decided to leave instead of...

“Damnit Spock! If you're going to ignore me too, why don't you just leave?”

Spock blinked as his gaze focused on an angry Leonard McCoy. “My apologies doctor, I was going over something...important.” Spock didn't feel the need to tell McCoy his thoughts had been on Jim, not if his earlier questions had meant anything. “If there is nothing else,..”

“There is a whole lot else, you green blooded hobgoblin! Just what the hell is going on between you two? Jim's my best friend and he's been through more than you know so if you're playin' games...”

Spock cut off McCoy's rant with a sharp look. “There is no reason to lecture me on what the Captain has and has not been through, doctor.” Spock could feel his anger burning just under his skin. Fueled by jealousy, Spock took a step closer to McCoy's desk. “I am not playing any games with him nor do I feel the need to explain what is or is not between myself and the Captain.” Spock's tone was sharp and matter of fact, he could see the surprise in McCoy's eyes as he struggled to control his anger. “If you will excuse me doctor, there is something I must attend to before I find the Captain.” Spock turned and left the office, his steps taking him through sick bay and out the doors into the corridor. Taking a deep breath, Spock closed his eyes and tried to control his thoughts. Where was Jim, why had he left sick bay without him? Letting out a small sound of frustration, Spock opened his eyes as he turned towards the turbolift, he was supposed to have met Nyota twenty-minutes ago but had gotten distracted by Jim's abrupt departure. He ordered the lift to the crew mess hall, if he were lucky he would be able to speak with her then begin his search for Jim.

When the lift stopped, he exited the small space and walked down the hall. His steps slow and measured. Spock paused in front of the doors to the crew mess hall. He knew he and Nyota would need to talk but it wouldn't happen right now. Right now his first concern was finding Jim and ascertaining that he was unharmed. Turning, Spock headed back towards the lift, waiting impatiently for it to arrive. Once the doors hissed open in front of him, he blinked in surprise. “Captain?”

Jim's head snapped up. “Hey, I, uh, I-I thought I'd find you down here.” He was shocked to find Spock standing in front of him. Looking behind him, Jim saw that the corridor was empty. “You're, uh, you're not eating?” He held the dark gaze in front of him. Tried to keep as calm as possible in the face of what he'd learned from Selek.

“I wished to be certain of your well being...Jim.” Spock hesitated on saying the name. The small thrill of pleasure as Jim's eyes lit up showed he'd made the right choice, however. “Have you eaten?”

“No, I, ummm, I was looking for you, I mean I know you have plans with Uhura...” Jim drifted off, hating the curl of jealousy spreading through his stomach. When Spock didn't move, Jim stepped back, his back hitting the wall and waited. He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until he'd released it once Spock had boarded the lift.

“I will explain the situation to Nyota once I have made certain that you have eaten and are resting comfortably.” Spock stepped through the lift doors, watching as Jim released a soft breath. He studied the man in front of him, taking in the light blue shirt and dark jeans. Looking at Jim's feet, he frowned. “Where are your shoes, Jim?”

Jim blinked as he looked down at his feet. “Oh, uh, I forgot them in my quarters?” He'd been so distracted by his earlier conversation with Selek, that he'd gotten dressed without his shoes. Looking back up at Spock, Jim grinned, “I was looking for you for a game later, uh, a-after I talked to Scotty about those upgrades.” Jim knew the reaction he'd get, watched Spock closely as he thought about what Jim suggested.

“I will accompany you as you go speak with Mr. Scott.” When Jim smiled, Spock tilted his head slightly to the left. “Would you not prefer to retrieve your shoes first?” He wasn't sure why but the thought of someone else seeing Jim in any state of undress bothered him. Even if it were something as minor as his lack of shoes. Spock watched as Jim's toes wiggled against the coarse carpet, fascinated at the fact that they were just as tan as Jim's hands.

“I used to do a lot of work outside back on the family farm. Mom always swore that I'd kill myself someday but...” Jim paused as he remembered that he'd already done that and thanks to Spock and Bones, he was miraculously alive. Looking up at Spock, he froze. “I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...”

“It is alright, Jim.” Spock interrupted the soft apology. They continued down to engineering, both aware of the other. Spock could feel the bright, blue eyes looking at him. Watching him in a way they never have before. When the lift stopped two decks before engineering, Spock was surprised to see Jim push away from the wall and exit the lift. “Capt...Jim.” He corrected himself at Jim's look. “Engineering is two decks down, this is the observation deck.”

Jim grinned, “I know, we usually don't discuss upgrades down there. Way to noisy and Scotty tends to shout louder than needed when drinking.” Jim walked down the corridor, aware of Spock following close behind. _He will follow you anywhere you lead him. Show him what it is you wish for him to know, he will give you the answers that you seek._ Jim sucked in a quick breath. He needed to know the truth, he needed to know just what the hell they had seen in the meld. What did it all mean and how are they supposed to deal with it? “Come on, Scotty and Pavel have the best ideas when it comes to these upgrades. I can pretty much learn anything I didn't know from those two.” He chuckled as he walked through the doors and into the large room used for the observation deck.

Spock looked around, the primary room was filled with a variety of plant life. The flowers were beautiful, some giving off a pleasant scent while others were for decoration. It was a rich blue and purple flower that had caught his attention, however. Moving closer, Spock watched as the colors changed to a reddish gold, the petals unfurling slowly.

“Don't get to close, that one's known to paralyze a person if you touch the petals. Not to sure I wanna know what it'll do to a Vulcan.” Jim said softly

Spock tried to push back the shiver that moved down his spine, Jim was standing behind him, closer than he normally would. Stepping back from the group of flowers, Spock turned to find a smiling Jim looking back at him. Nodding, he remained silent, afraid that his voice would betray how he was really feeling.

Jim took a deep breath then turned and headed back towards the second room of the observation deck. He was pretty sure Spock would forgive him for not being fully honest. As he walked down the softly lit path, he could hear the soft crunch of Spock's boots on the gravel. It was soothing, in an odd sort of way, to know that no matter what, Spock trusted him. As he walked into the back room, he grinned at the group in the far corner. He waved as Scotty motioned them over, looking back at Spock, Jim smiled as he turned back to the others. “Hope you're hungry, looks like Hikaru cooked.”

Spock nodded as he looked around at everyone in the group. Surprised to find Dr. McCoy deep in discussion with Mr. Sulu and Mr. Scott. Nodding in greeting to the trio, Spock followed Jim as he sat down on a bench across from Sulu and McCoy. “I am surprised to find you here, doctor.”

“Yeah well, Jimbo called and I answered.” McCoy said in a gruff voice.

“Hey guys, anything left to eat, I'm starving.” Jim asked reaching for a bowl in front of Scotty.

“You can have a burger and fries, just don't over do it.” McCoy looked at Jim with a fond expression. “No beer, Jim.”

“Come on Bones that's the best part of a burger and fries meal!” Jim grinned as he took a bite of his food.

“Aye laddie but how about a good stiff scotch fer ya'?” Scotty grinned as Jim's face lit up with pleasure. “Would you like ta' try some Mr. Spock?”

Spock nodded, watching as Jim gave a small nod of approval. He was surprised by the small curl of warmth that unfurled in his stomach. He should not crave such attention from Jim but he did and he basked in it selfishly on the inside, despite his blank facade. He took the small glass Scotty handed him and studied the amber liquid. “Fascinating.” He said softly.

Jim chuckled as he watched Spock. “What, the glass or the Scotch?” He took the shot glass McCoy handed him and downed the alcohol, relishing the slow warmth that spread through out his body. Gasping in pleasure, Jim grinned as his eyes drifted closed. “God, that felt good.”

Spock could feel his body tingling as he drank the dark liquid. “This is not something I have tried before. It is a rather unique drink.”

Scotty laughed as he turned to Sulu with a quick grin. “Here laddie, you need one along with the rest of us.” He frowned when he say the clear liquid sitting next to him. “Ach, Sulu tell me that isn't...”

“Pure, Wussian Vodka.” Chekov said with a voice full of pride. “It is the best ewer.” He grinned as he passed a cup to Spock and Jim.

Jim took the glass with a soft laugh. “We are going to be so hung over tomorrow.”

McCoy grinned as he watched his friend closely. “You aren't on duty for another 48 hours. Enjoy yourself a little, Jim.”

Jim looked down into his cup, he could feel Spock watching him, his surprise at McCoy's words made him pause in drinking his drink.

“Captain, is everything alright?” Spock asked softly. He did not want to alert the others to his concern, especially if it was unwarranted. When he looked at Jim, however, he wasn't sure if that was the case.

“Walk with me?” Jim asked softly. He stood up, holding his cup between his hands. “We need to talk.” He looked around the group, aware that they were all doing there best not to watch the interaction between Spock and himself. Glancing over at Spock, Jim turned and headed towards the back of the observation deck, disappearing behind a group of plants. His stomach fluttered as he heard the soft crunch of the path behind him. _He will follow you any where you go, ask and he will do._ Jim tried to control his breathing, having come this far to test his theory, he couldn't back out now.

He stopped when he reached the center of the solarium. A small table and chairs grouping had been set up for more private and intimate conversations. He didn't turn when Spock walked up behind him. He kept his back to him, knowing Spock would wait until he was addressed. “Tell me what happened today? What...” Jim broke off as the heat from the body behind him seemed closer than before. “What is it we saw in the meld.”

Spock wasn't sure how much he should explain. He wanted to tell Jim everything, from what they had seen and shared to what was unknown to them still. “It would seem that we share a set of memories that neither of us knew about. I am unsure as to the nature of them or how we are in possession of them.”

“They're not Selek's, his Jim Kirk had hazel eyes.” Jim sat down, looking up at Spock, he waited until he was seated as well. “W-when I told you I would contact Selek to help, you, uh, you seemed...adamant...that I don't.” Jim took a sip from his glass and gasped. Looking down quickly, he felt his eyes filling with tears as he chuckled hoarsely. “Fuck this shit burns, must be pure grain.” He looked back up at Spock and grinned. “We need to make sure we confiscate this or I'll have a crew drunk off their asses.”

Spock nodded, his dark gaze fixed on Jim. He was flushed from the alcohol, his cheeks colored a dusky rose and his lips were parted as he took small breaths. Taking a sip from his own glass, he blinked in surprise at the sharp burn that passed down his throat. “This is...” He paused, searching for the right word until Jim laughed lightly.

“It's good is what it is. Now stop stalling, tell me why you didn't want me to go to Selek?” Jim watched Spock closely. Selek had told him that despite Spock's mixed heritage, it was possible for him to get drunk. The fact that Spock never did was also revealed in their conversation.

_It works on us faster than it would you, Ashaya. It pushes back inhibitions, makes us more willing to be open but still remain cautious._

_So, I have to get him drunk in order to get the full truth from him?_

_He will give you the truth or as much as he deems you need to know._

_I need to know everything, I mean christ, I'm having dreams of us...a-and I need to...I just need him to confirm or deny what I felt from him today, that's all._

_Ask and he will do all in his power to obey. You are our greatest weakness, Jim Kirk and our greatest strength._

Spock struggled to hold back the jealousy that spiked through him. “I do not wish for him to have to worry with something he can not assist with directly. It is more than logical that I assist you, being that I am the one here with you.” Spock looked at the man across from him. The space around them suddenly seemed charged, the energy making the hair on his arms stand up. “I do not wish for him to know of such intimate things between us.” Spock said softly, his stomach fluttering with the soft admission.

Jim blinked in surprise. “He's your counterpart, Spock, he could help.” Jim could understand not wanting to share what they'd seen. Especially when it was so very new to them as well. Shaking his head, Jim continued to sip from his cup, watching as Spock matched him. “We'll be drunk by the end of the night, you know that right?”

“It does not affect me as it does you, Jim.” Spock could feel the heat of the alcohol burning through his system. He held the bright blue gaze in front of him, resisting the shiver that threatened to run down his spine at Jim's look. He purposely ignored Jim's statement about his counterpart being able to help. “The meld...”Spock started but was stopped by a soft sound behind him. Turning he looked up to see Nyota standing there. Her gaze wide with surprise and something else, something Spock had seen before but could never quite figure out.

“I should have known you would be here with him.” Nyota looked between Jim and Spock. She sighed softly, a small smile curving her lips as she turned back to Spock. “You stay with him, ok? Don't let anything else happen to him, despite his annoying ways, we need our Captain.”

Jim let out an indignant snort as he looked up at Uhura. “Gee thanks, I guess?” He chuckled ruefully, aware that he was witnessing the break up of two of his officers. “Maybe, uh, maybe I should go, you two obviously have somethings to talk about.”

Spock looked over at Jim, his mind fuzzy from the alcohol. He frowned at Jim's suggestion but knew he needed to talk to Nyota before pursuing anything further with Jim. “I will find you later to finish our conversation, Jim.” He said in a hushed voice, watching as Jim's flush darkened. He could feel the reaction go straight through him, making him hard with want.

Jim nodded, glancing back over at Uhura he sighed. “I'll be in my quarters.” He stood up, leaving his glass on the table and heading back the way he'd come. He had been so close to getting an answer from Spock and then Uhura had shown up...

“Hey, hey where ya' goin' Jimbo?”

Jim blinked, surprised to have found his way back to his circle of friends. “I was, uh, headed to my quarters.” He looked around the group and frowned. “Anything else left to eat?”

McCoy and Sulu chuckled. “Here Jim, you can have the last burger.”

“Thanks Bones, god I'm starving and I can't figure out why.” Jim bit into the sandwich, groaning as he chewed. “We need to do this more often.”

Scotty chuckled, “Ifn you can get Mr. Spock to come out again, it would be my pleasure, Jimmy.”

Jim grinned, “I'll see what I can do.” He could see Spock walking back towards the group...alone. The flutter of anticipation that filled his stomach made him finish his burger and reach for another glass. Glancing over at McCoy, he sighed at the angry glower on his friends face. Chuckling softly, Jim reached for a glass of juice, jerking when Spock sat down next to him. He looked over into wide chocolate brown eyes and paused. “Spock?”

“We will speak of it later.” Spock said softly. His head was swimming as he looked at Jim. He extended his hand, holding out Jim's forgotten glass. “You left this behind, Jim.”

Jim looked down at the glass, surprised to see Spock return it to him. Taking the cup, Jim glanced down at the clear liquid then drank the rest in one gulp. Blinking at the burn of the alcohol, Jim gasped, looking between his friends with a crooked grin,

“Damnit Jim, what the ever living hell is wrong with you?! Why would you drin...” McCoy started in an angry voice.

Jim grinned as tears filled his eyes. “It was good either way.” Jim gave him a lopsided grin as McCoy continued to scowl at him.

“You're such an ass at times.” He grumbled, glaring at Jim then Spock. “And you,” He pointed at Spock. “You did _not_ have to bring him that damn glass. It could have stayed where it was until...”

“I did not wish for the Capt...” Spock broke off at the soft sound from Jim. “For, Jim, not to enjoy the rest of his beverage.” Spock looked at the doctor with wide, hazy eyes. He could feel his heart racing as he shifted closer to Jim. Turning, he watched him taking in the red cheeks, slightly parted lips, and wide glassy eyes. He wanted to lean over and...

“Spock! Damnit man, I thought you couldn't get drunk off of alcohol? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Spock frowned as he looked over at McCoy. “Forgive me, doctor, it has been a rather long day.” He looked down at the glass in his hand, wondering exactly what was in it. He'd never been affected by alcohol before but now, however the clear liquid before him seemed to be doing just that. He started when Jim touched his arm, a soft touch but one that left his skin tingling.

“Hey, maybe you should get some rest?” Jim frowned as he looked at Spock closely. He could see the flush high on his cheeks, the slightly unfocused eyes and wondered if maybe Spock was reacting badly to the vodka. “You're all flushed a-and it's making me nervous.” Jim said softly. He started when he felt the soft brush of Spock's fingers over his. The sudden tingling warmth that spread from the small contact had him wanting more. Glancing around at the other's, Jim struggled to hide his reaction. “That's a dangerous game you're playing, Mr. Spock.”

Spock felt the sharp sting of desire spread from his fingers, all the way up his arm and through out his body. He fought the urge to shift closer, to reach over and brush his fingers over Jim's again. If for no other reason than because he knew Jim would not stop him. He lifted his gaze to Jim's, his breath catching as he looked into wide cerulean blue. _As blue as the ocean's on Earth._ Spock couldn't help the thought nor the start of surprise when he heard Jim's soft laughter in his head. Blinking in surprise, he watched as Jim's eyes widened and his mouth formed a small _o_.

“We need to talk, right now.” Jim stood up as fast as his shaky legs would allow. He had heard Spock's thought's about his eyes. Had been surprised when Spock seemed to have heard his silent laugh as well. Turning to his friends, Jim told them he'd catch up with them later. When all jokes, concerns, and agendas had been discussed, Jim glanced over at a silently waiting Spock. “Ready?”

“After you, Jim.” Spock spoke softly, hoping Jim didn't notice how gruff his voice sounded. He followed Jim back in the direction they had taken earlier in the evening. Spock let his thoughts drift back to his conversation with Jim back in sick bay. He had seen the one Jim had asked about, Lorne, had seen what they had done to Jim on the planet and he felt his anger spike. The feeling spilling hot and heady through his veins as he tried to remember that those things had not happened to _his_ Jim Kirk. Spock stopped short at the thought, Jim was his _Captain_ and one of his closest friends but he was not his...exclusively.

“Spock?” Jim looked up at the silent man next to him. “Are you, umm, is, uh, is everything ok?” He stopped in front of the turbo lift, giving him a small smile.

“Yes, Jim, just thinking about the days events.” Spock answered softly. He followed Jim into the lift and listened as he gave the deck number. He remained silent as he thought about what he'd seen in their meld. Was it possible, could both the meld and Nyota be right? Spock held in a sigh of confusion, his thoughts swimming in his head. He let his head drop down slowly as he tried to order his mind. He could feel the rich blue eyes watching him, hear the silent questions running through Jim's mind but he refused to look up. He needed to figure out what the images meant. Was Jim in danger and they were unaware of it? Would this...Lorne make an attempt to take Jim from the ship as he had seen in the meld?

“You know, if you would just ask the questions out loud, I wouldn't have to waste time asking you what it is your thinking.” Jim watched the slight rise and fall of Spock's chest, unconsciously matching his breathing with Spock's slow breaths. “I mean, I can help you know, especially since the images are in my head.”

Spock looked up at Jim, a frown curving his lips down. “I am concerned about the one known as Lorne. He seems to...” Spock scanned Jim's face, looking for any sign of discomfort. “He seems to, trouble you.”

“Yeah, well I don't really know. I mean you and Bones said Nilteva isn't dead and I'm still here on the ship. So I don't think he's going to be an issue, unless they decide to come after...wait Spock, what the...where the hell are you going?!” Jim jerked as the lift was stopped abruptly and Spock disembarked. “Spock?”

Spock moved down the corridor towards sickbay. He needed to reassure himself that Nilteva was indeed there and Jim was safe. Walking through the doors, Spock paused, looking around the wide space, turning to his left he made his way towards the small room where their prisoner was currently being held. Taking a deep breath, he raised his hand to put in his security code...until Jim's soft voice stopped him.

“Spock, what's going on?” Jim had followed Spock back to sickbay. He looked around them, trying to figure out why it was so important that Spock get back here to sickbay.

“I must make sure you are no longer in danger. If the memories you retain have already passed there is nothing to prove that something close to it would not happen here.” Spock turned back to the door, he knew he probably sounded irrational to Jim but he had seen his reaction to Jim's kidnapping. Had felt the hot wave of rage that slipped over him, clouding his mind to everything but the desire to reclaim what had been taken from him. “After everything we have experienced in our missions...”

“It's better safe than sorry.” Jim finished. He nodded as Spock looked back at him. “I'll wait here, I don't think you need me in there to help piss you off.”

Spock wanted to refuse, the image of Jim being taken from sickbay flashed through his head. “Jim...” He frowned, not wanting to leave Jim alone.

“I'll be fine, go do whatever it is you need to do so we can get out of here, ok?” Jim looked around the solemn area. He hated sickbay, largely because it held no fond memories for him. Focusing on Spock, he took a small breath, shaking off the uneasy feeling chasing along his nerves. “Hurry up,” Jim looked down at his feet. “I forgot my shoes.” He looked up with a small smile, feeling his face heat at the look Spock gave him.

Spock looked down at the pink toes, watched in fascination as Jim wiggled them against the floor. “I will return for thee, Ashaya.” Spock said softly. He looked up at Jim, his gaze moving over him slowly. Sucking in a quick breath, Spock turned, entered his code and walked into the room. All he needed now was to verify whether Nilteva was dead...or alive.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's a hint to help ease the confusion...The eyes have it ;)

“You should not be here with him, Son of Sarek. He will only bring you heartache.”

Spock's dark gaze narrowed on the pale man in front of him. His skin had gone from snow white to almost translucent. “He is not your concern.” Spock watched the man move from the chair to the far wall. “Why do you see him as a threat, what has James Kirk done for you to wish him harm.”

“He will not be T'hy'la, we will deny you both the right.” Nilteva looked at Spock with flat, impassive eyes.

Spock stiffened as his gaze narrowed on the man in front of you. “You can not be sure he is...”

“I have seen who he is to you, I know what you and he are capable of together. He will not be allowed to succeed. In order for one to live one must die.”

Spock growled low in his throat, his stance taking on a predatory edge. “I will not allow another to take him from me again.” His mind flashed back to seeing Jim behind the glass. His eyes red rimmed and vacant, the usually grinning lips were pale blue and stiff.

_I have to...have to tell you why I came back for you._

_Because you are my friend..._

Spock had watched as a pale, blue veined hand had pressed against the glass, Jim's fingers forming the Ta'al. Spock had been surprised, unaware that Jim had known the proper way. He could remember the rage he'd felt when he'd finally reached and felt the pull between them only to have lost it. Jim's hand had gone limp, his eyes empty, and his face still. He had lost him to Khan's machinations, he would not lose him to another's selfish desire for control. “You can not have Jim Kirk.”

“It is already to late.” Nilteva looked at Spock with impassive eyes. His expression grim as he seemed to think about his next words. “He will not be allowed to form a bond with someone of your intelligence, he is not...” He broke off at the sound of a loud thud against the door. “They are here...” He whispered softly.

Spock stiffened, turning to the door behind him. He punched in his code and waited for it to slide open. When nothing happened, he tried again, reining in his anger as he received the same response. Glancing back at the man behind him, Spock turned back to the door at the sound of a thump and Jim's voice. “Jim?”

“Spock!” Jim panted as his back hit the door. He struggled against the blood red hand around his throat, trying to pry the long, thin fingers far enough away so he could breath. “Who the fuck are you?” He wheezed as he glared defiantly at the man in front of him, refusing to show his fear in the face of this hostile stranger. “W-what do you want?”

“We want _you_ , James Tiberious Kirk.” The dark voice drawled lazily.

Jim tried to focus, to take small, short breaths but he was beginning to get light headed and his vision was blurring. “What do you want from me?” Jim gasped harshly. He glared with as much anger as possible at the red faced man before him. The bright white hair and bright golden eyes gave him a predatory look with his skin. “Who are you?”

“I am Thelios of Janjira Prime. James Kirk, you must not live if the other is to survive.”

Jim felt his breath stutter as the mans words hit him. “I'm not going to die on my own ship.” He felt a shiver slid down his spine at the man's cruel smile. He felt a hard thump at his back and a sliver of relief fluttered through his stomach.

“He can not save you, Kirk, this has already been predestined. You nor he can escape...”

“Drop him or I swear I'll make sure there isn't enough of you to send back to where ever the hell you came from.”

Jim turned heavy eyes towards the sound of the new voice. “H-hikaru...”

“I said put him down!” Sulu glared at the man holding Jim against the medbay door. “Now or so help me...” He watched as the hand around Jim's throat loosened and he dropped to the floor with a loud _thump._ “Jim, you ok?” Sulu. glanced down at his friend, a phaser pressed to the back of the red headed alien

“I'm ok, Hikaru, we have to...” Jim said hoarsely, breaking off at the sound of a struggle behind him. Turning sluggishly, Jim blinked to bring his gaze back into focus. “C-call security, get him out of here, we have to get Spock.” Jim eased carefully to his feet, fighting back a wave of dizziness. “Bones is so gonna be pissed.” He muttered hoarsely. He looked up as the security team raced in, phasers already out and waiting.

“Giotto, take him to the brig for attacking the Captain, make sure he's under heavy guard.” Sulu turned back to Jim. “Hey, hey Jim wait, you...” He froze at the sounds of a fight in the med room. “Christ, what the hell was that?”

Jim looked at the control panel. “Spock is in there with Nilteva, he wanted to talk to him about something.” Jim murmured absently. He studied the panel, trying to figure out the device over the lock. “We need to get this off or find some way to cut the door open.”

“You are _not_ cutting holes in my door!”

Jim ignored the angry voice as he moved to the window in the door. “Spock! Spock answer me!” Jim couldn't see anything in the semi-dark room. “Computer, Captain's override, Alpha Omega Alpha one two two one.”

_“Override no longer valid.”_

Jim's gaze jerked to Sulu, “What the hell? Get Scotty...”

_Jim..._

Jim blinked as a gasp of pain was ripped out of him. “Christ...”

_Ashaya, help me...please_

“Sulu, get the torch, we're cutting our way...” Jim was cut off again by Bones' angry voice.

“You are not cutting holes in my damn door, Jim! What the hell...”

“They have Spock in there! He's hurt o-or worse but I have to get him out, ok?” Jim's tone was hard but his gaze pleaded with his friend to understand. “Bones, please...” He was interrupted as something was slammed into the door again. Turning. Jim punched the door as hard as he could. “Spock!” He heard a muffled grunt then silence. “Spock?”

He stepped back from the door when the locks clicked and it slowly slid open. Looking back at his friends, Jim turned a wary gaze towards the silent room in front of him. Looking around the semi dark space, Jim frowned, the hair on the back of his neck raising in trepidation. Moving forward slowly, he shrugged off the hand on his shoulder. “Spock, you in here?” He jumped when McCoy called for lights and the room was lit up with a soft glow. He stopped at the sight of green and orange splashes on the walls and floor in front of him, turning Jim looked around the room.

“Just what the hell happened in here?!” McCoy looked around at the wrecked room. He frowned when he spotted someone moving in the far corner behind a small table. “Who is that?”

Jim's head turned in the direction McCoy indicated. He walked over to the table and moved it out of the way, his expression turning from worry to anger. “Where is he?”

Nilteva looked up at Jim with pale, golden eyes. “You will never be Ashayam to him. One must die for the other to live.”

Jim glared at the man, his vision turning red with his rage. “You're just like him, _Thelios,_ you two were a distraction, to see which one of us you could get to first.”

Nilteva let out a watery laugh, orange blood slipping out of the corner of his mouth. “You are beginning to see. As I told him, James, Son of George, you will not have him.”

Jim bit back a curl of rage as the man smiled up at him, seemingly aware of his thoughts and feelings. “You underestimate me if you think I will simply let you or one of your asshole friends take him from me. I will see you all in hell first.” He snarled, leaning down into the pale face before him. “ _You_ can't have him.”

“It is to late, Kirk, we have already taken him from you.” Nilteva gasped, he blinked once, then let out a strangled, gurgling sound.

Jim frowned, looking around the room again. “There's no fucking way in or out of here without going through...”

_“Security to Captain Kirk! Captain come in, please!”_

Jim glanced over at Sulu then moved to the comm unit on the wall. “Kirk here, talk to me Giotto.”

_“Sir, we have intruders in cargo bay one! They are holding Mr. Spock hostage and refuse to speak to anyone but you, sir!”_

Jim stiffened, glancing over at the dead man laying a few feet from him he sucked in a quick breath. “Tell them I'm on my way. Nothing and I mean nothing better happen to my first officer, understood?”

_“Understood Captain, Giotto out.”_

Jim turned to Sulu and McCoy. “I need to go, if they get off the ship with Spock...”

“I'll take care of things here, you two get out of here.” McCoy waved Jim and Sulu off, when neither moved he gave them a hard look. “Move, both of you we don't have the time...” He broke off as Jim turned and ran from the room, yelling for Sulu to follow. “Bout time he finally got his head out his ass.” He grunted as he turned back to the room he'd been left in, wondering again just what the hell happened..

Jim and Sulu raced down the corridor, moving through the throng of people as best as possible. “We need to find a way to get him back with out anyone getting hurt.”

Sulu waited until they boarded the turbo lift before responding. “Jim, what if we can't get them to release him?”

“Then we will find a way to convince them, they do _not_ get to leave this ship with Spock.” Jim felt his jaw clench as he thought about what could happen. They were supposed to have been talking, trying to figure out what was going on between them. Instead they were now in the middle of a hostage crisis with Spock being the hostage.

“Jim, what, ummm, what did Nilteva mean by _he won't be A-ashyam_?” Sulu stumbled over the last word, the pronunciation off due to his effort.

“It's Vulcan, basically he's saying Spock won't live to be my boyfriend.” Jim glanced over at his friend then exited the lift as it stopped on the designated floor.

“Captain!”

Jim turned as Giotto and two other men armed with phasers approached. “Status Lt. Giotto.” He took the proffered weapon as his head of security filled him in.

Frank Giotto was a tall, stocky man who didn't scare easily. A good and trustworthy man, willing to lay his life on the line for those he served. It was part of the reason Jim had wanted him as his head of security, despite the bar fight upon their initial meeting. “How is my first officer?”

“He was unconscious as far as I could tell but they don't really seem to be in a hurry, just demanded to talk to you or they would kill the Commander.”

Jim nodded, looking down he set his phaser to stun then headed towards the cargo bay doors. He waited as the door slid open, cautiously walking into the room. He waited until his eyes had adjusted to the semi dark room before moving forward. “Spread out, I want eyes on every possible exit. They do not get to leave here with Spock.”

The group nodded, their faces impassive and resolute. Jim turned and led them back into the cargo bay, Sulu and Giotto close behind him. “To your left Captain, there are two and the Commander is with someone on the right. This one doesn't look like the others though, he's taller, his hair more of a orange color?” Giotto frowned as they eased past the first group of intruders. “His skin isn't red either, it's solid white almost like the one in sick bay.”

Jim nodded, his gaze fixed on the dark headed man in front of them. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, all he knew was that they couldn't have Spock. “We need to split up, see if we can...”

“Ahhh, are you here with us now, Captain? Does the desire to protect him race through you? Are you ready to listen to us _now?!_ ”

Jim flinched at the voice, surprised by the anger in the tone. “Who are you and what do you want? Taking my first officer will gain you...” Jim started but was cut off.

“It will gain us everything we want. You will do _anything_ for him and he for you. So please, spare us the attempt at negotiation and come out where we can see you.”

Jim glanced around the stack of crates they were behind. He started when Sulu placed his hand on Jim's shoulder, squeezing tightly in warning.

“Spock won't like it if you get yourself captured or killed, Jim.” Sulu said softly.

“I can't let them take him Hikaru, not Spock. They can't have him.” Jim said stubbornly. He titled his head up, stood from his hiding place, then turned to meet Spock's abductors. “Let him go and we can talk about whatever it is you want.” He stared at the pale man in front of him. His gaze narrowed as he studied the man who held an unconscious Spock as if he weighed nothing. “What is it you want from me.” Voice hard, Jim stood stiffly in front of the pale man.

“It is not what _I_ want, Captain, it is what must be done.”

“Just what the hell does that even mean?! You're standing there holding my first officer like he weighs nothing!” Jim sucked in a harsh breath as his gaze moved over Spock. He saw the bloody, torn shirt and his fingers curled into his palms. His gaze narrowed on the face of the man in front of him. “You're just like him, Thelios, you and he...”

“Yes, he is as I was and I am as he will be.”

Jim blinked at the statement, his anger beginning to boil in his veins. “Stop with the fucking riddles and jokes, I've had enough of your vague statements. Tell me who are you and what the hell do you want!” He tried to push back the rage as he watched a pale hand move across Spock's chest.

“One must die if the other is to live.”

Jim moved forward, his voice hard as he stared at the other man. “Everyone keeps saying that but no one has told me what the actual fuck...” Jim broke off at the sound of a transporter. Eyes widening in surprise he watched as Spock and the man holding him started to dematerialize. “No...” He started harshly, his gaze focused on the pair in front of him, he missed the man coming at him from his right.

“Jim, look out!”

He turned at the sound of the warning but was knocked over by a man with the same red skin as Thelios. “You son of a...” He was cut off as a voice echoed around the room.

“I am Lorne of Janjira, Spock of Vulcan will be no more! One must die for the other to live!”

Jim drew back and punched the man next to him, struggling to get up and get to the disappearing pair. “Spock,...Spock... _Spock._ Wake up, damnit, please!” Jim reached for them, desperate to keep Spock on the ship but his hand came up empty. The platform in front of him, clear of anyone or anything. “Hikaru get the shipped turned around and headed back to Janjira, I want my first officer back.” He glanced at the men behind him, nodding as Giotto sent his attacker to the ground with a punch to the jaw. “We need to find out who the fuck he is as well as this Lorne person.” He felt a shiver race across his spine as he felt a curl of fear turn his stomach.

“We will get him back Jim, no matter what it takes.”

Jim nodded at the soft statement, his head swimming with anger. “They keep saying one must die for the other to live. Who are they talking about, what the fuck does that mean?” Jim looked at the raven headed man in front of him. “If they kill him, Hikaru...”

“We'll get to him before they do. Scotty if trying to find their ion trail, which shouldn't be to hard considering we're in space.” Sulu looked thoughtful as he followed Jim out of the cargo bay. “Do you remember that planet we were studying?”

Jim frowned, wondering where his friend was going with this conversation. “Yeah, the one Spock wanted to study, uh the twin planets in Xyrillieum System? Something about how they were alike but not.”

“Exactly, they weren't the third planets, Jim they were the _fifth_ , Janjira is the third _primary_ planet in that system.” Sulu said earnestly. He glanced at the lift doors as they opened and followed Jim into the cabin. When he turned to look at him, brow furrowed in confusion, Sulu sighed. “Spock said the two planets we'd seen earlier, they were like the third planet in that system. We hadn't _left_ the system yet.”

Jim blinked, his gaze jerking to Sulu's. “That man, uh, Lorne, h-he said that he was like Thelios and Thelios will soon be like him. If Lorne if from the darker planet...”

“It would explain why his skin is pale and not red like Thelios.” Sulu finished. “But how is that possible? We only saw one planet and everyone there had red skin, bright orange hair, and those gold colored eyes.”

“Except for Nilteva, he had the same skin color as Lorne, red hair but the same damn eyes.” Jim said softly. He pushed off the wall as the lift stopped on the bridge.

_“Captain on the bridge!”_

Jim waved everyone back to their seats, his lips curved down in a frown. “Status Mr. Chekov.”

“Mr. Scott has been able to trace their ion trail. They entered varp moments after beaming off of ze ship.” The young, curly headed man turned to face Jim. His expression grim and determined. “Ve vill get Mr. Spock back, Sir.”

Jim nodded, his expression blank as he looked at his bridge crew. “Ok guys, this takes priority over anything else. Uhura, no communication with anyone but Admiral Pike.” Jim turned to the silent woman behind him, waiting for her acknowledgment.

“Aye, Captain.”

He returned the nod she gave him then turned back to his navigator and helmsman. “Hikaru, do you have the information.”

“Aye, Sir and you're not going to like what I've found.” Sulu turned towards Jim, his lips curved down in a frown.”

“I haven't liked much of anything here in the past few minutes.” Jim shook his head, letting his chin drop to his chest.

_Spock, I'm coming for you..._

He wasn't sure if the thought got through but he sent it anyway. Their connection still buzzed in his head, half of...something...something important to them both but for the life of him...

“Jim damnit if you're going to start zoning out like Spock then...”

Jim jerked at the angry voice, his head snapping up as he looked up into the angry face of his best friend. “They took him from me, Bones.”

“And we'll get him back but I need you to come down to sick bay. This is something you need to see for yourself.” McCoy looked Jim over quickly, a worried frown curving his lips down further than usual. “You didn't get any rest, did you.”

“Of course not, we left the Observation deck and ended up in sick bay where this whole fucking mess started!” Jim threw his hands up in frustrated anger as they headed to the turbo lift. “Sulu you have the bridge! Let me know once we've reached Janjira Prime.” Jim stopped in front of the open lift doors and looked over at Uhura. “Nyota, get Pike on the comm, we deserve to know just why the fuck no one told us this system had more than one planet with more than one race.” Jim gave her a glance filled with more information than words could convey.

“Yes, Captain, I'll send his response down to sick bay immediately.” Nyota watched as Jim and McCoy boarded the turbo lift. “Jim?” She stopped him before the doors closed, moving to stand in front of the doors. “You will get him back, won't you?”

Jim gave her a determined look before the doors closed. “No matter what it takes, I'll get him back or die trying.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

“Chris, are you telling me that I can't go after my first officer?” Jim glared at the view screen in front of him, his body vibrating with rage. They were standing in McCoy's office after Uhura had been able to reach Starfleet Command. “No wait, it sounds like I'm being _ordered_ to leave Mr. Spock to the whims of these psychopaths!”

_“Watch your tone Jim, I fought as hard as I could to get them to change their minds and they still said no! Short of the Ambassador himself showing up, there isn't anything else I can do!”_

Jim turned away from the viewer with a snarl of rage. “I'm not letting them have him, Chris. Not Spock, they can't take him from me.”

_“Listen Jim, I understand how attached you are to him. Trust me, with him being your first officer and after everything you two have been through...”_

“It's not that Chris. Seriously, it's so much more than him just being my first officer. You have to get them to let me go after Spock, please. Chris I have to get him back!” Jim looked at the screen, aware of how open and unguarded he now was. “Please, anything you ask I'll do it just...I have to get him back.”

_“I'll try, if you can reach either of the Ambassador's before I do then see if they can help as well.”_

Jim nodded, letting out a rough sigh. “I'll see if I can reach one of them, they're going to want...”

_“Captain you have an incoming transmission from New Vulcan, priority marked Urgent.”_

Jim looked up with a frown. “Looks like they've decided to call me first.” Looking back at the view screen, he gave Chris a sardonic smile. “Comm me later?”

_“Yeah and let me know what they can do to help.”_

Jim nodded as the screen went black and another image appeared. His eyes burned at the image of the man in front of him. He looked so much like his own Spock but older, wiser, more emotional. “I tried to save him...”

_“And you will, Jim do not underestimate yourself. He, as do I, have faith in you.”_

“You both put to much faith in me, old man, I'm not your Jim Kirk. I tend to fuck up everything...” Jim frowned, breaking off as he looked away from Selek. “We were going to talk, finally but he wanted to make sure that I was safe from these people. That what we saw in the meld wasn't going to happen but it happened, just to him.”

_“The Janjirian you met, what did they look like?”_

Glancing up at the man standing in the doorway, Jim motioned him forward. “One was tall, broad shouldered with red skin and orange hair the other was pale, almost ice white with blood red hair.” He glanced up at McCoy with a frown then looked back at the view screen. “They both had gold eyes. The one who took Spock, his name was Lorne, he, uh, he was the one with the red hair. He and the other's kept saying that one must die for the other to live. I have no fucking idea what that means and then Lorne leaves with Spock shouting some shit about Thelios, saying _he is as I was and I am as he will be_. Whatever the fuck that means as well.”

_“The meld, what did it show pertaining to these people.”_

Jim frowned, going back over everything he'd seen. Glancing at McCoy, his frown deepened. “I was shot at, brought back to the ship, infected, kidnapped, attacked, and...” Jim broke off, his face heating as the rest came back. He didn't want to share that with Spock's counterpart. It was far to intimate a thing to discuss openly but if it would help bring Spock back... “We, uh, w-we bonded, some how I don't know but the memories. The, uh, the time frame, it was weeks I think or maybe longer?” He could feel his temper spiking as he tried not to think about what happened to him but not him. “They'll torture him or kill him. They kept saying for one to live the other must die.”

_“This system, it is a mirror system? How is this possible?”_

“I don't fucking know old man but I need you and Ambassador Sarek to talk to Starfleet command. Convince them that it would be in their best interests to let me go after Spock. They've got Chris jumping through hoops like he's a show pony. I need you two to put some pressure on them, please Selek, I have to be able to go after him, I have to get him back!” Jim looked at Selek, desperate to get him to understand how he felt. “There is no way for me to do this without him, not anymore. I don't know how to.”

_“I will speak with our father, he must be made aware of these developments. You will keep me informed of anything you find after this?”_

“Of course, you know I will. We're about an hour behind them now, do you know if there's anyone we can get into contact with that can help? There's at least three other planets in this system and we only found life signs on two of those, well I guess six since it's a mirror system? Fuck, I can't...” He rubbed his temples as a headache started to form behind his eyes.

“Here, take this, you need to calm down before you bust a blood vessel.”

Jim looked up from the glass in front of him to see a worried McCoy frowning at him. “Thanks Bones.” Turning back to Selek, he sighed. “This is driving me crazy. I bet your Jim Kirk never went against regulation.” When Selek gave him an amused grin, Jim watched him closely. “Wait, don't tell me that he broke regulations. Are you kidding me! Your Jim Kirk was a bad ass too?”

_“I would not say that but he did have his share of disagreements with his commanding officers.”_

Jim grinned, taking a drink from the glass beside him. “Ok, well let me know what you can do, I need to be able to get him back by any means necessary.”

_“If you and he are one, you are a Vulcan citizen, it would be under our jurisdiction as to whether you would be able to go after Spock or not. However, Starfleet may use the fact that you are both on active duty, stating that the use of their flagship would be...unacceptable.”_

“Doesn't matter, I'm going to get him back with or without their fucking permission. _He belongs to me, not them_.” Jim felt his stomach twist as he thought about what Spock could be going through. Looking down at the desk, he felt his shoulders drop. “I can't hear him anymore, Selek, I can't...” He broke off as he looked up at the screen. “I used to be able to hear a-a thought or some feeling but now it's just. It's like there's nothing there now, it's silent and it's really bothering me.”

_“Yet you have not had no other physical contact other than the fight.”_

“No, we uh, we don't spend our time doing _that_ , exactly, I mean, we just realized that was an option for us.” Jim could feel his face heating at McCoy's soft snort. “We usually play chess o-or we just talk about the days events. I usually end up falling asleep on the couch but end up in bed.” At Selek's frown, Jim pulled the chair over and sat down. “What is it, you're frowning and neither of you do that unless I've said something wrong.”

_“It would seem that a connection between you two has already been established. I will speak with our father, we will speak to Christopher after we have come to a decision. Live long and prosper, Jim.”_

Jim nodded, raising his hand in the ta'al, he repeated the statement, watching as the screen went black. He looked up at McCoy's soft huff, frowning at the dark expression. “Ok, look, it's not like you would have understood. You would have sworn I was losing my mind and that I needed to talk to someone.”

“You still could have told me, I would have tried to understand, I can't say I would but making the effort is better than nothing.” McCoy responded gruffly. “Anyway, what did Chris have to say?”

“They won't let us go after him, we're to report to Starbase 28 for an engine refit.” Jim said in anger.

“Well, since we're already having problems with them, looks like we'll be a minute getting there.”

Looking up at the playful tone, Jim frowned. “I'm serious Bones, I can't leave him out here in this shit hole of a system.” Jim dropped his head onto his hands, groaning in frustration. “The memories, they were real. We lost two people, it was days before you guys found us. They tortured Sulu and Giotto but could never get to Spock. They used me, out of curiosity, one of them raped me Bones. It was worse than Tarsus, I-I could feel and hear him but I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move or fight back, it was like I was being held down but I could hear Spock in my head. He kept saying I wasn't alone, not to focus on the outside to look in.”

“Selek said something about a connection, can't you use that to find Spock? I mean, isn't that how the telepathic links work?” McCoy frowned as he studied Jim, concern clear in his warm amber eyes.

“Yeah, well some how they're blocking it I think, so I can't really hear anything from him. He's not to far from us, I can tell he's not, uh, h-he's still alive.” Jim said softly. If he could hear Spock, then would that mean he'd feel whatever they did to him? “Spock felt everything they did to me and never told anyone.” Looking up at McCoy's hiss of breath, he sighed. “I don't know, I can only tell you what the memories showed us.”

“Well, let's focus on where to go from here, the first time you feel something let me know. We'll need to get hold of Selek and let him know as well, as long as you two have this connection he's the best we have in understanding it.” McCoy sighed as he sank back into his couch. “You can stay with me until we can figure out what the hell is going on.” At Jim's frown, he scowled, the look turning his features dark. “Look, I know it's not what you want to do but...”

“I'm staying in my own room and sleeping in my own bed. There is no way I'm going to let them run me from my own room, Bones.” Jim sat back with a huff, his tone flat in his defiance.

“Now you listen to me, Jim. I don't care about how strong you are or how well you can protect yourself. This is about the safety of this ship, that comes first and we both know it. If these morons try to get to you they will try it when you're alone.”

Jim sighed, letting it out in a harsh breath. “I can't think like that Bones. If I stay with you that's putting you at risk too and that's no good either.” Looking at his friend, he gave him a tired smile. “Look, we'll just post guards outside my quarters. If anything happens there will be someone to help.”

McCoy scowled at Jim, unwilling to go along with the plan but knew he had no other choice. “Fine but if anything happens to you...”

“You'll be the first to know, don't worry. Now why don't you show me this new discovery you made, hmmm?” Jim stood up from the desk, stretching out his tired muscles. Two days they've been chasing Spock and his kidnappers and it was beginning to wear on Jim's nerves. “Maybe it will help me feel better.”

“One can only hope.” McCoy chuckled, leading Jim out of the office.

About two hours later, Jim left sick bay and headed towards his quarters. He needed to eat and get some sleep but he couldn't. Every time his eyes would close he would see Spock in his torn and bloody shirt. He couldn't help wondering if he were ok, was he being mistreated? Jim bit back a frustrated sigh as he boarded the turbolift, aware that he was giving off an air of persistent anger. “Why can't I hear you anymore? Just let me know you're ok.” Jim whispered in the silent cabin. Biting back the sound that rose in his throat, Jim exited the lift once it stopped at the designated deck. Heading to his quarters, his steps faltered as he passed by Spock's room. “Please, give me some sign that you're still alive.” He looked at the door, the plain gray blurring as his eyes filled with tears. Turning to his room, he nodded to the two guards stationed by the door. Entering his code on the key pad, Jim stepped in and sighed in exhaustion, his head dropping to his chest as his thoughts went to Spock.

Looking over at the chess board, he felt his anger spike. They were supposed to have been relaxing with a game. Talking out their feelings and going from there was the original plan but now. Now Jim was standing in the middle of his quarters, rage burning through him for the man taken from him. “Bastards.” Jim whispered angrily. “You fucking bastards! Just give him back to me! He's mine do you hear me, he belongs to me, so give him back!” Sinking to his knees, Jim let the tears fall. He couldn't lose Spock, not now, not when they'd finally come this far in their relationship. He curled into himself, wrapping his arms around him as tightly as possible. “Why can't I _feel_ you anymore?!”

_Ashayam_

Jim jerked at the soft word, gasping in surprise. “Spock?" He looked around the room, frowning when he didn't see anyone. “I'm losing my damn mind now, unless...”

_Please...help me..._

“Where are you, tell me, where are you and I'll come get you.” Jim sucked in a shaky breath when he realized Spock was trying to reach him through their link. “Please, tell me what I need to do.”

_Save me, Jim...the fire...I-I burn for thee..._

Jim jumped to his feet, his heart racing as he stumbled over to the doors. As soon as they opened he took off down the corridor to the turbolift. He needed to get to the bridge. If by some miracle they can pinpoint Spock's exact location through their link, maybe they have a chance at bringing him home.


	15. Chapter 15

Jim paced the length of his quarters and back, his nerves stretched taught. He could feel Spock or at least what he thought was Spock. There was a faint buzzing at the back of his mind that would show little glimmers of him. Three days...after three days they had finally found Spock and his kidnappers. His agitation however, was due to being confined to quarters by his best friend.

_“You need some food and rest. If you go down there after him like this you'll get the both of you killed!”_

_“He's_ right there _Bones! Just let me go down to the planet and bring him back, I swear I'll eat whatever you want and sleep for a week if you will just...”_

 _“No, Jim damnit! He'd have my hide if I let you go down there running on less than empty! You get some rest and eat a meal by the time the away team is ready and I'll_ think _about letting you go.”_

_“You can't stop me from going down there Bones. If I decide to go I'll go, damnit!”_

_“Then I'll pull rank on you, citing medical reasons. You're bring negligent with your health Jim! You know Spock wouldn't want you to do this with out thinking!”_

_“I am thinking, don't you understand?! He's all I can think about, they took him from me and I have to get him back!”_

_“Four hours and a meal, that's all I'm asking!”_

_“Fuck! Fine if it will get you off my case, whatever, just make sure everything's ready to go when I say let's go.”_

That had been yesterday's blow up and now here he was pacing in impatience for McCoy to remove the security lock on his door. Sighing, he sat down at his desk, trying to calm down. Practicing the breathing methods Spock had taught him, he focused on the golden light he'd seen in their meld. Maybe he could get a better feel on how Spock was doing. Taking a deep breath, he released it with a soft huff. He'd found it, reaching out slowly, Jim stared in awe as it seemed to light up the closer he got.

_Ashaya...no...you must not..._

_Spock? What's going on, why can't I feel you anymore?_

_Y-you can not...the pain..._

_The pain I felt...tell me where you are, please, tell me so I can come get you and bring you back._

_Under...it is not safe...please, Jim...I burn...the fires..._

_What do you mean, are you hurt or sick? Spock damnit tell me what's going on?! I don't understand..._

_F-forgive...forgive me, Jim..._

Jim jerked as his door chime sounded. Blinking in confusion, he looked around until he realized why everything was so fuzzy. He had tears in his eyes and his chest ached. Leaning forward, he sucked in a quick breath, this must have been what the other Spock felt. The fear of not being able to do anything, the rage at those who would dare touch his mate, and the despair that the love he felt would be taken from him before they had a chance. When the door chime sounded again he looked up in irritation. “Come.” Voice gruff as he searched the bond for Spock. He let out a soft sigh when he felt something almost like a brush of reassurance.

_I'm coming for you, understand? No matter what it takes I will not leave you behind, even if it means giving my life for yours._

“You have an incoming message from New Vulcan and here's your plate. Get dressed, talk to Selek, and let's go.”

Jim frowned up at McCoy, pressing in his code for the computer. When the face of his friend appeared, he gave him a small smile. “He's not dead but he keeps telling me he's burning or something like that. Oh and good morning, sorry about being so rude.” He gave him a small grin as Selek nodded in acceptance.

 _“It is quite alright, Jim. Are you sure those are the words he used or did he say_ I _burn?”_

“He said, _I burn for thee_ , earlier then just now. About, uh, about three minutes ago? I asked him why I couldn't feel him he said the pain so they're hurting him and he's blocking it.” Jim said angrily.

_“He would not wish for you to go through any of what he is having to endure. If he said he burns for thee then he has come upon his time. It is, however, to early so they would have found a way to force him into it.”_

“His time, what the hell is that? Wait, you know what, I think I already know. We're getting ready to head down there to get him and bring him back.” Jim stood up from his chair and walked over to the small closet across from his bed. He pulled out his clothes for the away team and got dressed. “And I can still feel some of what he's having to go through, not like I'd tell him but yeah. So some of his pain is bleeding through still.”

_“He would not wish for you to endure such punishment. However Jim, you must approach Spock with caution. If he has been forced into his time he is a danger to everyone around him especially you.”_

Jim looked up in confusion, hand pausing as he pulled on a boot. “What do you mean, should I be worried about our safety around my first officer?”

_“When it comes to Spock and this particular situation, yes.”_

Looking over at Bones, Jim moved to stand in front of the view screen. “Tell me everything I'm going to need to know to deal with this. What ever it is, I'll do it.”

McCoy looked from Selek to Jim, a frown curving his lips down. He knew his friend would go to any lengths to get Spock back but from what he was hearing, this was more than even he could handle. “Jim...”

Jim heard the warning in his friends voice and ignored it, focusing on the man in front of him. “I'm switching to a padd, I've gotta get to the transporter room and I want to hear what else needs to be done.”

“Jim, damnit, listen to me, you're not ready for something like this! You haven't been eating or sleeping and if this is going to take longer...” McCoy started angrily, following Jim as he left his quarters. Reaching forward, he jerked Jim around by his shoulder. “For the love of the god's Jim! I need you to fucking listen to me, damnit!”

Jim turned to face McCoy, taking a deep breath, he held in the retort that sprang to his lips. He could see the fear in his friends eyes, the worry that was always there when he went off on a mission. “I have to get him back, ok? No matter what it takes, I have to do this. He didn't let me die, he could have turned the ship around and docked but he went after Khan...for _me_.” Jim looked at his best friend, pleading with him to understand. “Please, you know how much he means to me.” Jim looked down at the padd then back up at McCoy as they boarded the lift. “Selek said Spock will fight me on this, so I need you to be on my side here, ok? If what the memories showed are right then I'm in for the sex marathon of my life.” He grinned at his friends look of disgust. “Hey trust me, this is _not_ how I planned things but it's the only option. I can not lose him Bones, no matter what the cost is to myself.”

Letting out a sound of frustration, McCoy glared down at the floor. He was thinking of the risks to more than just Jim's body, it was his mind and heart as well. Letting out a rough sigh, he looked up at Jim, worry creasing his brow. “Look, you said you had these, uh, memories, right? You said that you and Spock some how had these memories from a different Jim and Spock. How much of it is true and how much have we changed? Remember you thought Nilteva was dead and this Lorne character too. You haven't been injected with anything foreign and we haven't lost anyone but Spock.” He watched as Jim seemed to think over what he was saying. “Come on, we can finish this on our way down.” He glanced up as they stepped out of the lift and into the shuttle bay.

“Wait, why aren't we beaming down, that would be faster.” Jim looked around in confusion as he took notice of Giotto and three other security officers standing close by. Looking past them he frowned at seeing Chekov in the pilot's seat. “Chekov stays here, he's not ready for...”

“I vill not, Keptain. I am more than qualified to fly zhe shuttle and you will need my help vith zhe new upgrades.” Chekov stepped off the shuttle and grinned up at Jim. “You vill love zhem.”

Jim nodded, turning to McCoy. “You staying?”

“Fuck no, who will make sure you don't break your fool neck if I don't go?” Walking past Jim, McCoy gave Chekov a pat on the shoulder then boarded the shuttle. “Also, if something has happened to Spock and I can help then I want to be there not having to wait.”

Jim nodded, looking down at the padd in his hand, he followed McCoy onto the shuttle. “The other Jim seemed to be scared at first then ended up enjoying things.” He could feel his face heating but he wouldn't let the subject go. “If this is a forced pon farr, how long do we have before it gets to the point of no return?”

_“He has been missing for three days. If it was started yesterday, you will have seven days from that date. However that is for the genetic make-up of a full blodded Vulcan. We, are not full blooded Vulcan, he and I are still half human.”_

“So that means it could be longer or shorter.” Jim said thoughtfully “Can he be moved or will we have to wait the seven days? The other two ended up, uh, putting on a show for their captors. I'd really like to avoid that if possible.” Jim frowned at the thought of someone else seeing Spock naked until a searing pain shot across his back. Jerking forward, he gasped as he tried to refocus his vision. “Fucking hell.” He whispered, voice hoarse with pain. He jerked again as another flash of fire shot across his lower legs. “Jesus.”

“Just what the hell is this? You feel something from Spock?” McCoy helped Jim to his feet and into one of the seats. “Giotto, get that door closed and let's go.” Turning back to Jim he frowned. “Christ you don't look so good Jimbo.” He watched as Jim paled, breathing turning shallow as he flinched. “Jim?”

“Th-they're beating him, h-he can't shield the pain this time.” Jim gritted out as a hiss of pain passed through his lips. He felt the shuttle lurch as it left the bay and headed down towards the planet. “He's to weak to keep up his shields.”

 _“Do not forget the memories you both share, they may be from a different Spock and Jim but they are still_ your _memories. Use them as a means of learning from the mistakes previously made.”_

Jim gave a jerky nod as he fought back a wave of nausea. “The pain, i-it's almost as if they know I can feel it too.” Jim gasped, closing his eyes against the tears that welled up in them. He panted as another searing pain shot across his back then down to his legs. Arching, Jim let out a whine of pain and fear. “B-bones...”

“Jesus your back is bleeding, did you two see this in the meld?” McCoy asked Jim as he prepared a hypo. Watching Jim closely, he frowned as he paled. “Jim what is it?”

“Th-they want to force him...he's never...not with anyone.” Jim whispered. He tried to control the roll of his emotions as he thought about someone touching Spock. The pain he was now going through and the humiliation they were going to try and force him to endure. “Pavel, how much longer?”

“Fifteen minutes, Keptain.”

Jim nodded, hissing as McCoy pressed a hypo to his neck. “They want to humiliate him since they were unable to get close to the other Spock. He broke an arm, a leg, and choked someone to death.” He glanced up at McCoy. “I'm going in alone and bringing him back out. If we all go in, there will be casualties and I'd really like to void that.”

“You're not going alone, Captain. Mr. Spock would hang us all if we didn't make the effort to at least protect you in someway.”

Jim looked up at Giotto with a frown. “I can't afford to wait, cupcake, if you're gonna go with me be ready to move fast.” When the other man simply nodded, Jim turned towards McCoy. “I need you to be ready for anything, talk to Selek and see what he can tell you.”

“You're coming back right, don't have me send the rest of the team...” McCoy looked at Jim, concern in his wide, sienna eyes.

Jim grinned at his friend. “Have to, can't leave you here to spoil Jo all by yourself.” He watched as the shuttle entered the planets atmosphere. “So this is Janjira Prime, doesn't look any different from the rest of the planets we've seen.”

_“At least on those there wasn't the threat of being eaten if we got to close to the local plant or animal life.”_

Jim looked over at one of the view screens, grinning at Sulu's image. “Hikaru why didn't you just come along since you know so much?”

_“I sent Pavel, he knows this as well as I do and would be a better asset than I would to Mr. Spock. Besides you're going to need me up here, who else can do mine and Pavel's job?”_

Jim nodded in understanding. “Well, fill us in while we land. I want to avoid anything that's going to delay us getting to Spock.” Jim sat down gingerly next to Chekov, listening to Sulu explain the hazards of the planet. They landed in a field about four hours from where Spock was supposed to be held prisoner. “Ok guys, I need you to listen up. I'm only taking Giotto and Pavel with me the rest of you will stay here with McCoy and make sure nothing happens to him.” Turning to his friend, Jim reached for a phaser and handed to him. “Don't scowl at me, I know you can use it I saw your marks at the academy.”

“Don't give it to me and expect...” McCoy started angrily.

“Don't argue with me, Bones! Christ, I can't right now ok? I need to focus on getting Spock back and if I'm worried about you I can't do that! So please, just take the fucking phaser, set it to the highest stun setting and keep it with you!” Jim looked at McCoy, sighing at the expression on his face. “Please, you know I love you like family Bones but please just this once...”

“Fine, I won't use the damn thing unless I have to.” McCoy took the phaser from Jim, his frown deepening. “Come on, Chekov just landed the shuttle, let's have a look before you head out. They have a couple hours on you so you're gonna need to move fast.”

Jim nodded as the shuttle settled. Moving towards the door, Jim pressed the bottom to open the hatch and waited with impatience. Once open, he left the shuttle, grabbing one of the survivor packs by the door. “Giotta, make sure you have a hand phaser and phaser cannon, I don't want any surprises. Chekov, you make sure you have the same as well, I'm not taking any chances.” Turning to the other three security officers, Jim smiled. “Santos, Arriga I need you two to make sure nothing happens to McCoy. Anything look out of the ordinary you do whatever you need to to protect him, Wells, and the shuttle. Wells, you make sure you don't let anyone or anything take the shuttle, even if you guys have to beam up and self destruct it, these people can not get their hands on the shuttle.” Looking at everyone around him, Jim nodded. “Ok, now that's settled, how about we go get my fucking first officer? They took him from me and I want his ass back now!”

McCoy watched as Jim, Chekov, and Giotto headed off in the last known direction for Spock. Shaking his head, he looked at the other three with him. “Well, come on we can monitor things from inside. If you need to take samples do it together never alone and keep your communicators on.” When everyone nodded, he turned and picked up the padd Jim had dropped. “You know what the outcome is don't you?” He frowned at Selek, waiting as he seemed to think about his answer. “Tell me the truth, will I see them again?”

_“In every universe there is a Jim Kirk and Spock of Vulcan. Some where they are bonded and some where they met and one died before the bonding was completed. This is not one of those universes.”_

“You think he can bring him back unharmed?” McCoy frowned at the small smile Selek gave him, wondering what it meant.

_“Doctor, just as Jim and Spock are meant to be together so are you meant to forever remain their friend.”_

McCoy frowned at his pause. “Spit it out you old wily, green blooded hobgoblin. What else is there you had to say.”

_“I must ask that you honor one wish for me, my friend.”_

McCoy frowned, aware of the history between Selek and his doctor McCoy. “Well, if it's in my power I will.”

_“Please do not let Jim or Spock risk their lives or career on anything that is less than what they desire. Do not let Jim retire unless it is what he wants and force Spock to face the foolishness of returning to Vulcan. I died to save my Jim Kirk, the ship, and crew in my own time and he risked his career to get me back. Your Jim Kirk has died doing the same in this time, Spock having done for him what I did for Jim. I do not wish to see the sacrifice either has made be in vain.”_

McCoy blinked in surprise at Selek's revelation. “Wait just a damn minute, you _died_?! How the fuck are we talking if you died?”

_“Jim refused to let me die on a barren planet, something for which I am most grateful for.”_

Shaking his head, McCoy looked over a series of scans being run by the computer. “These readings don't look right. It says here that the planet is mostly water with limited land mass but in about four hours it's about to be ice cold.”

_“It's the mirror effect, the sun may be up and shining but this planets temperatures drop well below freezing. You guys will need to stay warm during the night.”_

McCoy nodded at Sulu's statement, frowning as the numbers continued to scroll by. “Jim is better at reading this than me. I can only make out a handful of this garbage.” He grinned a Selek's huff and Sulu's chuckle. Looking at the padd, he tilted his head in question. “Why did you leave him if you loved him?”

_“Starfleet promoted us, Jim to Admiral and I to Ambassador. Neither of us were surprised nor happy, Jim especially. He loved being on his ship and I wanted to help my people. I let him go to be happy, I...cherished...him more than my own desires.”_

“Yeah, well, your counterpart isn't that kind hearted when it comes to Jim. case and point, what he did to Khan.” McCoy shook his head. “Speaking of which, this thing he's going through, if we beam them directly to the ship would it hurt Spock or...”

_“I do not believe it would be harmful it would however require Jim being able to get close enough to him without being attacked.”_

McCoy nodded, his look turning thoughtful. “Well, I gave Jim a hypo to help with the pain from Spock. Hopefully on their first check-in we can decide on what to do.”

_“Very well, please keep me informed, I must go and explain the situation to Ambassador Sarek.”_

“Yeah, ok, just make sure you don't go to far. Don't need Jim freaking out over something happening to you too, right now.” Holding his hand up in the ta'al, McCoy nodded as Selek signed off. “Vulcans and their big brains.” He muttered to himself. Looking up at the screen in front of him he frowned, the readings had spiked since the last time he looked. Pressing the comm for the Enterprise, McCoy's frown deepend when all he got back was static. “Great, now communications are giving me hell.” Smacking a hand against the console, he stood up and stretched. Turning to the security officer behind him he frowned. “Santos and Arriga not back yet?”

“They are making sure the shuttle will be able to handle the storm, sir. Is there anything you require?”

“No, just making sure we stick together, The captain doesn't need anyone else disappearing right now.” Frowning as he stood in the doorway, looking out over the field, McCoy couldn't help the shiver of apprehension that moved down his spine. “Need you to hurry it up Jimbo, not sure how long I can handle not knowing what's going on.”

McCoy knew Jim would tease him for worrying so much but this time he felt he was entitled. These people wanted Jim and they took Spock to get him. If they were willing to stoop to those measures, what would they do to keep Spock or Jim with them?

 


	16. Chapter 16

Spock slowly opened his eyes, making sure to remain as still as possible. Looking around the room, he noticed the walls were a smooth gray. Reminding him of sick bay, if it weren't for the windows. Turning his head to the left he could see the door and an empty chair. He briefly wondered who had been the occupant until the sound of a door opening caught his attention. Looking down towards his feet, he noticed a woman standing in the doorway. Her skin and hair were ice white, her eyes, however, were not the usual gold as the others. He stiffened as she approached him, a needle in her hand. He watched as she slowly approached him, surprised that her eyes were a iridescent blue. Studying her in silence, Spock tried to figure out why she looked different from the others.

“I am A'shu'njuan, you are to remain here until further notice, Spock, son of Sarek. I am to assist you in your time if you find me agreeable.”

Spock stiffened at her words. “It is not my time and you would not be my preferred choice of mate.” His mind rebelled at the thought of this female touching him when not even Jim had done so. He watched as she approached him, the needle held high enough for him to see. He didn't ask what was in the syringe, sure that it wasn't meant to help him. “Why do you assist them with this?”

“If I do not they will kill him. For one to live the other must die. He who has disrupted the original way of things has now forced _us_ to participate in their games.” A'shu'njuan looked at Spock with a blank face but her eyes...her eyes were bright with an emotion he's seen before. What he wanted to know was who disrupted what and where. Is that where the memories he and Jim share come from? He jerked at the sharp prick at his neck, hissing as A'shu'njuan pressed the plunger down.

“I do not wish to do this, to you, Spock, son of Sarek. You and your mate have saved my people more times than you are aware. I ask that you forgive me my part. I would do anything to save him.”

Spock looked up at the woman next to him, confused at her statement until he felt a burning sensation low in his stomach. Eyes widening, he sucked in a quick breath, releasing it as the room swam. “What...” Spock swallowed, a slow movement that was unconscious on his part. “What did you give me?”

“They do not wish to make the same mistake as before. If he comes for you, they will not allow him to take you alive.”

Spock frowned at her response, aware she hadn't answered his question. He felt a shiver move down his spine as the heat slowly started to spread. Blinking up at A'shu'njuan, Spock tried again to understand what she was telling him. “Ex...” He broke off with a soft huff, eyes closing as he fought for control. He had seen the memories of what the other Spock had done and knew he was capable of worse. Especially when it involved Jim, there was no way for him to control himself. “Explain.” He gasped out, jaw clenching against the burning of his blood.

“He who failed first has come to correct the mistake.” A'shu'njuan walked around Spock, her voice soft as she spoke. “The pale one has lost his by your hand but not. The other...” Her voice dropped as she moved to Spock's feet. “The demon, he wishes to fix what was disrupted. Your mate is in danger, as is mine.”

Spock shivered, his temper spiking at the words _your mate is in danger..._ He would not allow these strangers the satisfaction of taking Jim from him. “That...that does not explain...” Spock struggled to keep his focus, the fire burning within him turning his thoughts to his Captain. “W-why are you doing this?”

“They demand that for one to live the other must die. You and he have died and lived more than once. They wish to break the cycle, forcing a new echo in time. They wish to haunt your world as ours is now.”

Spock struggled to stay focused, finding it difficult with his heart racing and the ancient words whispering through his mind. His blood thickened in his veins, clouding his mind, blocking out everything except the ancient fires burning within him and the only one who could put them out. “You must release me.” Spock spoke through clenched teeth. He could feel his hand curling as he struggled not to give in to the demands of his body. “You do not understand the danger you have put yourself in.”

“It is the price that must be paid if we wish to leave here alive.” A'shu'njuan looked up at the ceiling. “They will have it no other way. It will be your death from your time or his for attempting to rescue you.”

“You are certain he will not succeed yet do not know for sure where he is.” Spock shivered as his mind turned towards his last anchor...his bond to Jim.

_Ashayam..._

Spock felt the start of surprise vibrate across the ribbon, surprise as well as hope.

_Spock?_

Taking a deep breath he bit back a moan as his blood thickened, the drug making his skin oversensitive. To hear his voice made him burn with want. The dark within him called out to the light.

_Please...help me..._

Shivering, Spock struggled to refocus his thoughts. Something was not right, the fires of his time would not take affect so quickly. He started as Jim's voice sounded in his head.

_Where are you, tell me, where are you and I'll come get you!_

Spock could hear the desperation in his voice, the need to save him was what Jim Kirk who he was.

_Please, tell me what I need to do._

Spock felt a soft hand brush across his chest, his body stiffening at the contact. He would not give in easily to the whims of his kidnappers. Clenching his jaw, Spock fought back the desire to give in to his body's demands.

_Save me, Jim...the fire...I-I burn for thee..._

Spock fought back the fires burning deep within him, the primitive desire to mate with whomever was in the room was making his skin prickle with awareness. His eyes snapped open when the table beneath him shifted, moving him upright.

“Ah, he is awake then?”

“Yes, he does not desire what we offer him. It is only one who can give him what you demand and that is the one you do not wish to find him.” A'shu'njuan answered the tall man behind Spock. “You will find his is not the easiest to break.”

“They all break, all but that one and this one is no different.”

“We do not have the right to interfere...”

“He took my right when he took him from me!”

“He is not the one who you seek. You must return him, the balance is not corrected just because you wish it to run differently.”

Spock looked up through hazy eyes to see a pale man with bright red hair and golden eyes watching him. A growl built in the back of his throat at the man watching him. “You are...”

“I am he who is now but is no more before. You and your...counterparts...have done more harm than good and I will not tolerate it any longer. I am Malvo of Janjira Prime, Lorne of Janjira was taken from me by he who claimed the sun. I will take that which was denied me from you, Spock, Son of Sarek. The fires that burn through you will only make this easier and that more enjoyable.” Malvo looked down at Spock, lips curled in a derisive smile. “The sun shall never have peace, never know rest for the darkness will never be found.”

Spock blinked up at the man above him, confusion clouding his already fuzzy mind. “Lorne took that which was not his to take.”

“And I will take that which was denied me by you but not you.” Malvo leered down at Spock, moving around him. He stood in front of Spock and chuckle, a grating sound that held no mirth. “He will feel your pain just I felt it. He will know what you go through is because of him.”

Spock glared at the man in front of him, rage making his hands clench tight. “You do not know...”

“He is your bonded, the one you call T'hy'la. You shall be denied the right to fulfill this. I will take from you that which you have taken but did not.”

Spock glanced over at a now silent A'shu'njuan before looking back at Malvo. “I will deny you the pleasure of him feeling the pain. He will not suffer as I suffer.” His head snapped to the side at the slap he received, blood filling his mouth as he looked up at Malvo through narrowed eyes. “You do not understand that which you do.”

Malvo laughed as he looked at Spock. “He enjoyed the pleasures of the sun, I shall enjoy the pleasure of the dark. You will now see what was done to him, for it shall be done to you.”

Spock jerked as the table shifted behind him, moving away and leaving his back exposed. His arms were lifted above his head by the cuffs around his wrist. Once they were hooked to a chain above him, Spock pulled down, the links clanging together at the strain. He glared at Malvo, watching the way his eyes widened with pleasure.

“So the beatings did nothing but the thought of him will. I shall enjoy both the light and the darkness.” Malvo's grin turned malicious, filled with a dark promise he intended to keep.

Spock's gaze narrowed as he watched Malvo walk around him. He knew he would be rescued, that Jim would not leave him but when...he did not know.

_I'm coming for you, understand? No matter what it takes I will not leave you behind, even if it means giving my life for yours._

Spock sucked in a harsh breath at the bite of leather across his back. Jim would come, all he had to do was hang on for as long as he could. Glaring at the man now holding a whip in his hand, Spock frowned. “You will enjoy death almost as much as he did.”

Malvo's face went dark, his rage making look almost ghostly. “Then before I die, I shall enjoy the pleasures of the forbidden one.”

Spock struggled to brush the rage and lust back from his mind, his body responding to the lashes differently than his captors expected. Shivering with the hot flames of desire coursing through him, one thing kept repeating itself.

_They wish to break the cycle, forcing a new echo in time. They wish to haunt your world as ours is now._

“You will be denied the right to take that which is not yours.” Spock spoke softly, understanding drifting through his mind. “He will not allow it.”

Malvo leaned down into Spock's face, an evil grin curving his lips. “Good, I shall be waiting for him.”

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

Jim moved through the tall grass as quietly as possible, making sure to keep hidden behind the tall blades. He scanned the treeline, looking for any movement other than the leaves waving in the breeze. Moving closer to the ground and inching forward slowly, Jim could see Pavel from the corner of his eye, his focus on the treeline as well. “Pavel, you saw them too?”

“Aye, Keptain, he did not look like zhe others.” Pavel whispered back, his gray gaze scanning the trees again. “He moves wery quickly.”

“Yeah, I see.” Jim frowned as he turned to look for Giotto. “Hey cupcake, you ok?” He grinned at the low huff he received in answer. “Good, because I need to find out who this guy is and you two need to stay here.”

“Captain, I can't let you do that.” Giotto glanced over at Jim then back to the trees. “If they are hostile...”

“Then it's better that I go alone, right?” Jim grinned, a slight curve of his lips that held no mirth. “Need you to take care of my navigator. We lose him Bones will skin me dead or alive.” He chuckled softly at the soft growl in his ear.

_“You're such a god damn idiot.”_

“Aww but you love me sourpuss.” Jim winked at Giotto, a genuine grin curving his lips. “Any word from Selek?”

_“Not yet, remember, we're having trouble getting anything out as well as in. It's like it's on some type of rotation.”_

“Yeah, kinda figured that.” Jim sighed as he looked to his right. “There you are you son of a bitch.”

_“Who the hell...”_

“Can't talk right now Bones, see someone I need to know.” Jim turned his comm off, motioning to Pavel and Giotto to follow him. They moved through the tall grass, keeping as silent as possible. He watched the figure in front of them, could tell that he looked like one of the people who had taken Spock but there was something different. “His skin is that same iridescent white but didn't they have red hair?” He glanced back at Pavel, who stood behind him in surprise.

“Da, and zhe others vere red vith orange hair. He is not like zhem, zhe eyes...” Pavel watched as the figure suddenly turned towards them, gaze narrowed in their direction. “Jim...”

Jim nodded, stopping and getting as low as he could without losing sight of their stalker. They'd been on the planet for a day before he noticed they were being followed. He'd only seen the figure once, having thought it was a residual affect of the pain from his bond with Spock. They moved like ghosts, certain it was more than one person, but they didn't seem to mean them harm. “We need to...”

“You do not need to hide, one can not hide the light in such darkness as this.”

Jim's head jerked up at the deep voice, surprise making him move back. “Who are you and why have you been following us?!” Glancing at Giotto, he motioned for him to move around to the left, Pavel to the right. “I mean we've only been here a day and a half and you're stalking us is really creeping me out!”

“I am Vaulkryian Raja, I have come for her that was taken from me. You, Kirk, James T. have come for he who holds the key to the light. I am here to assist in your journey and rescue.”

Jim held his phaser cannon up, still not trusting the man in front of him. “Who is that in the trees and how the fuck do you know my name?”

“Keptain, zhe doctor zaid to turn on your comm unit.” Pavel whispered urgently.

Jim glanced back at the young man, a frown curving his lips down at his tone. Pressing the earpiece he waited for it to connect. “Bones, kinda in the mid...”

_“I...give a...ass! Got a...Selek, you need...careful...from Janijira Prime! Jim?! Jim, damnit...hear me?!”_

“Bones?” Jim frowned as the comm cut out, static sounding in his ear. Turning to the man standing at the treeline, Jim stood up and looked around, spotting Giotto. “Answer my questions.” Voice low, Jim glared at the taller man. “You're not like the others we've seen but I'm pretty sure you don't mean us well either.”

“I am not from the same planet yet am. We are from Janjira Deux, the second planet in this cursed system. We must return you to him or the original flow will be disrupted once again.”

Jim studied the man, trying to figure out how he was different, until he looked at his eyes. “You don't have the same eyes as the others.”

“No, Kirk, James T. We are not of the same genetic race but are. They have claimed a different way of life, the planets they inhabit changed them. Ours has not yet has because of their...interference in the natural flow of life here.” Vaulkryian walked forward, hands held up for Jim to see. “I must find her, she who is mine. They led her to believe I was captured when this is true but not. They will use her to try and change the flow of events. The time has come for the darkness to seek the light, if the light can not find him we are all in peril.”

Jim stiffened, hands tightening around the phaser cannon. “What do you mean by that? Who is _she_ and how do I get to Spock?”

“Captain...” Giotto started in a soft voice, his gaze moving around them in warning.

“They will remain where they are unless instructed not to. The desire to return our world to its proper order is our focus. We are here to assist you, Kirk, James T.” Vaulkryian stood in front of Jim, watching him in silence.

“How do you know who I am?” Jim lowered his weapon, something telling him that this man wasn't a real threat to them. “You keep calling me by my name but you don't say Spock's.”

Vaulkryian gave him a small smile as he studied the man in front of him. “On my planet but not, you and he have saved us more than once. Your passion and dedication echo through out this system and there are those who wish to change the sequence of things.” Looking from Jim to Chekov and Giotto, Vaulkryian nodded. “He is the one who helps keep the balance, the one who holds the key to the light. I was sent to save her and help bring the darkness to the light, if I can not then I will sacrifice myself for them.”

Jim blinked at the vehemence in Vaulkryian's voice. “She means that much to you?”

“As you honor the dark, I honor the wind. As he honors the light, she honors the water.”

Jim frowned as he looked from Chekov to Giotto. “Ok, so all of you speak in riddles.” Shaking his head, his frown deepened as he heard a whisper, a soft plea from someone. “Spock?” Looking back at the treeline, Jim moved forward. “He's over to the east of us, about five miles. It's dark and cold.” Jim said absently, turning to head in the direction stated. “Spock doesn't like the cold.”

“You have the ability to speak without speaking.”

Blinking, Jim turned to the man next to him. “I, uh, w-we do.” He wasn't sure how much to tell this stranger, especially since he seemed to know more than they thought.

“Come then, we must hurry, her heart cries out for mine and I have a promise to fulfill.” Vaulkryian turned towards the trees, giving out a shrill whistle. He held his arms up and waved as a small group appeared before him. “The light has come for the darkness! We have one task before us and that is to make sure the darkness is set free into the light!”

Jim grinned at the cheer that ran around the group, surprised at how readily they accepted their mission. “If you guys are from the second planet why is your skin color not different? I mean the ones who took Spock had this red skin with bright orange hair.” He wondered about the differences, was sure Spock would have noticed them immediately but...

“The planets in the light keep our skin pale, the rays are not as harmful to us as they are the planets in the dark. They rarely see the light so they are able to retain the skin tone of our ancestors. A brutal race, more savage than civil. They walk in darkness, resentful of the light. It is this that has taken him from you. The one who was taken by you but not you and he who is him but not him.” Vaulkryian paused as he tilted his head to the right. “We must hurry, the darkness is not hospitable at night, the creatures seek to harm those unfamiliar with the area.”

Pavel bit back a sound of surprise as his tricorder alarm went off. Looking up at Jim and Giotto, he scanned the area and froze. “Twenty meters, Captain, they are wery large and do not seem wery friendly.”

Jim nodded, “Understood, let's get moving before they decide to make us lunch.” Jim turned and followed their new found friends, hoping against all hope that they weren't out to hurt them before they could get to Spock. Glancing over at Giotto, he gave him a short nod, watching as he pulled out his comm and tried to reach the shuttlecraft. He followed Vaulkryian and his three other companions as they moved towards the trees. “We doing some climbing?”

“The animals that your friend sense are dangerous on the ground at night. If we are to set free the darkness we must protect the light.” He stood in front of a tree with branches spread up as high as the eye could see. “Come, we are sworn to protect the light with our lives.” He motioned Jim, Chekov, and Giotto up the tree, following behind them once all three were up. “We will be able to move through the trees but must be aware of the silence. It can kill you faster than those who use it for protection.”

Jim nodded as they climbed upwards. It wasn't until he reached a clearing among the branches did his comm crackle in his ear.

_“Jim damnit, answer me!”_

Sucking in a quick breath Jim let it out on a rough sigh. “Bones, thank god, I thought something happened to you guys.”

_“No, some guys showed up talking about protecting the light for the darkness. What the fuck is going on, nothing they keep saying makes any damn sense?!”_

“They're cool, we're with four of them who are looking for their partners too. Bones, I really need you to reach Selek, ask him what happens if Spock if forced to mate with someone he didn't want or choose.”

_“What in the hell do you mean by that? Who would...”_

“Bones, don't argue just do it, ok, I need to make sure that we have all our bases covered.” Jim glanced over at Vaulkryian, watching as he talked with his companions. “These guys are from the second planet, comm Sulu as well and see what information he can get about them.”

_“And you plan to do what in the meantime? Don't go off half cocked Jim and something bad happens! Do you know what Spock will do if something happens to you?!”_

“Stop being a mother hen and just do what I asked.” Jim sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Bones, please, comm Selek and Sulu. I'm going after Spock no matter what.”

_“Yeah, fine fine just keep your damn comm on and be careful.”_

“Sure dad, I'll make sure to wear protection too.” Jim chuckled at McCoy's huff, closing the line. “Cupcake make sure you keep a line open to the others, the doctor isn't comfortable with our new friends.”

“Aye Captain, not that I can say I blame him. They seem to know a lot of things about you and the Commander.” Giotto frowned as he watched their new companions, glancing to his right to check on Chekov. “Everyone we run into keeps saying the same thing. For one to live...”

“The other must die. I know it's creepy as fuck but right now they're the only ones who seem to know what's going on here.” Jim frowned down at the branches beneath them. “Honestly, if they can help us get to Spock and get him out alive then I'll deal with everything else later.” He scanned the ground beneath them, eyes narrowing on something moving below them. “These...creatures...how big are they?”

“Zhey are about fourty inches in length and veigh about two swenty five.” Chekov looked over Jim's shoulder, a frown curving his lips down. “About zhe size of an Afwican vawthog, except larger.” His voice was filled with awe as he saw one of the creatures in question. “Amazing.”

Jim frowned as he studied the creatures. “I've seen pictures of warthog's, those look nothing like them.” He let out a sigh, looking up at the sound of someone clearing their throats.

“Kirk, James T. we must leave this place. The darkness will awaken in a few hours time, if the light has not found the darkness then our sacrifice has been for naught.” Vaulkryian studied Jim closely, watching as he looked at the small group behind him.

“What happens once we get to him, what do you guys gain from helping me get him back?” Jim studied the smiling man, wondering why they were so intent on helping strangers.

“We will finally be allowed to finish the cycle. Once the darkness has been freed by the light, we shall finally be able to rest.” Vaulkryian nodded, a small smile curving his lips. “You who is he but not, and he who is him but is, will let the dark free into the light.”

Jim frowned as he stood up, sighing as he thought about what was said. Closing his eyes he tried to focus on their connection, grinning, when he felt a stirring in the back of his mind. A faint desire for something he's wanted for most of his life. Looking up at the pale man standing over them, Jim nodded. “Then it looks like we should get moving, the sooner I get him back the better I'll be.” Rubbing his temples, he let out a sigh of frustration. “Worst fucking time for a headache.” Jim muttered, he started at the hand placed on his shoulder. Turning to find Giotto watching with a look of concern.

“Captain, are you sure you want to move out right now, you don't look to good.”

Jim chuckled, a weak sound that held no mirth. “I won't be good until we get my first officer back.” Standing up on the branch beneath him, Jim nodded to Vaulkryian. “About an hour's walk on the ground...”

“Less time through the trees and less chance of being seen.” Vaulkryian nodded as he motioned to his companions. “We will make sure that you are successful in this quest, Kirk, James T.”

Jim chuckled as he nodded. “First, the name's Jim, second, thank you, he means a lot to me.”

“As does she who is for me. Come let us go to victory.”

Jim nodded, looking at both Chekov and Giotto. They moved through the trees as silently as possible, aware that any sound would alert the animals on the ground. “Hey Vaulkryian, these animals below us, how dangerous are they?”

“They will eat you in your sleep, starting with your feet. If you resist they will gore you to death with their tusks. Their teeth are razor sharp, nothing has been known to escape them once they have chosen you.” Vaulkryian looked at Jim closely. “It would not be beneficial to any of us if they were to harm the light.”

Jim swung down from one of the higher branches as he glanced over at the now silent man. He thought about how they could use the animals to their advantage. “That's not a bad thing to know.” He looked up at the sky, a frown curving his lips down. “This lack of sunlight is really a pain in the ass. How can you tell how long we've been out here?”

“The shadows, despite the lack of full sunlight do change. It is simply up to us if we choose to notice or not.” Glancing over his shoulder, Valkryan gave him a small smile. “You wish to find him, patience, the place of imprisonment is near.”

Jim didn't question how he knew, just followed with Giotto and Chekov close behind him. He wasn't sure what they would find once they locate Spock and it was making Jim nervous. He didn't want to think about anyone else touching the pale, lithe body either. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jim held back a sigh of irritation at the pressure building behind his eyes.

“Jim, are you ok?”

Looking up at Chekov, Jim squinted at the pain pounding through his head. “Yeah, uh, just a migraine from lack of sleep.” He gave his friend a tired smile, moving past him towards the end of the trees. “This is where they end?”

“The weather will turn into night, we must make it to the wall as quickly as possible. The creatures will not follow past the trees.”

Jim nodded as he scanned the small group of buildings. “He's not in any of these, they have him isolated and in the dark.” His gaze narrowed as they watched the front of the main building. “That building there, what is in there?”

“It is the main security building, it goes three floors down and two to each side.”

Jim nodded as he turned to Giotto. “We go in as quietly as possible, don't want to announce our presence. If either of you find Spock first do not approach him, come get me.”

“Aye, Captain.” Both men said in unison, getting ready to follow their Captain.

Jim sighed, rubbing his temples. His headache was getting worse and it was making him antsy. “Giotto, any word from McCoy?”

“None yet sir, it could be the interference from earlier.”

“Yeah, you may be right.” Jim looked over at their companions, shaking his head at their silence. “I need you guys to be ready to go, I don't want to be here any longer than necessary.” When both nodded, Jim turned to Vaulkryian. “We're ready whenever you are.”

“Then we must hurry, you are in need of relief of your pain. The light can not fall into darkness.” Vaulkryian turned to his companions. “Our pledge is almost fulfilled. We will take the light to the darkness, protect him with your life.”

Jim watched as all four men turned to him and nodded, four sets of iridescent blue eyes watched him solemnly. “Thank you for your help, you don't even know us but...” He looked back at his friends. “We appreciate it. The Federation and Vulcan High Council do as well.”

“Then we have achieved a new standard of success? This is good for our people to learn. Your Federation would help us understand the light and dark better, we must discuss this with those who are us but not. They must be made aware of the opportunity.” Turning to his right, Vaulkryian motioned a young man forward. “Terlah is one who is the same but not, we are fortunate that out planets are very much alike.”

Jim nodded to the young man, returning his smile. “Gentlemen, let's be off then.” He turned away from the younger man, something about him making his stomach twist. He seemed familiar but Jim wasn't sure why. Glancing back at Giotto and Chekov, he motioned them forward, following Vaulkryian and his party. No matter what happened today Spock was leaving with them, no matter if Jim had to take a few of his kidnappers out to do it. 


	18. Chapter 18

“Here is where we must leave the light. The darkness is where we can not follow you, Kirk, James T. There is another quest we must complete now so I bid you safe journey, my friend.”

Jim nodded at the statement, grinning at Vaulkryian and his friends. “If we meet again, it will definitely be as friends.” He waved as the other four left them standing at the back entrance. Looking around, Jim nodded to Chekov, waiting as he scanned the area. “Tell me something Pavel, what are we dealing with.” Jim whispered, looking around to make sure they weren't seen. “It's real quiet out here.”

“Zhere iz movement below zhe main floor Jim but I can not get a lock on Mr. Spock.” Pavel looked up from his tricorder, frustration clear on his face.

“Don't worry about it, I've got that covered.” Turning to Giotto, he frowned. “Lieutenant, is something wrong?”

“The silence, it's almost as if they're expecting us but don't want to appear to be doing that.” Giotto looked up at the wall above them. “No one is even on look out.”

“They've been expecting us for awhile, just not sure who and where.” Jim said absently, moving along the wall he headed towards the tree line. “There was a door here when we passed by earlier. It may lead...” He broke off as two figures suddenly appeared from the woods. Motioning at Chekov and Giotto to stay hidden, Jim crouched down as low as possible, straining to hear their conversation.

“He will kill him if we do not bring him what he has demanded.”

“He is the one who would destroy us for him either way, why should we help him complete the cycle?!”

“It has been disrupted by you but not you! How could you ask such a thing?! You knew the light would come after the darkness, it has always been the way of things. It was your party but not that made the mistake, the darkness has never followed the light! It was they who allowed the darkness to take over! If he had followed the order...”

“He wished for something different! They die for us and we offer nothing in return!”

“It was not for you but not to offer the changes! It should have been brought to council at...”

Jim shrank back as close to the wall as possible, watching the two pale men in front of him. They knew where Spock was and that was enough for him to remain hidden. He watched as they passed in front of the brush hiding Jim. Glancing back, he could see both Giotto and Chekov ready to follow the two men. Tilting his head, Jim moved along the wall, phaser drawn in the event they were discovered. “Stay close to the wall and try not to be seen. If we're lucky we'll be able to get in and out undiscovered.” He whispered, eyes still on the two men in front of them. “Giotto, contact the shuttle and let them know to be ready to go. We are not staying here longer than necessary.”

Moving forward, Jim and Pavel kept watch as Giotto relayed the message. Once they were back at the main gate, they waited, watching as the two stopped to pick up something. “Come on, there has to be some way in without them seeing us.”

“Da, Jim, zhere is a side door. Once in ve vould need to head left and straight down.” Chekov looked at his tricorder. “Zhere are two rooms and the Commander in in one of zhem.”

“Then we go with that, any guards that spot us put them down as quickly and quietly as possible.” Jim glanced at Giotto over Pavel's head. He was aware that the younger man would do his job but he'd rather not put him in the position of killing someone. “Stay close and remember, don't get any closer to Spock than allowed.” When both men nodded, Jim turned and walked forward. He looked for the aforementioned door, spotting it almost by accident. “I see why Vaulkryian never got in.” The door was almost transparent in appearance, if one didn't know to look for it. Pushing it in, Jim let out a soft breath when it opened on silent hinges. He wasn't surprised when Giotto moved in front of him, phaser at the ready. He nodded once, looking back at Pavel. “Stick close, Pavel, can't afford to lose you either.”

Jim followed Giotto, gaze watchful as they passed groups of people unseen. “It's as if they know we're but are intent on ignoring us.” He frowned as they reached the door to the stairs. “It's to qui...” He broke off at the sound of a voice filled with anger. “That's Spock.” Jim moved past Giotto, reaching for the door handle.

“Captain, wait, we don't...” Giotto tried to warn Jim but was to late as the door burst open and a bright light blinded them.

“Ahh, then they were correct in the error. The light has come for the darkness this time yet the darkness chased the light. It has set our worlds on paths that we thought of but did not.”

Jim blinked up at the tall man, frowning when he finally came into focus. “Where is he, I can hear him, give him back to me to me or I swear...” He could feel his blood boiling as he glared at the stranger. A feeling of familiarity fluttered along his nerves, eyes narrowing, Jim's lips curled in a sneer. “You're the one they call Shalveta but not him, right? I know you can hear our thoughts, mine and his especially. You know what happened the last time he was kept away from me.”

Shalveta looked at Jim in surprise. “You share the memories of him but not him.” He paused as he studied Jim, eyes searching his face for something. “How has this happened, how were you and he able to share the memories of them? This has never...”

“The changes you made, he who took what was not his lost his life. The first disruption was this. He who did this but did not wishes to change the way here as well.”

Jim looked up to see Vaulkryian and his small group walking towards them. He looked between the two men, confused by there conversation and angry they were keeping him from Spock. “I don't give a _fuck_ about anyone from anywhere but here, right fucking now!” Temper fraying, Jim tried to control his voice before he said or did something he'd later regret. “All I want is what's mine and he belongs to me. I have asked, more than once that you give him back now, since you won't I will _take_ him from you!”

“He is the light, you must take him to the darkness before it is to late. If we correct his mistakes then we will have a chance to save us but not us as well.” Vulkryian stepped forward between Jim and Shalveta. “You but not you was not for the plan either. Let us pass, give the dark to the light and save us from this purgatory they have created for us all. Let him have that which is his, only then will the hauntings stop. The whispers of those gone are not supposed to be heard by the living yet.”

Jim watched as Shalveta struggled with his decision. Shaking his head, he motioned for Giotto to comm the shuttle. “Tell Bones that I'm sending you two back...”

“Captain that's not...” Giotto started but was stopped by Jim's expression.

“Tell him that I'm right behind you and don't fucking leave us.” Jim looked between the two men, sighing at the twin looks of disapproval. “Look guys, it's not that I don't trust you but imagine how Spock will feel knowing you saw him like this? It's going to be difficult knowing I'm seeing him like this but this is not something he nor I want you to see. Trust me on this Cupcake, take Pavel and head back to the shuttle.” Glancing over at Vulkryian and his group, he frowned. “I think I'll be fine with them for a few. Besides Bones didn't feel comfortable with their friends, I want to know why.” He said softly, making sure only they could hear him. “Be careful going back and don't forget everything you've learned and seen.”

Neither Giotto or Pavel were happy with the decision but turned and reluctantly headed back the way they'd come. Jim turned to the group behind him, squaring his shoulders as they watched him silently. “Are you going to take me to him or what?”

“Come, I do not wish to see what happened there happen here. He has demanded we bring you to him more than once. I am the one who will present the light to the dark.”

Jim looked confused at the awe in Shalveta's voice. Glancing over at Vaulkryian he shrugged. “Ok. well let's go the sooner you give him back to me the happier we will both be.” Jim followed Shalveta, making sure to keep his phaser out and eyes and ears open. He heard what sounded like a growl as they moved down the long staircase.

_“You said you were going to bring him to me. Where is he!”_

Jim pushed past Shalveta, heading to the only open door at the bottom of the steps. “Spock?” He walked through the doorway, eyes searching the room until he spotted him. Standing at the other side of the room, Jim grinned at the tall, pale man. He moved forward slowly, watching as dark eyes tracked his movements. “Ashaya, Ni'ya'akash thrap-fam'es nufau.” (I ask forgiveness)

“Ni'vahl thrap-fam'es nufau.” (I grant forgiveness.) Spock watched the blond man in front of him, gaze narrowing as he continued to speak in Vulcan. Taking a deep breath, a low growl rumbled through his chest at the scent that filled him. “Jim.” Dark eyes focused on wide, laughing blue. “Eyes as blue as the Terran oceans.”

“Yeah, it was sexy then and it's sexy now but look we need to go. These guys gave you something and we need to get you back to the ship before it can take full effect.” Jim studied the sweating man before him. “Or is it already to late?” He didn't move as Spock leaned down to smell him. He started at Jim's neck, a soft puff of air that made him shiver. “Please, god, don't tell me you...” He swallowed as Spock licked a stripe up his neck. Hands raising to grip his biceps, Jim felt his knees shaking as an overly warm arm wrapped around his waist and he was pulled close to an over heated body. “Jesus you're hot.” Jim panted, wishing he could take his clothes off. The material was beginning to chafe against his skin, making him squirm against Spock in frustration. “I-it's to hot...” He drifted off as he was hit with a set of unknown emotions. Shivering, Jim glanced around the room, almost forgetting they had an audience. “You guys need to get out or he will make you.” Jim groaned as Spock bit down on his clavicle, the salty tang of blood filling the air.

“Get out, _now!_ ” Spock lifted his head to glare at the group still by the door. Moving Jim behind him, Spock glared at the unmoving men. In a move most would consider predatory, Spock took a step towards the group, keeping Jim as close as possible. “I will not repeat myself, he and I have already made it clear what it...”

“We will leave the darkness with the light, forgive us. It gives us back our identity to have achieved such a feat.” Vaulkryian stepped back, keeping his gaze lowered from Jim and Spock. He motioned for the others to leave as well, closing the door once they were all outside the room.

“Ok, so I won't say that wasn't incredibly hot but we, uh, we need to leave before doing anything.” Jim groaned as hot hands ran over him. Trembling with the effort to not just go with what his body demanded, Jim stepped back from Spock. For the first time in his life he was going to deny himself something as tempting as his first officer. “We need to get you back to the ship before anyone else shows up.” He lead Spock out of the room, amid fighting off his hands and trying not to just lay down and let him have his way. Jim was relieved when they made it back to the front gate without any type of resistance. Looking around, he was once again struck with the fact that there was no one around. “Silence never means anything good.”

“You are correct, Kirk, James T. We must leave immediately or you and he will be unable to.”

Jim looked up at Vaulkryian then turned to Spock, surprised to see the dark anger in his eyes. “What is it, you weren't looking like that a few minutes ago.”

“The fires burning within me, they require you to ease them.” Spock spoke low, his gaze searching the face in front of him. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, Jim.”

Jim grinned at Spock, heart racing as they headed towards the woods. “Yeah well, you can show me when we get back to the ship. Right now, stop projecting what you want to do and focus.” He chuckled at the low growl behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, Jim's grin turned wicked. “Wanna see how quick you can move through the trees? The sooner we get through the woods the sooner we can get off this fucking planet.” When a strong hand grabbed him, Jim stiffened in surprise until Spock pinned him against a tree. “Spock?”

“Do you not feel the same, Jim?” Spock searched the flushed face inches from his. Could feel the small puffs of air that left him as he stared up at Spock. He wanted to hear him say it, to hear in Jim's own voice whether he felt the same or not. “The words, Ashaya, you do not feel the desire...”

“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular.” Jim stumbled over the words but it must have been enough for Spock because he kissed him before he could finish his statement. Groaning, Jim pressed up against him, his mind clouding with a lust fueled fog. Sliding his arms around Spock's shoulder's he didn't protest when he was pressed back into a tree trunk. Tearing his mouth away, Jim sucked in a harsh gulp of air. “Wait, Ashaya, before...”Jim arched up against Spock, not stopping the hot hands now under his shirt. Shivering in desperation, Jim let his head drop back as Spock latched onto his neck. He hissed in pain as he was bit again, same spot, the pain making him tighten his hold. “Spock, the shuttlecraft...” He groaned as he was lifted off of the ground.

Spock climbed the tree, eyes dark, as he held onto Jim. “We will be there soon, come, I find the desire for some time alone with you before I forget.”

Jim blinked, trying to clear the lust fueled haze from his vision. “Forget, forget what? You're a Vulcan, you have an eidetic memory so you can't forg...” He was interrupted by a hard kiss and a hot body pressed against him. Groaning in frustration, Jim pulled back from Spock. “Cut that out, if we fuck in the trees we're liable to get eaten by those crazy ass boars on the ground!” Jim jumped to the next branch, needing to put some space between them. He remembered the scene between their mirror images, the pain the other Jim had underwent to save his Spock. It scared him, if he were honest, Spock's loss of control was something he'd never dreamed of having to deal with again.

“It is only when you are in danger or threatened do I react in such a way.”

Head snapping up, Jim gave Spock a nervous grin. “Hard to remember when we end up like this more often than not.” He looked down at the ground, a frown working its way across his lips. “I hope Pavel and Giotto made it back to the shuttle safely. Those animals down there aren't very friendly.”

“They do not approve of us being here. We are interfering with the hierarchy of their habitat.” Vaulkryian walked over to where Jim and Spock stood. “I must ask for your forgiveness in involving you in this travesty. I am unsure as to why the light had to follow the darkness here but I am honored to have been of some small assistance. My people appreciate what you have sacrificed for us.” He handed Jim a small parcel, smiling when he took it. “This is from us and not us, in appreciation for your sacrifice. Please, accept it as a token of our loyalty to you and to your Federation. Janjira Deux is ready to speak with you when it is most convenient.” Nodding his head in respect, Vaulkryian turned and climbed back towards his companions.

“They hold us in high regard.”

Jim chuckled as he looked up at Spock. “Did you get a chance to hear any of the stories they have about us? We seem to save them repeatedly.”

“You are called the light and I the darkness. Not far from adept descriptions yet I find that the light is more than the dark was ready for.” Spock followed Jim as they moved through the trees. His gaze occasionally moving down to the ground below. “I do not remember making this part of the trip. I am finding that it is a part I am pleased to take with you, Ashaya.”

Jim chuckled, pleased and surprised at Spock's open display of affection. “If you don't behave they're going to think that I've corrupted you.”

“And they would be correct, Captain.” Spock said the last word softly, in a dark, seductive voice that was meant to entice more than anything.

Jim shivered at the dark tone, glancing behind him. Grinning at Spock he missed the last branch in front of him. Falling before he could catch himself, he reached out to the only person next to him. “Spock!” Jim looked up in surprise as he fell from one branch to another. Reaching out, he tried desperately to stop his descent until he was almost a few feet off the ground.

Spock climbed down the tree as fast as possible, trying to reach Jim before the branch broke under his weight. “Jim?” He could see he'd fallen about three to four branches down, but it was close enough to the ground that the animals below could reach him if they wanted. “Do not move, I will come get you.” He kept his voice low, watching the movement below them. The animals had come to a stand still a few feet below Jim, their heads lifted up as if waiting for a sign.

“They are trying to find him.” Vaulkryian whispered next to Spock. “We will take care of the beasts, only you can protect the light.” He nodded once then turned and headed down the opposite tree with his friends.

Spock held the blue gaze watching him, fear echoing through their bond. “Ashaya...”

“Don't leave me here, please.” Jim looked up at Spock, could hear the branch as it started to crack. “Spock.” Jim reached up, his fingers brushing the ones held out to him.

Climbing down as silently as possible, Spock noticed the animals had slowly started to move away, heads pointed to the north. “Come, I do not find that I enjoy this quite as much as before.” He gripped the hand stretched out to him, this time making sure he held on to him. Pulling Jim up and close to him, Spock led them through the trees, keeping a watch for the animals if they chose to come back.

“Wait, christ, I feel like I've got a hot brand on my side.” Jim panted. Leaning against Spock, he looked down at his left side and winced. “Spock...” He felt a wave of dizziness wash over him as he stumbled, holding onto the other man with a white knuckled grip. “I feel like shit.” Jim said weakly, voice breathless as he tried to focus on the worried expression above him. “I'm ok, I'm ok, see, I can...we, uh, w-we can still...”

“Jim!” Spock lurched forward, thrown off balance by Jim's sudden change in position. He looked down at the man now passed out beside him. Picking him up, he tried to ignore the groan of pain Jim gave at the action. Looking down, he tried to see Jim's left side but could only see the torn fabric of his shirt. He looked around, aware that he would need to find a way to maneuver through the branches while carrying Jim.

“We must hurry, he has been stung by one of the plants in the trees. Your doctor can help him if we can reach him in time.”

Spock looked up to see Vaulkryian standing three branches above him. He lifted Jim up and watched as the other man held him gingerly, mindful of his injured side. “Do not let him go.” Climbing up behind them, Spock took Jim from Vaulkryian, his hold possessive on the unconscious blond. “I will follow you.” He held Jim in a fireman's carry, making sure to keep his injured side as still as possible. Which was difficult considering they were climbing trees. Spock wasn't sure how long they had been moving but felt a sense of relief once the shuttlecraft came into view. The relief turned into urgency when he heard the voice of Dr. McCoy shouting in anger.

_“God damnit, Giotto! Just when did he say they would be back! This is_ Jim _we are talking about, do you know his record for fucking up and almost getting himself or Spock killed?!”_

_“Doctor, I have no idea. I'm just as concerned as you but you know as well I do that once he makes up his mind...”_

_“Yeah, yeah, I know doesn't mean I like it damnit!”_

“We must get Jim to the doctor immediately.” Spock spoke in a low voice, his gaze watching the ground below them. “The animals below us...”

“Will not venture beyond the trees. They have no desire to be seen in the light, preferring to hunt in darkness.” Vaulkryian moved to a branch in front of Spock, looking down as well. “We must move to the trees in the light, if we try to leave this way the shadows put us in danger.”

Spock frowned, shifting the unconscious man over his shoulder. He looked up at him when he groaned in pain. “Jim?”

“Spock? God I had the worst dream. This tree bit me, I think. It's hot as all hell.” Jim mumbled. Struggling to open his eyes, he tried to take a deep breath, gasping as pain shot through his side. “What the fuck happened, why am I upside down?”

“We are still in the trees but will be at the shuttle in a few moments.” Spock bent down to set Jim on his feet. “Have care, you injured yourself in your fall.”

“So it wasn't a dream.” Jim looked down at his side, hissing in pain as he raised his arm. “Bones is just going to love this.” He frowned as he looked up at Spock. “I don't feel so good.”

Spock held Jim closely, eyes scanning his face. He lifted a shaky hand, brushing back a fall of blond hair from Jim's forehead. “Neither do I, Ashaya. We must hurry, what ever is in your system is more than likely going to have adverse repercussions.”

“God I love when you talk all sciency but right now may not be the best of times to turn me on.” Jim grinned up at Spock, a weak curve of his lips. Turning his head to the side, he grinned at Vaulkryian. “Hey, you're still with us?”

“Yes but we must move. They light is fading and the animals beneath are attempting to take the rest from you.” Scanning the ground beneath them, he noticed the small group gathering there.

Spock frowned as he followed Vaulkryian's gaze. “Jim, I will carry you, forgive me for any pain that I may cause.” He shivered, jaw clenching as Jim wrapped an arm around his shoulder's. “Come, Ashaya, you are beginning to look pale.” Picking him up, Spock nodded to Vaulkryian and his friends as they made their way through the trees. He looked up at the shout that greeted their appearance, relieved to see Giotto and two other members of the security team heading towards them.

“Commander, Captain, we were beginning to worry about you two!”

Spock nodded as Vaulkyrian scanned the ground below them, squinting to block out the sun light. “The darkness is all consuming but the light...”

“The light illuminates everything to the point of hurting ones eyes.” Vaulkryian chuckled. Turning to Spock he looked at him thoughtfully. “Do you wish assistance with maintaining the integrity of the light?”

Spock looked down at the man he carried in his arms. “No, I will keep him close so nothing else happens to him.” Arms trembling, Spock held Jim against his chest. It was taking everything in him not to give in to his bodies demands. He wanted nothing more than to hide Jim away and cool the fires burning through him.

“Spock?!”

Jerking in surprise, Spock looked down into turbulent sienna brown eyes. “Doctor.” He was surprised to find they had left the trees and were now at the shuttle craft. Looking back behind him, he noticed the four retreating figures. Turning to McCoy, Spock relinquished his hold on Jim. “Do not let anything happen to him, I will return momentarily.” He glanced at Giotto then turned and followed after Vaulkryian and his party. He ignored the muttering from McCoy, determined to make sure that the ones who took him, forcing Jim to come after him, were dealt with.

“You must not leave him alone, it is not safe for you and he. The darkness is only successful with the light.”

Spock nodded, dark gaze lifting to the branches in front of him. “You will maintain contact with us.” He meant it as a question but it came out rougher than intended. Taking a deep breath, he watched as Vaulkryian moved to stand in front of him. “His memory, the other was...blocked...that is not the case here. How will this affect you and your people?”

Vaulkryian glanced behind Spock, searching the scene until he turned his iridescent gaze back to him. “It was never meant to be forgotten. One can not remember the darkness without having first known the light. To know the light before darkness will give one an understanding never before had. You and he, have shown us why this is to be true. Without you he is not complete and we have sworn if the time ever came, we are to make sure the two are never far apart.” Vaulkryian's gaze moved to Spock's left, a smile playing around his lips. “He does not enjoy the thought of being in the light alone. You were never meant to have gone through this individually.”

Spock frowned, confused at the statement. “If we were not...”

“You and he...the light and the dark...you have sacrificed yourselves for us more than once. It has never been necessary for anyone to involve themselves until now.”

“Why is that?” Spock scanned the tree line looking for the other three men with Vaulkryian. It wasn't until he realized he didn't see them did something click. “A'shun'juan spoke of those who haunted the light, forcing the darkness after him. The story told of how the bloodshed began in the light and flowed into darkness. What did she mean when she said those who haunted the light? Is Jim still in danger from these people?”

“Yes, it is him they desire. You are the means with which to force him to sacrifice himself for us, you following after.” Vaulkryian studied Spock silently, sighing at the stoic expression. “They wish to change the events, desiring to silence the echos of those before. The light is the only thing that can save the darkness, if we save you and he then our sacrifice has been worthwhile.”

Spock blinked, understanding filling him at the words. “They took him as a sacrifice for mistakes made before.”

“Three generations have tried to capture the darkness and three generations have failed until one captured the light. The one who did but did not, took the life force from the light, forcing the darkness to continue alone. Since then, one side in full light the other in partial darkness. They were unable to take that which the light had left with the darkness.”

“His heart.” Spock said softly. The bond between them held the memories of the other so even in death they were never parted. “In order to destroy the darkness you would have to destroy the light,”

“Ahh, you begin to understand. Before you and he, they did not haunt us. They before you, were allowed the opportunity to calm the chaos. It was he who saved us from ourselves, you who gave us the knowledge. You have shown us many things, his sacrifice for you proves that the past was not always so tainted. We will protect the light and the darkness for as long as possible. Safe trip to you and your friends, Spock, Son of Sarek of Vulcan and Amanda Grayson of Earth. We leave him, Kirk, James T., Son of George A. And Wynona Kirk, in the hands of those who care for him best.”

Spock nodded, watching as Vaulkryian disappeared among the branches of the trees. He turned back towards the shuttle, glancing over at Giotto. “Lieutenant, report please.”

“The shuttle isn't to badly damaged, Pavel and the Captain managed to land without much trouble. The interference with our communications is from the atmosphere. Which makes it...”

“Impossible to reach the _Enterprise._ ” Spock frowned, walking over to where McCoy sat next to a resting Jim. “Make sure everyone in the party is accounted for and prepared for departure. We will leave once everything is ready.” Turning to McCoy, Spock sat down next to Jim. “Doctor, how is he?”

“He's fine, low grade fever from what ever got him but nothing I couldn't take care of. My main concern is _you._ In case you haven't noticed, you're flushed and sweating, hands shaking and your breathing is off. Feel like telling me what's going on?” McCoy ran a critical eye over Spock, reaffirming his statements.

“We must leave the planet immediately, Jim and I are both in danger the longer we remain.” Spock brushed back a strand of blond hair, relieved to see Jim turn into the touch. “Ashaya, forgive me for waking you but we must leave. Those who we seek to escape from...”

“Are still following us, yeah, kinda figured.” Jim groaned as he sat up. Looking over at McCoy, he gave him a crooked grin. “Thanks for saving me, again.”

“Don't make it a fucking habit. Now get your ass up so we can get out of here and back to the ship. You and Spock have a lot of explaining to do.” McCoy stood up, watching Jim closely as he stood up. He frowned as Spock held him closer and Jim looked up at him with a soft smile.

“I'm ok, let's get back to the ship and we can finish our talk.”Jim gave Spock's arm a squeeze before heading to the ramp. “We have a lot more that we thought to discuss.”

Spock nodded, following Jim. He knew their next conversation wouldn't be an easy one, especially not with the doctor now being involved.

_We will take care of things before talking to Bones, you're about to reach your breaking point, I can feel it, don't forget that._

Glancing up at Jim, Spock finally noticed the flushed face and wide dilated eyes watching him. Moving closer, he brushed his fingers over Jim's, a small smile curving his lips.

_You do not wish to discuss this with the doctor first? I am sure he would much rather give you a physical._

At Jim's frown, Spock nudged him with his shoulder. “I do not wish to over tax you, Ashaya.”

“Yeah well, I've been through worse, remember? So we'll worry about that later. When we get back to the ship we finish our conversation.” Jim walked onto the shuttle, glancing back to make sure Spock was still behind him. “Stay close, don't need anything else happening to you.”

Spock nodded as he took a seat behind Jim, watching as tan fingers moved over the controls.

_I look forward to finishing our conversation, Ashayam._

Jim shivered, looking back at the dark headed man he grinned, face flushed, breathing short. “Behave, it's a long trip back to the ship.” He grinned at the mental chuckle he received, turning back to the console, he and Chekov warmed up the shuttle's engines. “Hang on everyone, it's going to be a bumpy ride!”

 


	19. Chapter 19

“Now let me get this straight. You two are connected, mentally, by what Spock calls a Vulcan bond and right now he's in the middle of some type of sex deprivation cycle?”

“Not a sex deprivation cycle, a _mating_ cycle, well it would be if it were the real thing but it's not. They gave him something to start things off early and the only way to get it out of his system...”

“Is if he fucks you senseless, which you're not at _all_ adverse to, are you?”

“If we're going to be honest...” Jim grinned at the scowl his friend gave him.

“Oh god please, do _not_ be honest about that, I can see it written all over your face.” McCoy glared at Jim as he shook his head in displeasure.

“Well since you already know, clear me, _please_. Bones, you know I have to get out of here! It's the only way to save Spock and I won't lose him, not after everything we've gone through to get him back!”

“Were you not listening to a word I said?! I can't just clear you like that and you damn well know it!”

“Then let me recover in my quarters, look we have to be close in order for things to correct themselves. If they...” Jim broke off with a frown, eyes going wide as he stared at McCoy. “Bones?”

“Jim, what is it, something wrong, you're extremely pale all of a sudden?”

“Spock's in trouble, someone...”

_Bridge to Captain Kirk, come in please!_

Jim jumped off the biobed and headed to the nearest comm station. “Kirk here, report Sulu.”

_“Captain, looks like we have intruders on deck sixteen! Security reports the sounds of a fight in Commander Spock's quarters!”_

Jim let out a round of curses as he took off for the medbay doors. Racing through the hallway, Jim could feel his heart pumping as he stopped at the turbilift. He willed it to move faster until a flood of relief moved over him. Stepping into the small space, Jim sagged against the wall. He hated lying to Bones but he needed to get to Spock. “Kirk to Sulu, you read me?”

_“Are you ok Jim, headed to your quarters?”_

Jim chuckled at his friends knowing tone. “Yeah, thank you. Bones was trying to keep me an extra day.” Shaking his head, Jim glanced up as the lift doors opened and Spock stepped in front of him. “Talk to you later Hikaru.”

_“Aye aye Captain.”_

Spock looked at Jim, a small frown curving his lips down at the pale face. “You should not be up so soon, Ashaya.”

Jim released a soft breath as Spock gave him a small grin. “Nothing that being with you won't fix. Please tell me you're headed to your quarters.” Jim felt the heat of Spock's desire across their bond, mind filling with images of their counterparts. He tried to push back the shiver of fear but saw when Spock felt it. “Spock, let me explain.”

“I will not touch you unless you desire it Jim.” Spock was surprised at the fear he felt from Jim but he understood it. The last time he physically touched him, Spock's hands had been wrapped around his throat. “We will not proceed until you are sure...”

“I'm sure, god I'm sure but it scares me that he went through that and I get you and becoming addicted to what you can do will destroy me if I lose you so I'm trying my hardest...” Jim broke of with a moan as Spock leaned down and kissed him.

“I find that I feel the same, Jim. I do not wish to harm you yet the desire to mark you as mine is strong.” Spock spoke softly, aware that they were still on the turbolift. When it finally stopped on deck sixteen he followed Jim as he exited. He kept his gaze lowered, struggling to hide the fact that he desired his best friend and Captain.

_I feel the same, you know? If these assholes had succeeded in taking you from me I'd have killed every last one of them._

Spock shivered at the hot possessive slide of lust moving through him _._ Glancing up at Jim as he stopped in front of his quarters, he put in his unlock code, waiting for the doors to slide open. “Ashaya...”

“Wait until we're inside, if you say what I think you're going to say we're going to need to be near a bed.” Jim could feel the fire burning through Spock and knew they needed to hurry up. “I need to get something from my quarters, unlock your side of the bathroom, ok?” At Spock's small nod, Jim turned towards his own door and put in his code, hurrying to get what he needed. Heading to the small side table, Jim jerked open the top drawer, face heating as he spotted the small packet. Bones had given it to him on his last shore leave but he never used it. His feelings for Spock by then making sure he couldn't think about anyone...

_I have need of thee, Ashaya, please..._

Jim sucked in a quick breath as he turned towards the bathroom door. He felt a shiver of uncertainty move over him as he thought about what they were going to do. “What if I get this wrong? What if...”

_What if you do not? What if we find that it was right for us?_

Jim glanced around the room, it was his voice but he hadn't spoken. “He would never hurt me, he's always been there no matter what. Right beside me even when I made some stupid decisions.”

_Spock's the one person who's never given up on me. The one bright spot in my world of darkness._

Jim turned at the sound of footsteps, a smile curving his lips. “Couldn't wait could...” He broke off at the pale man standing in front of him. “How did you get on my ship.”Tone harsh, Jim glared at the intruder. “What the hell do you want?”

Malvo stared at Jim with wide, golden eyes. “I wish to ask for your forgiveness. The light has been saved by the darkness, you are now free as are we. Those before us broke the cycle and you have made things right again. Please, forgive us for our failure to get things correct sooner.”

Jim blinked in surprise, head turning at the sound of the bathroom door hissing open. “You'll have to ask him too. I'm pretty sure he's still pissed at you guys for kidnapping him.”

Spock frowned at the man standing between them, his dark gaze moving over him slowly. “Why have you returned to the ship? He will not be returning with you.” Voice low, Spock held the golden gaze in front of him.

“He came to apologize to us for what they did. We fixed what was broken in the beginning, I think.” Jim moved around Malvo, his gaze on Spock. “Think we can work on finding our way to fixing things with them?”

Spock watched as Jim moved to stand beside him. “I believe that we would need to speak with Admiral Pike before making any decisions.”

Jim grinned as he nodded in agreement. Turning to look at Malvo, Jim sighed. “We will be in touch, maybe you should contact your brothers on Janjira Deux, Vaulkryian Raja is who our contact was, maybe he can help as well.”

Malvo nodded, his gaze moving between Jim and Spock. “We should have never interfered with the true order of things. If the ones before had not been so unpure of heart...” He shook his head, a small smile playing about his lips. “Forgive me, I must leave you. We will do as you have advised, thank you Kirk, James T. and Spock of Vulcan. May the next time we meet be on better terms.”

Jim grinned as Malvo slowly disappeared. He turned to Spock, chuckling at the dark look on his face. “Come on, your room is better for this than mine.” He reached down and grasped Spock's hand, gasping at the sharp tingle. “H-happy to see me?”

“I find that I desire being close to you above all else.” Spock looked down into the cerulean eyes staring up at him. “They took him from his Jim Kirk shortly after they established their bond.” Spock spoke softly, pulling Jim closer. “I saw what it did to you who is you but not. The pain you suffered at my death was unbearable to watch.”

“There was someone who kept telling me it was going to be ok. In Vulcan, they kept saying they could help but they took you from me. They killed you because...” Jim broke off with a harsh gasp. “The first pair, they killed you which left me alone and searching. I-I fought for you but...”

“They wanted to stop the cycle and sought to find a way less painful for them. We were here on a mission and got caught in the middle of the time loop.” Spock spoke softly, his dark gaze watching Jim closely. “Selek was the one who spoke to you. My counterpart was able to help you in some way.”

Jim looked up at Spock, a small smile curving his lips up. “Almost like we were chasing ghosts.” Jim said softly, his thoughts going back over the past few days. He shivered as he thought about Spock being kidnapped. “I didn't think I was going to ever see you again.”

Spock pulled Jim closer, his arms slowly wrapping around his waist. “I would not willingly be parted from you, Ashayam. It is not a feeling I find I enjoy.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against Jim's hair, sighing as strong, tan arms moved to slide around his waist. “We must also inform Admiral Pike of the change between the planets.”

Jim frowned as he looked up at Spock. “I did not have Hikaru help me break out of sick bay just to do reports.” Jim pulled back at Spock's blank expression. “No Spock fuck that! Come on, just a few minutes ago you were all gung ho about...” Jim broke off with a soft moan as Spock kissed him. Raising his arms, Jim wrapped them around Spock's shoulder's sighing in relief at the soft laughter floating across their bond.

_You are always so impatient, Ashaya._

Jim let out a soft huff as he pressed against Spock, groaning as he was picked up and carried back to the other room.

_You're just going slow and I don't know why. I can tell you're about to lose it Spock, what's the deal?_

_I do not wish to hurt you. The fear in your eyes was the same fear he had. He who was you but not. The one before you did not fear this but Spock did and I find I do as well. If I harm you..._

_You won't ok? Look I'm scared because you could really do some damage but I have no problems with telling you if it's to much._

Spock picked Jim up and laid him down on the bed. “If you are certain Jim?” He had seen what happened, how the bond although forced had been fully formed. His counterpart hadn't been strong enough to fight them off when they had come for him, ending his life in violence and leaving his Jim Kirk alone and broken. “I wish to make this something that we will both find mutually pleasurable.”

Jim chuckled as he handed Spock the small packet of lube. He could feel his face heating as he looked up, holding his dark gaze. “Ok, so I've been holding on to this for a while. Didn't want to use it with anyone but you so I kept it until...” He flushed at Spock's sudden look of interest. “Bones gave it to me on our last shore leave but...”

“I was alone, I did not know that you...” Spock felt his pulse pick up at the thought of having waited so long. “I will do my best to keep control Jim however...”

Jim grinned as he started undressing Spock. “I'm not scared of you I''m scared of getting hooked on you. What if I can't let you go if you decide to leave?”He turned thoughtful as he thought about Spock leaving him. “I'm not sure...”

“I will never leave you Ashaya. Not in this life or any life after.” Spock pressed his fingers to Jim's psy points. Growling low as they fell into the meld.

“Je _sus that was fast, in a hurry are we?” Jim chuckled as he looked around them. “Pretty sure I've never seen this place before.”_

_“It would be a wading pool I found on my search of Urisia IV. I remember wishing you were with me when I went for a swim.” Spock flushed as Jim looked up at him in surprise. “I was unaware of your regard for me and was unsure as to how I should approach the subject with you.”_

_Jim grinned as he turned and headed towards the bright aquamarine water. “You know, there are some places on Earth with this same color of water.”_

_“But none that come as close to matching your eyes as this one.” Spock reached out and pulled Jim back against him. “The fires within me demand to be quenched, Ashayam. Please Jim, release me from my torment.”_

Jim blinked up at the flushed man above him. He let out a surprised huff at the feel of Spock pressing into him. “Jesus you're hot.” Running his hands up and down Spock's back, Jim arched, back curving as Spock pressed deeper. “You've never...”

“Memory transfer, everything he knew I know.” Spock whispered, sliding a hand to the small of Jim's back, he pressed up. “He knew every way you wished to be touched and what response it would illicit.” He thrust forward, groaning as Jim tightened around him. “Forgive me, Ashaya...”

Jim shook his head as he forced his body to relax. “It's, uh, i-it's just been awhile.” Jim gasped as Spock pulled back and thrust forward slowly, his movements controlled and measured. Shifting under the hot body, Jim looked up at Spock, could see he was struggling to keep control of himself. Leaning, up, Jim let his head drop back as the angle changed. “Christ, you're going to...” Jim wrapped his legs around Spock's waist, excitement racing along his nerves as he was held up with one hand. “You a-and your super strength.” He grinned at the soft huff he received, holding onto Spock as they moved together. Jim saw the exact moment when Spock was about to fall apart. Holding him close, Jim whispered softly to him. Promising him forever as long as he was able to give it.

Spock took what Jim offered, giving back the same. The ghosts that haunted them no longer had power over them. Holding onto Jim, Spock thrust up once, shivering as he came. Jim's delighted laugh echoed across their bond as he shivered against Spock. “Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, Jim.”

“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, Spock.” Jim whispered, holding onto him as they fought to catch their breaths. “That was quick.” He grinned against Spock's neck, sighing at the feel of gentle hands kneading his back. “Spock?”

“I will endeavor to correct the time spent pleasing you, Ashaya.” Spock felt the spark of surprise as Jim leaned back to look at him. “Jim?”

“You know I was teasing, right? That wasn't...I-I mean we've been waiting awhile to...”

Spock stopped Jim with a gentle kiss. “I choose to do so Jim not because I need to because I want to. Your happiness is my greatest achievement.”

Jim nodded, hissing in displeasure as Spock slid out of him. “Well, I'm going to try and do the same. The whole making you happy and everything? I'm going to work on doing that.” Jim yawned as he reached up for Spock. “Sleepy.”

“As am I, I wish for you to stay with me, Jim, here tonight. Share my bed with me.”

Jim looked up at the breathless tone and smiled, running a hand through Spock inky, black hair. “From this life into the next and for as long as you want me, Ashayam, I will always be with you.”

 


	20. Chapter 20

“Aww Chris come on! I just got Spock back and you want to send him away for _three weeks?!_ That's so not cool Chris, seriously.” Jim glared at the screen in front of him, scowling at the laughing man staring back at him. “It's not fucking funny Chris. You guys know...”

_“Brass wants to be sure that you two can function just as well apart as you do together. You already know how this works, if two members of the same command crew...”_

“Choose to engage in a relationship while on assignment they will be subject to the same rules as standard crew members. I _know_ all of that Chris but this is _Spock_ we're talking about not...”

“Ashaya?”

Jim looked up at the man standing behind him, sighing at the blank look on his face. “Please tell me you're not really considering this. Spock I just got you back a week ago! You can't _seriously_...”

“If it is what we must do then we will follow the rules. I believe that one of the assignments would have me stationed on New Vulcan.” Spock turned to the grinning man on the monitor. “Am I correct, Admiral?”

_“You know damn well that you would be there and if I'm not mistaken the Enterprise has some shore leave stored up...”_

“I'll file the paperwork, you'll have it within the hour.” Jim jerked upright, reaching for the padd to his left. “We have at least two weeks we can take.” Jim scrolled through the screens, frowning as he searched through the files. “chris, do you think...”

_“I'll approve it once you send it. Remember Jim, if Spock is on a project...”_

“I know, I know I can't bother him. I won't Selek and Sarek are supposed to be taking me around the city. There's some new architecture going up and...” Jim blinked as he heard Spock chuckle across their bond. “Chris?”

_“Give me an hour and I'll make sure it's ok with the Vulcan High Council.”_

Jim grinned at the man on the screen. “Thanks dad, I really appreciate it and I'll be sure to let Selek know you'll be joining us.” At Chris' look of surprise, Jim grinned. “What, thought I didn't notice the looks? You're both old enough now don't you think?”

_“Don't start with me Jim. Commander, get your bondmate under control please.”_

Jim grinned at his friend's flushed face. “I'll behave once you approve shore leave for me and my crew. We've earned it.” Jim sighed at the soft voice echoing through his head.

_Unwilling to wait three weeks, Ashaya?_

_You're damn right I'm not wanting to wait, three weeks is to damn long to be separated from you._

“I will endeavor to correct the problem immediately, Admiral. While you are on New Vulcan, will you have the time to speak with the Janjirian delegates?”

Jim let Spock and Chris talk about business while he sent of messages to his senior staff about shore leave on New Vulcan. Before he could send the message to Scotty his door chimed and he grinned. “Come on in bones, we're both decent I promise!”

“I damn sure hope so because last time was not funny at all. Now mind telling me why we're going to New Vulcan instead of...” McCoy grinned as he walked in and sat down across from Jim and Spock. “Commander.”

“Doctor.”

“He's talking to Chris and we're going because they want to send Spock for three weeks and...”

“And you don't want to be away from him for that long.” McCoy grinned as Jim flushed. “You're such a giant baby.”

Jim looked away from his friends knowing gaze and sighed. “Shut up Bones. You'd be the same if it were Nyota.”

_Just as I am about you._

Jim grinned as he glanced over at Spock before turning back to his friend. “Anyway, Selek and Sarek want to go out to see the new hospital and invited you to join us.” Jim grinned at McCoy's sudden interest. “They feel like they could learn somethings from you.”

“Well, how about that? Me in the same room with some of the most stoic and unreadable minds in the quadrant.”

_“And yet we find that the new Betazoid Ambassador has an interest in medicine as well.”_

Jim glanced at the screen then down at the padd in his hands. “Wow, I can't wait to meet her.”

“She must be beautiful if you want to meet her all of a sudden.” McCoy chuckled as Spock's gaze sharpened on Jim. “Let me see who it is.” He took the padd from Jim's hands and paled. “Christ almighty...”

“Bones?” Jim looked at his friends face, confused by his reaction. Glancing up at Spock, he shook his head in confusion. “You ok?”

“I, uh, y-yeah, just surprised that's all. So uh, you want to meet her?”

_Does the doctor know the Ambassador?I was unaware he was familiar with anyone from Betazed._

_I don't know, I mean I've never heard of her but that doesn't mean he could have met her before me._

“She's a molecular biologist and a quantum physicist? How is _that_ even possible for an ambassador's kid?” Jim mused out loud. “Other than Spock I don't know anyone who has the ability...”

“A Betazoid can do things that will drive you insane.”

Jim looked up at McCoy with a slight frown. “You know her.”

“I do and I'm not telling you about it.”

Jim blinked in surprise as he straightened in his chair. Ignoring Chris and Spock, Jim leaned forward. “Bones, if it's going to be a conflict of interest to have you two around each other...”

“I'm on shore leave, I can damn well do what ever I want.” McCoy glared at Jim, his thoughts whirling as he glanced back down at the padd. “We'll talk about it later, alright. Just...” He looked up at Jim, could see the concern in his eyes and gave him a small smile. “Promise Jimbo, I need to take care of something first then I'll come talk to you.”

“Yeah, ok, well I'll be here so don't take to long.” Jim watched as his friends silently left the room, his expression one of thoughtful surprise. “He knows her but won't say.”

“And yet I will be leaving in two days...”

“What wait, Chris you said the Enterprise was going to be...” Jim looked between the two men, frowning as Chris laughed and Spock gave him a small grin. “Asshole, I wasn't ignoring you, I'm just worried about Bones.”

“I understand Ashaya, come let us finish our plans with Chris and then we can worry about Leonard. Maybe seeing this mysterious woman will help him to relax.” Spock pulled Jim close, flushing as Chris watched them closely. “Admiral?”

_“So you say, uh Selek, umm, Selek will be there?”_

“Yep and I'm pretty sure he'd enjoy seeing you.”Jim grinned as Chris looked away but not before he saw the small smile on his lips. “So we all set or...”

_“I'm waiting on the High Council but you know they won't deny you or the chance to see Spock. So head that way and I'll meet you two days after.”_

Jim grinned as he nodded his head. “Thanks Chris, I owe you. We'll see you when you get there.” Closing out the viewer, Jim turned to Spock. “What do you think?”

“I find that I am intrigued by everything currently happening, yet I am worried about the doctor and the Betazoid Ambassador.” Spock said softly as he ran his fingers through Jim's hair. He felt his pleasure at the small action and found that it calmed him as well. “You are also worried abut Leonard?”

“Yeah but he said he'd come talk to me later so all I can do is wait.” Jim frowned as Spock's chuckle echoed across the bond. “I can wait.”

“That may be so but you will not be happy about it.”

Jim grinned as Spock picked him up and headed towards the bedroom. “Well what's the worst that could happen? Bones knows to knock before entering and if it takes to long...”

“You will simply seek the answers yourself.” Spock leaned down and gave Jim a kiss. “Sometimes it would be best to wait, this Ashaya, is one of those times.”

Jim grinned up at the man above him. “Come on Spock you know me, what's the worst that could happen?”

"Indeed, you are correct Jim, I do know you and usually the worst thing to happen does." Chuckling, Jim reached up and pulled Spock down. "For now we shall not concern ourselves with it. Join with me, Ashayam, there will be plenty of time to concern ourselves with our friends and their lives."

Jim nodded as he let Spock have his way. He wasn't sure what was going on with his friend and the mysterious ambassador but he was certain he could help. If not with Bones then with Chris and Selek...

“Ashaya?”

“Y-yeah.” Jim stammered, eyes going to the man above him. He was finally happy and he wanted his friends happy too. “You think we'll have some time to see each other on New Vulcan?”

“I will make sure of it.” Spock whispered against Jim's lips.

Jim grinned as he gave himself over to his partners care. No matter what happened he was determined to help, besides, _what's the worst that could happen?_

 

 


End file.
